isn't this over yet?

Ok. I'd REALLY like to stop coughing. It would be most appreciated, if someone could get on that, I'd love it....anyone?

Not going away. As my sister says, a plague upon my house.

And I'd like to not want to die by 9 pm on new year's if that's ok, there's some good music to be enjoyed and some good people to enjoy....GEEZ!

I now need to make dinner. I'd like spaghetti (as in meat sauce) but I don't want to eat tomorrow, so I'm going to make a veggie/cheese pasta dish, quicker.

Yummy.

Maybe some seafood? Hrmmm good idea.

Me so smart :)

Back to barking. Resume your regular programming.

choice made!

Ok, so I took photos of myself wearing the 2 tops, and that made my decision for me, seriously, no question, so here's a shot of the top on, and a shot of the detail on the shoulder....

Girlfriend of mine saw both, and said this one hands down - said it says "boys, it's new years and I'm here to party!

So here ya go.....

holy children from hell

So I was at my parents place yesterday, for my nephew's birthday. Good. LORD. Not only were the children annoying, but they were horribly behaved on top of it all. All 3 of them complaining about what they got as gifts. My youngest sister and I talked about it on the way home (thank god, she decided to come with me, her bf's dad was better than she had originally thought)....even she has decided my sister wouldn't know how to discipline her children if her life depended on it, and I think her husband has given up.

I'm not going to get into my thoughts on a little smack on the butt, but I think my sisters and I turned out pretty normal and we had a lovely healthy fear of our parents. Always the thought that if I did something I might get in trouble. I think my parents whacked me once and it was one smack on the butt. That's all it took/

But I had a good time with my youngest sister, mother and my dad's mother, I decorated my nephew's cake, made the dip, etc etc, we had a good yak, had some fun.

Then today's ice rink. Holy god. Managed to fall twice in the space of about 3 minutes, once on each hip, so I went into the house and got my Yaktraks and wore them everywhere (except note to self, they are NOT a good idea on tile).

Because I would like to look nice next week for the New Years party (dare I say I might actually manage to get a New Year's kiss for the first time in 8 years? naww...let's not jinx it...), I went out to shop. I got 2 tops and I can't decide which one I should wear. Sigh. One is extremely booblicious, variegated grey tank with a flowing bottom, beautiful silver accent straps....and then the other is a bit more restrained, black satin, lace accents, also booblicious, but no spaghetti straps, fitted...

I dunno. I'm going to have to put them on with the bra I plan to wear yadda yadda and go from there. Black pants, and either a hot pink or black pashmina and I'm good to go. Will attempt to wear my contacts...but the glasses always must accompany me, I get really dry eyes.

Other than that...I had lunch with a girlfriend at the local pub, and will now get myself some leftovers for dinner and curl up in my pjs on the couch with the dooogs. Yeah. Nice evening.

**yawn**

Hey all. I'm coming to you from in between naps. This cold. Ugh.

I've spent the day alternating between watching tv (I had no idea that the Cosmo channel was so fun!?!?!), sleeping and eating. And after listening to the complaints of friends whose family stories are enough to make me run and scream, I'm thinking I made the right call.

Turns out my sister will not be coming to my parent's place with me tomorrow, her boyfriend's dad collapsed downtown yesterday, had been sick, turns out he's had an aneurysm, being a nurse, she wants to get down to the Neuro to find out what is up. He's conscious etc, but she has 3 days off and wants to make sure she doesn't miss anything by being at the 'rents place. Hate that shit during Xmas. I have a wake to go to on Sunday, our director's mother passed the other day. Merry whoo-ha.

Had a lovely dinner last night with HF, dropped him and friend from Brazil at the St Joseph's Oratory for midnight Xmas mass, and I made my way down to jam night, to test out what in hell with Jam Flirt and to drop off a few deviled eggs to his friend (long story due to the cancelled brunch). There he was standing on the stage playing guitar wearing a Santa hat...big grin, and when he realized I was there the grin got bigger. Back to normal with an explanation of having been horribly sick (um seeing as I have the same cold, yeah, horribly, and my mood has been terrible). Note to self, gets Man Colds. Back rubs, huge hug, and a lot of attention paid to me.

When leaving around 3 am, well, the rain created an ice rink out there after all the snow, and last year's episode of "Myself breaks her ass" dictates that I'm rather fearful of the ice. My flirt walked me to the car with a quick "hang onto me!". And as he was running back to the bar (yeah I was terrified and he was running), I asked him about my contribution to the new years party and was told I didn't have to. "nope you're not paying". Hrm. interesting.

So there you have it. The Kevlar killing dogs murdered their first toy in the space of 2 hours this morning, the only squeaker, dead, completely disemboweled when I came back downstairs. Dogs enjoyed their $3.00 a tin wet food, as did the cat, the hammies enjoyed their alfalfa treat, and the turtles got spinach.

And on that note, I'm drinking a Neo Citran (Jam Flirt says as gross as they are they helped him thru this cold) and hitting the hay, hoping NOT to wake with a migraine as I do frequently when sleeping too much!

status quo

Still sick. Horrible sick. Afraid of pneumonia sick (I'm asthmatic and get chronic bronchitis, so no, not me being a hypochondriac, me unfortunately being realistic...uck).

Done work.

Done shopping (not that I had much, we only shop for the kids, my sister's kids).

And now, I'm going to bed in the hopes that I don't wake up feeling more like hell.

Supposed to go to the HF's place tonight, if it doesn't freezing rain. Cuz he lives on a big old hill (well the side of Mount Royal, for which Montreal was named). Dropped him off at the airport where he picked up a friend from South America that just arrived (surprise! 80 cms of snow that you've never seen before!)

I don't quite know what to say to people at this time of the year....It's very much like when people tell me that they're getting married or moving in together, I don't get it so I don't feel it, so anything I say will sound horribly fake. So I just don't say a word. Smile and nod.

I'll go to jam tonight. Friends want me to go, so I'll go. I can't really sing tonight, but everyone will live.

And that's about it around here. I should buy stock in kleenex (actually Puffs with lotion & Vicks) so I'll flake out and hopefully feel more human.

One can hope.

sick & tired and...

Yeah still sick. Thanks to Jam Flirt for his cold, donated to everyone.

Still haven't heard from him. Yeah. Wonderful. I pay attention to men why again?

At work, counting down the hours when I'd rather be at home, asleep first off. Woke up last night choking, wasn't able to breathe out of my nose, and I can't sleep when I have to breathe from the mouth. Apparently I decided therefore to stop breathing.
I'd really appreciate this cold being done.

I'm skipping out of here at noon tomorrow, really don't much care if anyone likes that or not, I'm doing it, being here yesterday and today is bad enough, tomorrow just adds insult to injury. Then I'll go get my groceries (making myself a chicken with stuffing & gravy and potatoes & veg for Xmas day) and hunker down and not leave until I have to go to my parents place on Friday. With much booze. I forgot about that.

Thinking of doing jam tomorrow night, but I'll see how Jam Flirt behaves. I'm tired of making the effort to be nice.

that's all I've got. Everything else going on in my brain is much more negative, therefore I'll just not share, k?

let it snow let it snow let it.....ugh.....

Today was a brunch with friends, for which I cooked (and cooked and cooked) and yet, I'm still sitting here at home. Ditto for the concert which I'm supposed to be at for 5. Ain't happening, it's blizzarding out there, and I don't take chances in weather like this.

Of course, I've been left with all sorts of food for the brunch. Sigh.

Heard from my dad. So I am staying home on Xmas day. Going for my nephew's birthday on the 26th. THink I'll just stay in bed.

Never did hear from Jam Flirt who we can just refer to now as Asshole, although he called my friend to say he wouldn't be at her brunch. So he does know how to use a telephone.

Still sick.

So I'm going back to bed.

neglect

Hey.

How you doin?

I know. Again with the not blogging.

In my defense, I'm sick, the cold that reared it's head the other day decided to make a reappearance, 2 days prior to a choir concert, and my having to play flute (very very very visible flute, exposed with 4 voices and organ). Yeehaw.

And I've just been very busy.

Updates on things, Jam Flirt has stopped flirting. What the hell one asks? This is my life, no shocker there.

Christmas #8 alone is looming, I think that when I get back from jam night in the wee hours of the 25th, I'm going to bed and not getting back out until the morning of the 5th of January when I have to go back to work. Works for me. Then I certainly can't complain about being tired can I?

New Years may not happen for me. Long story involving a friend of mine and a friend of Jam Flirt's, but Jam Flirt is the party organizer and hasn't called me back 2 days after leaving him a message concerning my contribution. Which leads me to believe perhaps I am no longer welcome.

Fuck 'em all. And you wonder why men, unless gay, are no longer my friend. Round of terrible luck I have. Seriously. I don't think it's what I'm putting out there, I make a supreme effort to be as positive as possible with my sarcastic spin on all.
Although I *know* there's nothing wrong with me, sometimes the little voice in the back of your head wonders if there's some sort of problem no one's talking about (do I smell maybe? lol).

No plans for Xmas day. Family hasn't called me back, or isn't answering the phone, so guess what I say to them? Fuck 'em all. Can't count on anyone but me...that's for sure.

Work is busy as hell. And here I am blogging. In my defense, I'm pretty useless for the cotton balls filling my brain and sinuses. I think scotch should be allowed at work for medicinal purposes.

And I'm sure a few colleagues would agree wholeheartedly!

So back to work, and give a call to the photo lab, I need to get down there and pick up some more prints for my portfolio. They make me excited to see.

I know I know

I know. I've been super bad about keeping up.

It's this lifestyle I'm keeping you see. I need time, way more time, then I have currently. Always happens that I get double booked on the same night, and multiple events on the same day, never fails, never fear, it's always the same thing!

Anyway.

I'm here, and I'm ready to blog.

Whirlwind weekend, I didn't even see it pass by.....week actually. Duran Duran, Royal Wood, Serena Ryder, then Friday night's foray to see friends play, HF's birthday party & another friend's band Saturday night (which ended in a big ole mix up with friend's car being towed out of a no parking zone, which actually wasn't a no parking zone, and them having to find said car). Sunday brunch, dinner and then jam night (that wasn't planned). Then I got sick. Thank you Simon LeBon for infecting me with your nasty cold! Although my friend the musician says that it's ok to get sick via a rockstar!

I had alot of fun with HF at his birthday party, met some of his friends, and what he wanted me to give him for his birthday was to sing him a song. So I looked like a bag lady arriving at his place with booze and purse, camera and guitar in tow. But he was happy, and this morning gave me my birthday cake which I missed :D Man can cook like a demon, seriously! I lurves the boy like a best friend....I do seriously. Good dude.

Reason I missed his cake was due to Jam Flirt's gig....yeah I thinks he likes me. Huge smile when I arrived, big hug, a kamikaze kiss on the cheek (almost like an afterthought). He and friends convinced me to do something New Years (jam session sounds better then anything else that's been on offer). So....we shall see.

I don't count chickens after all my false starts. I sometimes wonder if I imagine things all the time :)

This week is much slower, however I keep being offered hockey tickets. Whites (which means if you have a vertigo issue you're fucked) on Saturday, and reds I can't use (those are the really really good ones...........gACK!)

I hate it when that happens.

Busy life. And tired. But I'll live. I swear I will.

karma et al

Technodoll made me think of an incident that happened to me way back when with her recent post . So in the spirit of this season I hate horribly....I'll tell a little story that for some reason I forgot about and TD's story reminded me of.

I used to be a dog groomer, I had my own business in my home and I picked the pets up and deivered them in order to get around a city ordanance that kept me from running my home business if I didn't have enough parking available etc. It wasn't a bad thing, I picked up alot of elderly clients that didn't drive anymore etc, and I loved most of them.

So I was driving up a big local artery, taking a cocker spaniel home (I don't remember her name), it was freezing raining, winter. As I was driving I witnessed a taxi cut off a small car, and the person driving it lost control and hit a light standard, hard. Front of the car completely crumpled.

So I pulled over and ran over to help the driver. There were a few other people who had done the same thing, but I got to the driver and started to check her over to find out how she was hurt, and called 911. I relayed all the information to them, they assured me an ambulance was on it's way. During this time, a few of the men wanted to pull this woman from the car, but unless there's imminent danger of explosion or fire, you don't do that, you could injure her worse, so I ordered them around to find something to cover her up with to keep her warm, I was afraid she was going to go into shock.

So I talked to this stranger, held her hand, asked her what hurt (ankles that were trapped in the car and a wrist were injured from what she was telling me in her dazed state) and she kept repeating that her husband was going to kill her for having an accident. She asked me if I would call her husband for her and let him know she'd had an accident, so I did, but he wasn't there so I left a message (I can't imagine there's anything worse than hearing a stranger on your cell phone telling you that your wife has had an accident), told him what had happened and that if he wanted further info he could call me.

So I held her hand and told her everything was going to be ok until the ambulance came, wanted to keep her from losing consciousness, it hurt, I would have...

So the ambulance arrived, took info from me, as did the police and fire department, and they released me, having taken the husband's contact information.

I drove the dog home, after telling my clients about the reason for the delay, and then headed on home. As I was going down the same road, the husband called me. Asking me if I knew where the ambulance was taking his wife. I had no idea, but the fire department was still cleaning up the site and waiting on the tow truck. So with the husband on the phone, I stopped and asked the firemen, they called the dispatch and found out the hospital, I relayed the info, and the husband thanked me profusely and went to meet his wife.

Unlike Technodoll, I got to hear the end result. The husband called me a day later to thank me for helping his wife, that she wanted to thank me herself but she was pretty banged up, 2 broken ankles and a broken wrist, the car completely totalled, but that he was glad I had stopped and held her hand while she was pretty hurt and pretty scared.

Can't tell you how happy I was to hear from him....closure I guess....and I was happy to help her, and I'd do it again in a minute.

It's finally Friday

Of course, we got snow overnight. Yeehaw not. So I have no idea what the drive to work will be like this morning. Off to the garage with the car, so I'm in late today. And when I get in, it's jeans and a company shirt, I'm exhausted to the extent I can't even tell you at this point.

Duran Duran on Thursday, yes Technodoll, I photographed them. And when I get my ass in gear, I'll letcha know where to find the shots. The boys pose like demons...it was a good concert, I felt like I was 15 and watching them on Muchmusic.

One point, I'm in the photo pit with the other photographers, and the women (please note they were mostly 35 and upwards in age) are SCREAMING like teenagers, and this photog and I look at each other, I told hi I was somewhat embarassed for them, being same generation and all...yikes!

If I get a cold, it's Simon LeBon's fault, he was sick (as was the backing singer I think) and of course being so close I could see up his nostrils, he was horking all over us photogs. Yay. Not.

Went to jam night afterwards, and met up with, ummm what have I called him? I can't remember, Jam Flirt, as well as others. Got called right up on stage to flounder, got a kiss as a reward (on the cheek, don't be too excited) and I think he bought me a drink, he won't say, but mine were mysteriously paid for by the end of the evening. Stay tuned, I'm photographing a gig on Saturday that he's performing in. He's not hot like HF, but he's got the most beautiful eyes and smile...and has a brain in his head (which for me is the most important part!). I'd say there might be interest. And again he can rub my back anytime :)

And last night I photographeda Six Shooter Records artist by the name of Royal Wood. Who has the most beautiful voice I have heard in a very very long time, despite being sick as a dog. As with most of the Six Shooter roster, his look is very stylized, very mod, they're an interesting band looks and sound.

I also discovered Serena Ryder, who it turns out was the headliner, and got a few shots of her. She was very good, really neat voice (ooo a smoker, bad bad singer) but while a pretty girl, is not a pretty singer, meaning that she looks like she's in pain frequently. Nothing against her thought, I know exactly that problem I have it also. I hate photos of myself singing!

Man I was late getting home though. Fucking city and routing you off highways, but not offering an alternative route. For those in Montreal who will understand this, the from the 720 the off ramp to the 20 west was closed off, as well as 15 south, so we were routed up Decarie, where the signs said that the 40 east and 40 west ramps were closed.

Um. Where in hell am I supposed to go to get home? Turns out the 40 west ramp was indeed open, thank god, because I think the first road guy I saw was going to die a death by my bitch. Not pretty.

Got to bed at 2. So for those keeping track, I think I got a total of 10 hours in 2 nights. So when I drop dead don't be surprised.

The chickenshits at work cancelled our dinner tonight, because of the snow. We're Montrealers, fuck the snow. But anyway, at least I can come home after work tonight. And go out after...oi!

nuttin!

Ya know, nothing like this time of year and being busy to suck the ever loving life out of one!

That and sitting in an hour and 15 mins of traffic for a trip that should take 15 mins! People are selfish, inconsiderate bastards when on the roads, here at least, and put them in a very expensive luxury vehicle or SUV and multiply by 100 % the asshole factor.

This morning wasn't an issue however, almost no one on the road, all took the excuse of the freezing rain (I had a Pontiac-sicle outside when I walked doogs this morning) to come in late. Delaying my manager's meeting and pissing me off greatly.

HOWEVER.

Duran Duran tonight, photos ensue, can't wait for that part, the concert, well, meh, I'm going with a friend who is big into them. It's to make her happy. What a good friend eh?

And then I'm going flirting, oh, I mean jamming.

Yeah.

Ok back to workie.

I'll read ya all probably Friday at some point the way things are going currently, just wanted to make sure you all know I'm not dead or anything!

and it's officially....

going into the homestretch of the time of year I hate/loathe/detest and I'm not really happy about it.

Nothing makes you feel like a lonely, alone, loser more than this time of year, if so inclined.

Getting it from all ends about New Years. I tried the "pretend to be happy" thing last year and made everyone at the party angry with me, so I'm not doing that again this year. It has been announced that I am staying home on New Years and everyone that thinks that I should go out and pretend to give a shit that I won't be able to write the correct year on my cheques in January (because that's what the new year is to me) are hounding me to go out.

Um. No.

Pay exorbitant amounts of money to be surrounded by drunk people who are to drunk to realize that it really doesn't matter, and we aren't having THAT much fun?

Not so much.

So I get thru all the parties, the little shopping I need to do, send it off to my family with my sister, and then I am not even answering the phone until January 5th.

Yep. That'll work just fine for me.

finally Flyday!

Thank god for the end of this week. It didn't start well, so let's hope it ends nicely.

Actually got a photo pass for a concert I'm going to because it'll make a friend happy. Makes up for not really wanting to see the artists in question, and paying the huge amount of moolah I did for a general admission ticket. Seriously. I think it's their last yahoo or something.....

ANYWAY....

Not much to say today. Too much work. Too much to do on the weekend, and as usual the house is a disaster. Yay me.

Ok running downstairs for food. Think I've cooked once this week? Nope....

why do I do this to myself?

You would think that at my age I would know better...but no, 2 am entry back to the house. Unlike last week though, a) I had one drink only and b) I had sleep the nights before - I was totally running on empty last week.

That being said, fun was had by all. The cute musician guy flirted with me shamelessly and admitting to having internet stalked me. Told him I guess I deserved it because I had done the same with him. He's playing downtown not this weekend but the one after, I'm going to take some photos. Only thing that worries me is that his drummer is a guy that hit on me last year and is a bit too intense for my liking, he wouldn't leave me alone to the point that last time I saw him I was mean. I don't like doing that, but seriously, dude, I'm not interested. Too bad, he's cute, but, personality-wise....erm no thanks. Also has unresolved ex/child issues, no thanks. If I end up alone due to my "no kids" policy, so be it, I don't want to get in the middle of that shit. Unless the bitch is dead. Then...maybe.

And I like the band leader better anyway :) And this month is pretty lean for photography subjects, and I have none of these guys. Here's hoping he plays that pretty guitar he doesn't bring to jam night!

So I'm like mud at work, but I had a blast singing and watching last night, listening, met some new people.

And back to the fun that is my job.

NOT. I'd rather go home and sleep.

hump day (I wish)

Well, today is a better day I think, I'm feeling better, feeling thankful that nothing really has changed with HF.....he's still calling me, talking to me, and I'm making damned sure that he doesn't feel any sort of change in me, because truth be told, I like him and we have a helluva lot of fun together and I don't want that to change. And I'm doing my damnedest to make sure he doesn't feel like there's been a change because of what happened on Saturday.

My previous feelings can fuck right off. I can do nothing about this. And they seem to have taken a back seat, which is a relief. Haven't shed a tear today. And for anyone not in the know, it has nothing to do with hope that his feelings will change in the future, they won't, not gonna happen.

Today at work has been insane, and I have a business dinner tonight as well. Then off to the jam session, at which I flirted ceaselessly with one of the organizers. He's cute. Met him during the summer, but he had a girlfriend, who is since gone. Turns out that we went to high school together. And if I'm repeating myself, please excuse me, I'm wiped out tired from today, I hate spending my day deep in thought. Too much thinking or something.

Anyway. He's cute. He's single, and we flirted alot last week, so let's see if it happens again this week. I liked the way he looked at me while we were on the stage and I was doing his backup vocals. Yeah baby. Flirting is good.

I also learned how to play the part in Maggie May that is done on the mandolin (as in my mandolin). Wasn't too hard thanks to Youtube.

Ok. Need to get more of this shit done. yay work.

thanks for your comments all. I think a good night's sleep helped immensely last night, but you guys help too :)

PS

This sucks.

warning #2: blues still haven't gone yet

I've been mulling this over all day.

HF came up behind me in the stairwell this morning (yes, I am purposely irritating the bad leg with stairs....call me stupid if you must, but, I'm craving exercise). He told me I smelled good and looked so nice in the color I'm wearing.

While it's nice for a friend to do that, it doesn't quite have the same impact.

Same thing with the cake he brought me. Last week, it was wonderous, stupendous and fabulous.

Now it's just something nice that a friend like my female friends would do.

It's lost it's sparkliness. Lost the charm. He's still a wonderful person. But not my possibly special wonderful person anymore. Just my good friend.

Sigh.

Back to the thing that pays the bills :S

warning: the blues haven't disappeared

I think I might take a break from blogging until my period of mourning and self-loathing is done, I don't want to depress anyone....

It's going into my absolute favorite season. <-----that was sarcasm

During which I have a general need to cry at just about anything.

Actually. I think I've been crying in my sleep if the condition of my eyes in the AM is any indication. I know I haven't stopped thinking about HF. He's been in my dreams.

Going into year #4 of singledom. In fact, I think I can count the dates I've had in the past 3 years on maybe 1 hand? Ok maybe 2 fingers?

Not that being single usually upsets me, in fact, normally it doesn't. But this ridiculous commercial season is so about being in a couple, being with family, and in all truthfullness, for as much as my family tries, I don't really have either of those things.

Friends have all hooked up. And I'm left on my own again.

It's probably best, I'm am horrible company at this time of year. Tears are always just *this* close....and come at the most inappropriate of times.

Ok shutting up now. I've had just about enough of myself.

fallout

So, I'm sitting here at work, leg KILLING ME (can I sue the federal government because I fell on the grounds of the parliament buildings?) and I have a song cycling in my head.

It's french, so I'm not going to put the lyrics here, but I'll betcha Technodoll knows it and will laugh.

Keep in mind I absolutely loathe Celine Dion, yet this song is in my head - Un homme pas comme les autres.

Have a laugh TD!

Edit:

I'm also feeling a keen sense of loss. Things at work are nowhere near as fun, and truly, I don't want to be here. We spoke in the kitchen this morning, but, obviously, it's just not the same thing. I've been teary all afternoon.

And it's stupid because this is neither my fault, nor is there anything I can do about it. Period. Hell, it's not his fault either, it's no one's fault (although we could have had that talk a hell of a lot earlier, but I get it).

Guess I just feel like an idiot.

day trippin'

So, we were off to the nation's capital yesterday, HF had never seen it, so he came along with me to a friend's house warming party, which was fun. Albeit hard to see my screwed up friend attached again, and this time to a nice woman, someone I liked alot.

We went walking around parliament, which I had never ever done myself, in my life (how sad is that), I taught HF all about black ice after he hit a patch and fell, then I hit a patch and fell (oh my aching leg, still hurts today, gronched my knee something wicked). He's done been Canadianized by hitting the ice!

I dropped him off near home (to his objections, dammit, I wanna whack him sometimes), he invited me in for a coffee, but first, I had wanted to go Park du 6 December (or whatever it's called exactly), it's been 19 years since the girl I know died, I figured I could handle it and it's right near his house.

So, he went with me, and I actually didn't cry. I'm surprised. Found her name. We said a little prayer, and that was that.

Went back to his place, he made some dinner for us, we yakked, I saw photos of his hometown, his friends, his family....his dog that he misses. Due to the talk, he figured I needed a drink, gives me this killer alcohol I can't remember the name of, it made my hands numb almost immediately...the we sat, drank beer and listened to music, ate, and yakked.

So I meant to go running today, but the knee precludes my being able to. Dammitall. I am feeling highly undesireable today, not for any reason in particular.

Lots of stuff going on this week, going to go back to jam night on Weds, hopefully able to play the mandolin, choir practise on Thursday, and a colleague is having a party on Saturday so HF and I are going together.

Called HF today, to make sure he knows I'm not mad at him. He'll be a good friend, I'm his only friend in Montreal, and it means alot to him. I couldn't be angry with him if I tried.

welll

I'm switching HC's name to HF...it never will be, and I'm not sure I really want to discuss it, but I had a few things confirmed to me that I suspected.

Not unhappy. We're just going to be friends and I feel very relieved about all of this.

pre-emptive post

Ok so I'm doing this now cuz y'ain't gonna hear from me til easily Sunday.

Fuck I'm busy.

Bell Center tonight, that is if I get confirmation this afternoon, list was submitted the other day and I haven't heard back yet...for the confirmation that is...guess I can just show and hope for the best? (see I'm doing this for the opening act, and they don't get as much clout as the headliner, obviously, in terms of photo passes etc, so while it's ok with them, it may not be ok with the promoter in which case I'll hear last minute this afternoon!)

Rock 'n roll yanno, it's only 12:43, they're not out of bed yet :)

And tomorrow HC and I are going out of town, to a friend of mine's housewarming and to do some sight seeing.

Good weekend all, I'll drop by as quickly as I can manage!

a huge announcement

Ladies and gentlemen....

the 6 string guitar is officially restrung!!!!!!!!!!!! woooooooooooo hooooooooooooo myself got off her ass and did something!

The 12 string however, still remains to be restrung.

One thing at a time...don't want to peak too early :D

The guitar on the left is mine btw.....I'll do a little advertising for the local company Godin Guitars, it's a B20 Norman...my 12 string is also a B20 Norman....sounds like a thousand dollar guitar for a much easier on the pocketbook price.

visions of grandeur

So Friday night. Ladies and germs (drum roll please).....

*I* am taking photos at the Bell Center (I think...seems the people in Toronto think it's ok, just have to get the tour manager to answer me back!) Luke Doucet. Opening for James Blunt. Whoah. Me and the big lenses. Should be nerve wracking!

Today at work was interesting, it was all about pissing people off, a sales rep about a commodity and then my office in Toronto a couple times, because I'm right and they're not....so I left at 5 feeling very satisfied with my day (LMAO!)
Men can be rather transparent.

Got an email from an artist about my photos of her today....what a nice woman. Got a chance to ask her some questions....

Ok that unstrung guitar? Still freaking unstrung. But I'm very awake and afraid to go to sleep due to my sleep induced migraine from yesterday/today, so it's frigging getting done NOW!

Oh and did anyone notice that the SAAQ now allows you to pay your registration in installments? Bout time. Due at the end of the month, sigh, it's like I owe them my life...and I should pay that parking ticket while I'm at it I guess eh?

Yay Quebec.

No snow. And now it's warm. How pleasant. I know it's only for a short time, however...

Oh a funny aside. The day I helped HC buy his winter jacket etc etc etc, I made him buy himself some long johns (keep in mind that he takes metro & bus to work, and work pants, even jeans, are freaking cold in winter when you're waiting on the corner of Cavendish & Cote Vertu). In conversation last night he thanked me for those suggestions, yesterday was minus 18 celcius....fraking cold....and apparently he discovered I was right about jeans being chilly....hehehehehe!

unbridled laziness

It's not like I've done nothing this weekend, I have, I've had a tonne of things to do, still do, things I haven't gotten my arse in gear to take care of yet.

Like changing the strings on my 2 guitars. You would think, for someone that's played the instrument since maybe the age of 10, I could do it pretty quickly and without much hassle. And yet, I haven't gotten down to doing it yet.

Sigh. I make myself angry sometimes.

I haven't felt like writing recently. Part migraines, I can't think when I have one, ever, it just doesn't work properly, ever. Means I have to put way much more effort into it then I feel like.

And I've been writing music. Lyrics instead of blogging.

Or maybe not enough things in my life are going wrong right now? I have no idea. Maybe that's what is going on. I've always been like this, I used to have a journal (well I still do) and I only wrote in it when things were going pear shaped. Never when things were going well. Which doesn't entirely make sense to me.

Ok back to my lovely seared cajun scallops with greens & sweet potatoe. I'm hungry as hell. And I'll make someone a lovely wife someday (hahahahahah!)

the good and the bad

Ok the bad. My little Emmy passed. My friend says this is the way it goes with the hammies, they can be fragile when small, and Emmy wasn't very old, only a few months, I have no idea what happened.

The good, well, I rescued another hammie that had been at the SPCA for a good long while. Her name is Bella, and she's been there months. So, one passed and I rescued another. I just told everyone they're not allowed to die! Not for a while at least. A little talking to...

Another bit of good was my little purchase today. See, I'm hoping it helps me earn some $$, so I spent $100 on a used mandolin. It's not a common instrument, it works for country, bluegrass (or newgrass) music as well as celtic music, and I want that sound for a few tunes I'm working on (one of them is the one I used the lyrics from the other day, from Rose Cousins). A friend books for a local joint and I'm hoping to get an acoustic gig possibly to help offset a few expenses. Once every few months would help nicely. Get some $$ put aside for the trip to Europe!

So tonight, I need to learn to play the freaking thing. It's fingering is completely different from the guitar, it's got 8 strings, but here's hoping I figure it out, I can remember the ukelele and it's the same thing....

Looks funny though, it's so small.

I need to cook myself some dinner and then I'm off to figure out how to play songs. Ah my life is bizarre.

why negative?

I am feeling so negative, so down, I don't know what it is, perhaps it's the migraine, or leftovers, I'm not feeling happy and upbeat like I have for the past while. I hate it.

Anyway, I say this artist the other day - photographed her, and this song speaks to me, as an idication of every relationship I've had (or rather not had) in the past, just gives you an idea of my fears and my head space....



If You Were For Me
(Rose Cousins)

I been waiting to see your car drive up
I been wiaitng for you to stop by
I been hiding while it’s raining
just until it clears
waiting for my tears to dry

In the pictures I see people dancing
and you’re the one who gave them to me
now it feels like I been painted out of the scene
and you’re gonna get married

but if you were for me
I’d be sleeping at your house
and if you were for me
there would not be any doubt
that you were for me

no I can’t tell the morning from the afternoon
or the afternoon from the night
when it’s raining it’s painting them all
the same colors of grey and white
and I don’t want things to change
but I feel it happening
you’re blurred and out of range
it’s like there’s heat rising from everything

now the moon shines in thru my window
and I used to share this with you
and I’m scared of losing the you and me that I know
and I don’t know what to do

but if you were for me
then time would still be passing
and if yuou were for me
then I would not be asking

if you were for me
if you were for me
if you were for me

grumblies

Migraine.

Oh how I love thee.

This has pretty much been a lost day during which I slept. Attempting to get rid of the pain I've had in my head since yesterday. Blurgh.

I'm not entirely looking forward to tomorrow. First off, I didn't go away for the weekend with the other managers, and there will be a honeymoon period for them before they start not working with each other again. I always work with everyone. But we have a management team that is primarily over 50, and they just don't for whatever reason I cannot fathom. Whatever.


I'm a bit blue this weekend if you hadn't noticed. Having a very insecure weekend for reasons that don't make alot of sense to me.

Me so dumb.

Anyway. Making myself some leek & potato soup (with bacon!) and I feel like baking so I'm making banana bread....except I probably won't eat that myself (except for a first hot slice with butter....mmmmm). First I'm starting with the bag of Alaskan crab legs I bought (food slut, I know...). I'll feed the banana bread to others....

Back to being insecure and cooking. What a combo.

---

Edit: the stupid cork won't fit back into the wine bottle (I never drink the whole thing in one shot). And I can't find one of those corky things that I've been given as a gift a few million times.

So I guess I have to drink the whole thing. I am feeling out of sorts, and still migrainey, so I guess a bit of drinking won't hurt, and if the pills won't make the migraine go away, make the fucker drunk :)


---

Edit #2: apparently crab legs aren't enough to cause me not to get loaded. So now, I'm writing a song, making the soup, thawing the fruz bananas, and I guess this is called drunk blogging.

welcome to my migraine

Nothing like waking up, slowly, and realizing your head hurts to the point where you don't want to lift it off the pillow. Yep. It's raining cats and dogs and I have a weather-related migraine.

Didn't stop me from going to meet a friend for breakfast, then picking up another friend and driving to my parents place for the afternoon. We had fun, sat and yakked with my mother, laughed at her with the new internet (my parents live in the country and just graduated from dial-up to high speed...SHOCKING!), got plants, I got some info to prepare my flights into Europe from my dad and it was all good.

We stopped on the way home for dinner at the bestest fish & chips joint in Cornwall Ontario...oh my god, I may explode, but whatever, I eat there once a year. It's the best.

I'm watching ER right now, gotta love a PVR, and Dr Green is on. Anthony Edwards is a personal fav, I know he's a dork, and a bald dork, but I've been in love with the guy since the movie Gotcha from the 80s. I know. Idiot.

Ok. I'm crashing. Nite all. If you're in Montreal, this weather blows. It's official.

still lazy after all this time

No posts. Can't get the act in gear.

I'm sitting here watching all the other supervisors and managers leaving for a weekend work/brainstorming thing - have fun bitches! I'm stayin home! I had a previous engagement (with Matt Mays & El Torpedo) so...um no.

And on that note, back to pseudo-work.

a post brought to you by the laziest bitch alive

Ok I'm not lazy, actually I'm busy. And tired. No shock there, if I stopped living my life at 10000 km/h everything would be fabulous!

So I've been editing photos, chosing shots for my portfolio and generally roaring around like a chicken with my head cut off. Along with work, pets etc.

Someone I used to be in a band with asked me to come meet the rest of his band with my portfolio this week, and we could talk turkey on costs etc.....omg I can't quite believe that, and I'm sort of hoping they want some live shots, I'm not a studio photographer at all in any sense of the word.

Tonight, more editing and bed with me, I'm super tired, and freaking hungry all the time. I don't know what's wrong with me.

so back to work I go, love you all, but, well, this shit pays the bills. Gack.

weekend blahs

So it's Saturday. I was out for breakfast with a friend, and now I'm at home cleaning and cooking.

For what you ask?

Nothing.

Just cuz.

It's gross, grey and raining out, and I'm in no mood.

Got a fucking parking ticket last night. I hate the McGill ghetto, I thought (due to my degree in astrophysics required to read Montreal parking/no parking signs)that where I was parking was alright, but the request for $42 of my hard-earned cash on my windshield says otherwise. It's my first ticket ever.

So, back to cooking and cleaning. Think I'll wash the floor (I am so often doing that the little pissing monsters - just can't wait the 1/2 hour extra for me to get home from work, no no have to empty ourselves on the wood floor that is becoming quickly ruined...).

Pea soup, and later vodka penne and an apple pie. The food food I can freeze, I don't know who I'm going to feed the pie to, I'm certainly not eating it.

note to self #13289843509274

Guarana seed is a lovely idea given to me by the HC, however....I am now very hyper, in fact buzzing, and to top it all off...it's made me extra...ahem....randy? ... which I did NOT need.

Goddamnit.

sometimes I amaze myself

3 am I went to bed. 11:30 we left Ottawa. Fog. Can'tseeyourhandinfrontofyourface fog. Took 2 1/2 hours to get from Ottawa to Montreal. Ack

Colin James was amazing.

And I'm still awake.

Bought a cd, had he & Craig Northey sign it...bought one for HC also, seeing as that was the first Canadian artist he ever saw (with moi), and had Colin sign a personalized message to him. I am told it was a very thoughtful gift

Ahhahahahahahahahaha!

So I'm conscious at work and I have no clue how.

Coffee? Like, IV form?

the blues

Nice day out but I'm feeling blue. More on this at another time when I've decided exactly what's going on, not sure what is happening at this moment in time....but I am having a feeling.

Me having a feeling.

What a novel idea.

nothing

I got nothing today.

Well I do, but I'm awaiting the results of the decision about Prop 8 in California before I start on things....

Status quo around here, except I'm off work early to go to Ottawa to see Colin James.

Saturday wonderment

The sun is shining, it's absolutely beautiful out....and I got my satellite installed today.

I'm never leaving the house again. 3 weeks without....OMG, it was hell..I have to catch up on Eastenders and Coronation Street, and Saving Grace, and shit, did Rescue Me start while I was incommunicado with the tv world?

Gack.

I have no plans to leave the house. For the next month. That's it, anyone wants to see me they better come here, cuz baby, I have HBO, BBC Canada, Showcase....oh the list is long....yeehaw.

Mr 2 Channels down there on the mountain will be jealous.....hehehehe....I have much of that "American tv" as he calls it.

Sigh. Yeah. Last night was good.

Yep.

ack!

I am cleaning.

I have company tomorrow night.

OhgodwhatinhellhaveIdone?

*white tornado swoops by*......

devilish fun

So....got all my shite together for my costume for tomorrow.

See, it's my friend's birthday. Yes, Halloween, poor boy.

He's the bartender at the pub down the street from me, always throws a big Halloween party for his birthday, and tomorrow is no exception. And I'm always given the heights of shit for appearing without costume.

So....I put together something I can both wear at work tomorrow and tomorrow night (although tomorrow night with be the more boolicious sexay version!)

I'm now horny and got some tail. Ok horns, a tail (red sequins no less) and for evening red velvet gloves.

Anyhoodles...

So there you have it. Tomorrow should be fun, and I have confirmation that the hockey player will NOT be showing, and that makes me doubly happy. He and my bartender friend are buds....and I was not looking forward to that confrontation considering that I called him on his lies etc and we never spoke since :) I do NOT need that shite.

more of the same

Ok.

Now how irritated must I be with Bell Canada? I know I know. None of them are any good around here...

Twice I ordered Expressvu (dish) and twice it got cancelled....so I got a nice guy from Ontario on the phone and he told me that my best bet was to go into the Bell store. So I did, got an awesome kid that got me a better deal then I got online, like $30 a month better...god bless and I will have tv on Saturday just in time to watch the Habs - cuz this girl is going into some serious withdrawl. And I'll get HBO. Thassa happy let me tell you!

I wanna whack people in the head today....work, I was walking by the HC's area and the girls he currently works with were grilling him, about me from what I could tell, and I know that irritates the shit out of him to no end. As in, lose it...he's a very calm guy but, although I've never witnessed it to that degree as of yet, I have no doubt he could lose it (and he says he has I just don't see it while steam pours out of his ears).

Then there's the manager that is bypassing me trying to get rates for a client. It's ok, his employees and I are colluding on that one. Piss me off again.

But all is fine, at some point I am going to have tv. PHEW! And currently due to a switch on the line (long story, but I need a special internet line as I only use cell and not a land line), I have no internet at home. Thank god for the episodes of Rescue Me & Six Feet Under that I copied eons ago....

Ok so that's me in a nutshell today, slightly disjointed, all riled up

of chicken feet & hot singers

So. Jonas last night. I don't find the dude to be the most attractive (in fact, for me his brother Lukas I find more attractive), but dude is one sexy mofo mover. Yikers. Those hips. Nuff said.

Funny thing is, met his parents, met his bro (hence I know how hot the bro is) and then realized that I know his dad...teacher at a local high school, frequently in my parent's store when they had it. Small world.

Anyway, twas a loud concert, many screaming fans (including a friend of mine, who behaved at sat at the back of the venue), but my friend the photog knowing the family was mucho useful.

I can't show you any photos yet because I'm waiting for the ok from the management. Or him. Not sure which. Photogenic dude though.

Anyhoo....onto today....

Like a good bean (and as instructed), I texted HC to make sure I was still meeting him somewhere so he could figure out where we were eating (he wasn't sure and I'm glad cuz I forgot where the restaurant was myself!), he called me back....we determined where we were meeting.

So I'm waiting and get a call from him that he's running late (at 11 and he's not at the metro yet....um...yeah....), behaving ever so South American....then he calls and says where he is so I walk up to meet him.

So we wander about, he complains that it's early (ha!) on a Sunday, he had a rough time getting out of bed. Get to the restaurant after me getting us mixed up, and meet everyone else.

Dim sum was fab. God I love it. Okay except for the chicken feet. HC and another colleague ate those. After HC did rude things with them at me that I caught on film. (an aside, do you still call it film?) and then told him "dude that is SO going on Facebook!". It is now there, and apparently disturbing to some (you know who you are!). It's funny. He insisted on preapproving it, so I emailed it to him after I uploaded it and the response I got was that it was horrible but fun. Um yeah. I have no control over what people on the other end of my camera do!

We wandered about, went to the chinese bakery, sat and ate some sesame/red bean buns (the same one..) and did some grocery shopping...

And. That's that.

Good time had by all.

:)

must. stop. freaking. myself. out

Ok between Aveos and Softimage this week, I'm worried we're back to the mid 90's bullshit crap that was going on when I was laid-off from Lufthansa. It's unreal, and I wonder if the large corps out there are using the bullshit excuse of the "economic difficulties" to thin the employee herd when in fact they aren't doing as badly as they say.

Just my thought. Cuz up here in Canada, we're not faring as badly as the US is. And that's a fact that corporations are seeming to forget.

Anyway, it irritates the shit out of me.

Ok so what you've all been waiting for.

So. Now I'm off to photograph Jonas. Considered by some to be a hottie. Considered by me to be...well...too pretty. Muscles do fuck all for this girl. Really.

Happy weekend all :)

oh no!

I think I've been blown off.

More to come.

Joo joo is broken :(

the blahs

Sorry guys, I'm just not mentally up to blogging at the moment, not sure what's up with me but I'm getting an overwhelming sense of negativity for some reason.

There's usually something behind it, but at the moment I don't know what that is. I have my suspicions. But, anyway, no clue.

Work. Don't go there. This week has been full of stress, and I am feeling pulled a million different directions, none of which I want to go in. No clue what's wrong with me today.

But it's the weekend. I have a million offers, just not the one I wanted. So maybe I'll just stay in and save some $$.

yahoo

The US State department.

Not so much.

Just sayin'.

This pretty much sums up my day so far.

and for dinner we have....

Smartfood popcorn & white wine.

Dinner of champions.

Not.

Dinner of the stressed more like. Oh I can't manage the cooking tonight, I have lunch for tomorrow and that's just freaking peachy and works for me.

Work is insane. And we got further volunteered for this project, HC's boss and I. Not happy. Lazy....erm......oh my colleagues out of town don't want to know what I think of them right about now.

Nice lunch today. I enjoy that rep.

And now I think I'm going to pass out and watch more Dennis Leary. I have a major Dennis love.

ummm good

Tortellini with a basil cheese rose sauce, green salad, a glass of white wine....and Rescue Me (see Dennis Leary a personal favorite) on the tv.

Yep. It's a good thing :)

Completely insane day at work today. I got volunteered for something that I really don't have much time for. I mean, just because I'm enthusiastic about something doesn't mean I want to be volunteered by a managing director to do it nationally.

Crap.

Busy busy otherwise.


I almost feel guilty for going to lunch with a cute airline guy tomorrow :) He's a rep, it's business, but I think he's awful cute. We used to work for the same airline, him in Toronto, me at Mirabel.

I want BBQ chips. Is that bad? Probably eh???

Damn.

Week 2 of being good and cooking dinner every night and taking lunch every day. I'm pretty proud of myself. DInner out once. That's it. Ok except for with HC, but I didn't pay for that. I need to save $$. Big time.

Ok one of the guys on Rescue Me is spraying cooking spray on his balls because he had them waxed. Dammit, I love that show.

And on that note, another glass of wine is in order while I edit photos.

:-) <----this is me in a good mood

So I had a terrific night last night....

After working all freaking day on my house, I got the reward of a lovely evening with a lovely man, including taking photos of a fabulous Canadian artist by the name of Colin James....what a guitarist!

Before the show, we walked and talked for a few miles, I explained a few of the landmarks (including Habitat, which said looks like the houses the poor build in the mountains of his country - can't remember the name).

He actually enjoyed the concert....and grabbed my camera and took a few horrendous photos of me (I'm in them, therefore they are horrendous!).

Then we went downtown and had Szechuan food, and he actually, he took me for dinner :) I was not allowed to pay.

Then we sat and talked for 4 hours. Oops.

Anyway. FUn.

Now to meet a friend for breakfast, then to her art show, and take some photos of my other friend's house which is currently 8 feet in the air (has to replace her foundation).

Then I come home and die a bit and back out to see Ron Sexsmith and get some photos.

YEEHAW!

TGI *freaking* F!

I have how the week becomes endless when there's a holiday. It's one day less...WTF??

Anyhow, have a fabulous weekend coming up, tonight I'm continuing the house re-org which in and of itself creates such a mess and necessary cleaning that I have absolutely no desire to do. But I did it last night and now that I've started I have no choice at all.

Am going to dinner with a friend, she's 50 tomorrow, yay her! And doesn't look at day over my age...it's the lack of children frankly....

Tomorrow it's the gym.... more cleaning if necessary (it's me, who am I kidding? it will probably be necessary) then down to the port to take photos of the CP Spirit Train, which is for the Vancouver 2010 Olympics...to generate some buzz. I got access from CP Rail for it, which is frankly huge, because I want to photograph Colin James who is the headlining act.

And Sunday night there's Ron Sexsmith, another Canadian act....looking forward to him also, interesting looking dude....different...

And truthfully, being off is GOOD. Amazing really. I have been looking forward to the weekend all week.

Back to the slog, I have so much going right now at work, but it's all good, it's all good, I love this....stupid, but I do.

Sigh..

this space

Is gonna remain pretty blank tonight, I'm freaking myself out for nothing and have decided that hard work on this SHIT HOLE I call a house is in order....so tonight....

I got nothing.

Have a lovely night y'all (god I hate that expression...hehehe)

oh no it's not good!

Ok I had a glass of wine while cooking dinner, which of course resulted in loud Pogues music being blared whilst creating my bland dinner (stupid, didn't taste as I cooked, was too busy singing "you're a bum you're a maggot you cheap lousy faggot"....at the top of my lungs causing dogs to stare....), but that can be saved of course.

My mental state cannot however.

It's behind the fridge. My mind that is. Follow my vino brain please :)

I was just reading something about how if my house isn't clean then I won't get a man. So I'm cleaning.

Ok. I've had too much wine. It's official. But my kitchen is looking good. Woo hoo!

nonsensical blather

So, for all my kvetching that I didn't wanna, I did work, my proverbial ass, off today. Tuesday, my agent in Delhi on my butt, a shipment gone terribly wrong that was going to Mexico....and a pile of requests as well as a project for the government.

Yey?

A glass of wine would do me right now, however, I'm thinking that with the impending inclement weather (rain, what else?), it's not good to tempt the migraine gods with vino.

I'll save that for the weekend.

I got invited for dinner on the weekend. Hello???? I'm feeling pretty good about all of this.

I searched for the recipe for the Brazilian carrot cake....it's called Bolo de cenoura (apparently I pronounced it correctly). Yummy. It's flat. With a thin chocolate icing. Delish.

I forgot to pay the Videotron bill. I even wrote it down. But you see, I have issue with the way they bill us (this is local cable in Montreal). See, most of my bills go directly through my account and I don't even notice them, but I object to having to pay up front for service I haven't received. But unfortunately this has a tendency to result in my hving the damned thing cut off because I forget to pay it, regardless of the multiple notes I tape to my computer, the fridge, the cupboard door....I am an idiota. So I'm waiting for the payment to make it to them for reconnection. Sigh. Idiota

But this is quite alright considering that I want nada to do with seeing anything concerning the freaking election. Don't get me going. It's really best.

So I'm editing photos for a friend, removing time stamps....yeehaw, I should also upload my photos from Thanksgiving and all and sundry that we did. As well as upload a few items to my Etsy store.....sigh.

Everything I need to do and so little time to do it in. I love my life.

Heh.

oh I'm supposed to work?

Grumble to IT depts that disallow certain things! Forcing me to blog on my cell. Seriously!

Sigh. I don't wanna work....

yadda da da

So if you read the comments, you'll know that I'm ok with all of this now.

I'll take off at lunch to vote, still not sure who in hell I plan to vote for though. The socialist that I am prefers the NDP....but the realist in me knows that doing what they want to requires more tax money probably in the end, and I, like alot of others, just can't afford, that. And I hate Stephen Harper. Where does this leave us.

Sigh. Canadian politics. It's all about picking the least damaging candidate.

Speaking of Canadian, back to my Blue Rodeo dvd. My favorite band, like ever.

a teensy rant

Ok. I love my friend. But I don't love some of the things she does.

She got together with a guy a year ago this past August, who had just gotten out of an LTR for a few years, living together etc.

In May he split with her for about 4 months, and came crawling back in August this year.

They're moving in together.

Explanation being that with kids it's easier to have help.

Um.

Puhleeze?

Is that a reason to move in together?

Someome to clean & fix things for you is a reason to move in together?

Not to mention his proclivity for picking women that will take care of him so he isn't alone... he doesn't like to be alone.

There's kids involved, I think that's one of the things that irks me the most, quick decisions are not to be taken lightly when there are children, but maybe I'm wrong.

Anyway. I was there when the split up happened, I was the one she leaned on. I have no desire to do that again. Ever. It was tough as hell on me emotionally, watching her as a mess.

Can we just imagine what it'll be like if this ends?

this post is brought to you by my fried brain

I'm in tonight, watching hockey. Actually watching the Canadiens beat the holy crap out of the Maple Leafs. Classic. Classic Montreal/Toronto battle.

I'm joining the hockey pool at work, and instead of chosing my players intelligently from what I know about their stats etc (I really am a hockey whore, I know my hockey), I am chosing players by hotness. Just as much chance of doing well what with injuries and such!

Should be out watching my friend's son play down on the South Shore tonight but truly, I am not feeling well. It was a hell of a week at work, culminating in my being completely and utterly stressed yesterday, and having to make sure a piece was found and made it to Vancouver because there was a grounded aircraft waiting on it.

This is why they pay me the big bucks.

I am feeling like hell right now, praying I don't have the flu, I just don't have time to be sick. I get every goddamned cold out there, including bronchitis, can we just avoid the flu thing please? I have stuff to do here at home tomorrow . Goddamnit!

Hammie wheels are turning, I'll try to get a photo of the hammies, but no guarantees on that....they don't like daylight nor flashes.

Anyway. No excitement at all really. Just me sitting down. For once. Watching some hockey. It's totally enjoyable. Phew.

Trust Me

Trust Me

(performed & written by Amanda Marshall)



I look at this mountain
So many heart aches wide
And I can't help but wonder
Where's the other side
I've got to be honest

I've got my doubts
These tears are asking me
What's this got to do with love?
Baby, I'll tell you something
To help us throught this long, dark night

When this trouble passes over
You and I will walk away
Knowing that our love survived
Another test of faith
You and I can walk on water
The river rises, we rise above
It may not look that way right now
But trust me, baby....this is love.

Love isn't easy
I'm torn, I confess
when a heart is uncertain
It's bound to second guess
This love won't forsake us
So dry your tears I promise you

I'm here for you baby
There's nothing I want more
Our day is coming
And we'll reach that peacful shore

One more mountain
Hey...so what
Trust me baby...this is love

acketh

Ok it's pretty freaking late. I had a busy day at work, rushed home, cleaned a bit, then my friend came and did my hair. More cooking ensued (I needed dinner yanno, shrimp and asparagus) and then I had a lovely bath.

Nothing like falling asleep in the bath.

Today at work was downright weird. After yesterday? Yep.

:)

:) is all I can manage currently.

I had a terrific time, what a lovely day, there are plans for future activities.

I'm feeling nicely happy right about now.

t minus 12 hours

So....apple picking tomorrow. I'm so looking forward to it.

Tonight I was at a surprise party for my youngest sister, who just graduated from nursing school. Starts her full time position on Monday at the local hospital - and is super stoked about it. I'm just glad she's found what she wants to do, being youngest, and my having moved out in her early teens, my sister was the least "watched" of all of us and she got herself in a lot of hot water up to age 25.

She's 33 now, and very serious about being a nurse. So yey!

So I'm just about to do housework, this place is a disaster, and I won't be around much tomorrow.

Iggy is yelping and yipping, seems he wants to go to bed and driving me crazy to try and get me to take him up.

To hell with the small dog. I'll cut his nails, that'll cure him (like to do that before I vacuum of course....)

So I bid you a fond nighty night

flyday!

Oh praise be to the gods or the goddesses.....whatever, all I know is it's almost the weekend.

Work coming out of my ears, but I've started to achieve an increase in business even with the economy the way it is, so I'm good with that! Work is what work will be!

I think I may have actually gotten enough sleep last night, thank god, I'm feeling alot less exhausted which is excellent.

Got a new hammie. Got to the SPCA and they were all still asleep so we woke one up and he was sweet (they can be unhappy when woken I'm afraid!), and loved being picked up and was very calm....so he came home to live with me. His name is Antoine.

Anyway. I had fun. And I feel a bit better that I could save another leetle hammie life. Happily most of the hammies that were there when I got Emmy & Mabel are gone, a few of Emmy's siblings left, but that makes me super happy.

Anyone in Montreal wants a bunny, they have about 15. Poor things.

Ok off to work!

finally it's Thursday

Oh thank god. Means one more day til Friday.

I'm morose. Going to the SPCA to get another hammie, because if I don't the vision of that little animal dying in my hand will prevent me from getting another one ever again. And I vowed to have 2 at any time, in an effort to give as many homes as possible to these little abandoned rodents.

Sigh.

sadness

My hammie Mabel passed away last night.

I was fiddling with her food (as in giving her more) and she rushed the cage door and fell a couple feet.

She died within 5 mins in my hand.

It was horrible.

Day of mourning.

warning: this post has hot (to me) men

Ok, call me a hocky whore. Go right ahead.

It's my favorite sport aside from Formula One car racing, and the added bonus to the action on the ice is that alot of the men are nothing to sneer at looks wise (and then alot of them are nothing to look at!).

Last night, I was 4 rows up from the ice, on the side close to the Habs (Montreal Canadiens all you non-hockey philes!) goal.

First off, Price is smaller than I expected. Somehow I expected dude to be huge and hulking.

Any way, in the area we were sitting, this is what I got to stare at all game:



First guy is the Habs defenseman Ryan O'Byrne, if I'm lucky he's 24, but at 6'6", I'll quote Technodoll and say "reer!". Best looking mug shot ever, sorry to say (got arrested in Florida early this year while probably hammered out of his skull at the annual rookie dinner).

Second guy is the Detroit Red Wings defenceman Niklas Kronwall (I like defencemen, they have nice asses due to skating backwards all the time....NUFF SAID!).

Ok now even if not a hockey fan you can see the benefits of a hockey game right?

Yep.

Hockey whore.

I can stare can't I? Or drool as my girlfriend I went with said!

I'm hoarse from yelling (yes, I'm a hockey screamer), and we had fun with the guy next to us that was a Detroit fan (they're my 2nd fav team behind the Habs, so last night was all good for me).

I know it's just an exhibition game, but props go out to Max Pacioretty, if the kid isn't put onto the roster this year, then Guy Carbonneau has been having vodka in his Shreddies all summer (another hot man...but in a different way....yummers). That kid is fast and scored one of the best goals I've seen in a long time, defencemen all over him mid air bung into the goal, it was a thing of beauty. And he was named a star. A photo of the child just post goal just cuz (I think he's all of 19).

And now back to my regular programming :D

hockey!

Hockey game tonight!!! wooo hooo I cannot wait! Men on skates + ice = wonderfulness
!!!

Does that make me very Canadian?

Other than that I don't have a whole hell of a lot to say today. Work is busy, but I'm distracted, as usual.

Other than that, I am majorly sleep deprived, however my photos are all done. And maybe if you're lucky I'll post a couple.

Technodoll, this is how I do everything I have to do, I don't sleep. Except for naps on the weekends. That explains all, including my stock in under eye concealer....

Ok back to work and my job of daydreaming and looking like a glass of wine :)

exhaustion

Well.

It was bound to happen you know. Me, desk, half asleep.

Coffee....I'd like to mainline it....

Grace Potter & the Nocturnals. Amazing. Out of Burlington, VT....they rocked the house last night. Chick plays a freaking Flying V....fab. Photos to come when I get my ass in gear/get sleep/whichever.

Due to pass mess ups - dude from Gillette Entertainment and I are like *this*. Ok not really, but he did comment that I was batting 1000 this weekend, however the magic email from the management always does the trick! Same dude from The Stills.

He did recommend that I photograph Nick Cave on Thursday because he only comes here every 5-6 years, Jason Collett is here every 6 months or so. I need to go find Nick Cave's management now...gack.

Tomorrow I'm going to a Habs game. WOOOO HOOOOOO IT'S HOCKEY SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok really I should work.

Or something. :)

ooooo

guess what?

I can blog on my cell!

So I'm currently sitting at Café Campus waiting for Grace Potter & the Nocturnals to start.

And true to form...no photo pass but the dude from Gillette Entertainment recognized me from The Stills last night ... and I have an email from management....sooo.....

I slept all day. Need a vacation from my weekend AND still haven't done laundry or house work.

Oh wee.

Certainly won't be winning any Suzy Homemaker awards.

Heh

concert photography day #2

This is a 3 photography gig weekend. Phew. 2 down.

I am exhausted.

Tonight was The Stills, band picked by Sir Paul McCartney to open for them at the 400th annniversary of Quebec City. Big coup. Opening for them was a super band whose name escapes me right now, I'll get back to you tomorrow.

800 photos to edit and counting (actually more than that - sigh).

Will I EVER clean my house?

More later.....

Home

To anyone remotely worried , I'm here. Yes it's almost 2:30 am...that would be due to being stuck for almost an hour on the Ile aux Tourtes bridge in Vaudreuil, due to a jacknifed truck, I wonder if due to the ASSHOLE in the pick up truck that passed me around exit 26 in Hudson.

Pissing rain and dude is cutting me and others off doing 140 kmh (that's about 87 mph to you guys in the US). Idiot.

I hate people.

Anyway, concert was lovely, even if it did start very late, and at some point I'll get my photos edited and I'll write more tomorrow.

Bed with me.....later.

blahs

So. I'm off alone to Ontario...

Sigh.


So music, and Red Bull and coffee and I'll try not to sleep all the way to Wakefield.

Wish me luck.

I really wanna see Martin Tielli.

tgif and other tales of stupidity

Mrfmmmm

I am alive, and kicking and here. It's a miracle. I could have stayed in bed all day.

Tonight's drive should prove interesting, back and forth and side to side, all the way to Wakefield (which is Ottawa and then you drive north back into Quebec) and back again. I see 2 Red Bulls in my future (which apparently will cause long term damage to me....wooooohooooo!!!!!). Gym tomorrow morning should be special considering I won't have slept at all probably!

Wish I had company :( This is what I get for being musically adventurous!

Today Hot Coworker looks particularly hot as it's jeans day. Blue t-shirt and jeans...mmmmmmmm I'm such a slut. Actually he's been particularly aloof recently which doesn't work for me (actually not true he gave me the big grin and wave and "Hi Myself" across the office.....it's just not enough for me dammit!)

Ok I'm losing my mind.

Maybe I should get back to work. Maybe? Dumbass I am!

bla diddy bla

Ok it's finally Thursday. If I wasn't driving to Wakefield for Martin Tielli & Jenn Grant ALONE tomorrow, I'd go to karaoke, but I'll just stop in to see my friend G for a G & T and come home and sleeeeeepppppp.

Today I am a total klutz. I tripped over the toes of my shoes. They're my favorite brown shoes, made in Brazil (shut up), square toed, slip ons, but I always trip over the toes (I have clown feet to start with - size 10...woot). Trying to get out of the house this morning I knocked over a container of beads for my jewellery (not good) tipped over the foot high barricade I set up to keep the dogs out of the basement (short dogs), and caught my toes on the grass whilst dragging my recycling box to the curb.

I am soooo talented.

Get in this morning to a message from my favorite agent. From Brazil. Can you hear the sarcasm oozing from that statement, because this is the most irritating person alive. I need to go ask Hot Coworker how to write "please fuck off and die" in Portugese....she deserves it I tell you!

Sigh.

My Habbies won a game last night, and I forgot to watch. Oops. It's only exhibition anyway, not the end of the world, but I am soooo happy it's finally freaking hockey season, bring it on. Beer & hockey. Life is so very good.

Our new winter tire bullshit law. I swear the Quebec government is getting kickbacks from the tire industry....here's hoping the tires in my basement have a snowflake on 'em or it's going to cost me about $600 to get new rubber. NOT HAPPY. I pay goddamned $250 for my registration (yes those outside of Quebec, A YEAR!), which is also due in November. Think it's also the year I get to pay my license (another $90 bones).

GACK. That's really all I can say.

Why don't they just take my entire paycheque instead of pretending to let me spend the 60% I do see?

And that's about it in the world of moi.

Oh one thing. Why the hell am I not in the Papineau riding? Cuz let me tell ya right now, Justin Trudeau wins in the "hotness" category (yes American neighbors, we're having a federal election this year too, but you wouldn't think so considering all I hear about are Barack and McCain.... and sooooo don't get me started on that subject). But then again, I thought his dad was dead sexy (Pierre Elliott Trudeau if you aren't from here). Ran into him, he must have been 80 at the time, he winked at me and smilled and I swear to you I was maybe 20 at the time and would have done the dude right there and then on Guy & Rene Levesque!

Just sayin.

Ok. I think I'll crawl back to work now.

all praise hump day

Not much to tell at the moment, busy as shit at work, got a few new clients, go me! Finally, was starting to feel extrememly ineffective for a bit there!


Did a free photography job for a friend's band. Sometimes I want to throttle people. I'm good a photoshop in terms of photo editing, when it comes to making posters etc, not so much. So I did them a favor and made a poster out of my photo....took me hours to get their logo off the JPG it was in etc etc, and now they want this bigger, that smaller etc.

Who do I whack first? Them cuz it's a free jobbie (and my photo is smashing) or myself for being an idiot?

Sigh.

Sometimes it does NOT pay to be nice.

Ok lunch. Cuz I'm dying here.

Friday night fame

So, I think yesterday I said I would fill you all in on my Friday night.

Got stuck in MAJOR traffic on my way downtown, stupid traffic, ridiculous traffic. Traffic that made me want to get the hell out of my car and drag the asshole that yelled at me for letting one car not 5 in front of me out of his car and rip his head off so he could watch me beat the crap out of him for being a complete BUTTHEAD!

Sigh.

My temper.

Milles excuses....

Anyhoodles. Finally get down to the parking, slam my car into a spot, pay the dude that has gotten to know me well now (all the smaller music venues in Montreal are very close to each other) and run to Metropolis because I'm figuring I may be late, and everything can go wrong when you get a photo pass, as in the person with the passes not informing anyone that you are coming!

Pick up my ticket from the box office (you don't usually get a free ticket when the acts are small, which is fine, they need to pay the bills and I generally don't photograph anyone I'm not interested in listening to anyway). Melissa Ferrick's tour manager had told me that the pass would be at the box office. However it was not.

Understand that generally speaking, security sees a camera with a lens like mine and it's out the door you go or you leave the camera at the box office unless you have a pass.....so I'm pretty bent out of shape, until the security guy points to this dude coming out of the venue and says "He seems to know all, ask him".

So I say "any idea who has the photo passes?". Dude looks at me and says "um nooooo", then laughs and says "You are Myself, you are *it* tonight for photographers so go right on in". And proceeds to tell me that he liked my Derek Trucks photos on my website. Wow.

I get into the venue. Now. Melissa is an out lesbian, so very much like the Melissa Etheridge show I figured that there would be quite a few in attendance at this show.

I was not disappointed.

I figure there were about 150 women there. Four of us were straight. The rest were not. And of the straight girls, one was me, one was the tour manager for the opening act Andrew Ripp Band, and the other two were there to see Melissa.

As for guys, six, tour manager of Melissa, two guys from the Andrew Ripp Band, the bartender and the two boyfriends of the two straight girls!

Andrew Ripp Band was amazing. Seriously, what a great choice for Melissa's opening act. And what a daunting prospect this guy going out there knowing fully well they are Melissa fans, and knowing full well he's playing to a house of women that *don't* find him as cute as he is (see below photo!). Really wowed me he did.




Photographed him for the requisite 3 songs even though I didn't have a limit from his management, I don't feel it fair to stick a camera in an artist's face all night....regardless...listened for the rest of the time. Fantaqstic.

So Le Savoy is a small room in Metropolis, the act has to go thru the crowd to get to the stage, Andrew saw me, and stopped and said "oh! I'll be back to talk to you!". We had a quick 2 email correspondence on Myspace while I was looking for an email addy for his management. Anyhoo, he came back and thanked me for taking photos and introduced me to his tour manager. They were all super.

I felt like bloody royalty!

Then Melissa was on.



Teensy little thing, big voice, phenomenal guitarist, and hilarious, the stories, I can't even describe them, she is bloody funny. She's got more than one cd out, having been dropped by a large label a while ago, and makes a go of it herself with her own label. I love that. The system fucks you, fuck the system back.

Regardless of the tunes of love and loss being written from the perspective of woman to woman, it's the eternal story and it works for everyone, regardless of your sexual orientation.

I was floored. Really.

There is so much amazing music out there that people just don't know about, and if it's not on the top 40, no one listens, and these musicians are amazing, fantastic, prolific, ultimate musicians....it's like Six Shooter Records tag line says - "Because life's too short to listen to shitty music".

Amen.

I will not be a lemming.

Anyhoo, when she was done, I said goodbye to her tour manager, bid a fond farewell to the Andrew Ripp Band bunch and said "the straight girl contingent will be leaving now!", and left to laughs all over.

This weekend coming, it's out to Wakefield Friday to see Martin Tielli with Jenn Grant opening at the Black Sheep Inn (Six Shooter artist, my fav label!), Saturday The Stills (the Montreal band handpicked by Paul McCartney to open for him in Quebec City).....and Sunday night Grace Potter & the Nocturnals, who I saw perform with Derek Trucks, what a voice!

I love my hobby!

the kids

Well seeing as Technodoll asked, here's a photo of one of my hammies, this is Mabel, she's very friendly. Emmy won't dare let me touch her she turns over on her back and hisses at me. Or bites me. Yeehaw.


Also included is a lovely shot of Tama...the cat. Or Tamalamadingdong as I call her frequently.


And this is Bungee. Or beastie from hell as I like to call him


This is Iggy. He likes to burrow. Loves it actually, his favorite pastime.


And this is Vince.

Happy now? Only ones missing are the turtles Speedy & Gonzales, and Emmy the finger biting hammie.

and.....

It's the weekend.

Thank kerist.

Today is happy happy sing along with the music just a little louder day!


So, Melissa Ferrick tonight, will try not to look too attractive to the ladies since I don't swing that way, and the Andrew Ripp Band....I love taking photos, this weekend is all about music and photos, I ask for nothing more - the things I love most in life other than my family and friends!

Woot!

more useless babble

Shipment from hell left Memphis. You may not understand that, but tis a good thing, means it'll be there today and it's due tomorrow. It's ALLLLLLL good! Phew! My hard work/hissy fit did the job.

Slight migraine today, not really sure why, makes no sense, but I am feeling the head pain.

Website is proving usefull, racked up a 3rd gig to photograph a band.

Would be happy as shite to go home right now, I think I need more sleep, but sadly, that's not in the cards.

Personal training yesterday, we had a frank discussion about my stommach. I've lost everywhere except the area between my boobs and belly button and it's pissing me off in a big way. BIG WAY. I don't get it, so we get to work more seriously on that area as it's bothering me greatly. I've lost all this weight and yet I see a photo of myself and still look like a cow even though I know my pants are what? 5 sizes smaller than a year ago?

Grrrr. Bodies. I'd like someone else's please.

Bell Canada

I am going to scream.

Disconnected my home phone number after a series of disconnections that essentially resulted in the following "oops, it's an error, we shouldn't have done that" and having my account credited.

I'm still being billed.

I swear I'm going to scream.

And do you think that the disconnection department can tell me the date they disconnected it finally? Or rather cancelled it? Geezus christ I wanna scream.

All on a busy work day.

Yeehaw.

**** UPDATE****

Dude in the disconnection department found out for me that I will credit all charges from the end of July to now and to wait for the bill - he organized that for me.

God bless him.

you had me at hello?

It's going to be a completely insane day, something has gone completely wrong already, wonderful.

Sometimes I miss this sort of insanity and sometimes I'm glad I don't encounter it that often anymore. I guess that's why I like the transport business.

So I replaced my swing dance classes with a jazz dance class with the same teacher, but different night, no more fucked up schedule, I hate when work interferes with my outside life, I think that it sucks the life out of you to be all work no fun. I like to balance my fun. It's important.

Ok. Off to straighten out a mess. Yeehaw.

discoveries

I've figured a few things out, or rather discovered a few things over the past week or so

1) I'm freaking shy for no reason

2) I don't mind a man being complimentary and chivalrous if I like them enough

3) hamsters bite....HARD! little bitch - I'm trying to get the baby to get used to me, up to now she's just given my fingers a bit of a nip, but she bit down last night. Ouch! See hammies are pretty blind close up and if my hand smells like food.....yeah, have to remember to wash my hands before I go to do training with her.

4) I am a fucking amazing cook and just don't do it enough

5) I need to be better with the moolah

6) I take some pretty fucking amazing photos.

7) I say fuck a hell of a lot, but we all knew that didn't we?

Yeah ok so there you have it.

I was going to take a swing dance class, but work messed that sucker up for me, what else is new. The bunch of us in the car started a discussion on Saturday which was somewhat uncomfy for me because I'm management - concerning salary - and I felt a need to defend the fact that I make more money then they do (we have salary classifications here, so they know the range of my job's salary - what they don't know is I'm close to the top of it), and why I make that much money. Case in point. Work is interfering with my dance class. They don't have that. I do, and there's nothing I can do about it.

So next semester of swing class. Piss me off.

Suppose I need to get back to work. Sigh.

evening calm-down

Well today was a busy one at work, concerning which I have no objections, that makes me happy does being busy.

I actually didn't konk out, but right about now I'm thinking on the idea. But I have to cook myself something to eat, think I'll have eggs of some description, and need to cook some soup.

Well I don't need soup, but I want lentil soup. Had some the other night and it was yummy, so I want some now.

I am photographing a concert on Friday night, Melissa Ferrick, with the Andrew Ripp Band opening. Looking forward to it. (me and the indie artists!). My new website has proven useful, since having it up and running, I have gotten every photo pass I've asked for.

Also have a gig photographing a friend's band, they need a shot for their poster, I have a few ideas, and the unofficial band leader and I seem to agree on it. I like black & white.

For some reason I'm looking forward to work tomorrow.

Ok back to lentil soup!

lalalalalalalalalaaaaaa

Ok.

I'm alive. Seriously. I am.

It's also 1:30 am and I'm blogging. This is what snoozing does.

I did NOT do my 10 km walk due to the rain I woke up to. I object to muddy/wet feet, always have, always will....I'll get blisters and not be able to get half way thru the walk.

They got their moolah, and my feet are ok, that's all I find to be important!

So. Tired from yesterday, it was horrible waking up this morning. But all had fun I think/hope....

I took a whole whack of photos, looked at them all today.

I will share one thing with you though, and that is this:



Yep. That's an Ottawa police officer.

I have many other photos of more of 'em, but this is the only one without a face. Cuz, you know they'll be pissed and come arrest me if I post photos of 'em.

Alrighty. I really should go to bed. And I'm babbly because it's almost 2 am.

NOW I need to sleep.

Did ya like the picture though?

exhausted

Just got back from downtown, took photos......got back from the plane pull challenger at about 6 tonight, our team didn't do too well - but had fun, I hope and think we may do it again next year!


Now I'm going to bed. Tomorrow is another day, and if it doesn't rain, I'm walking 10 k....so....laterhosen!

disclaimer

I won't be around much this weekend, so I'll attempt to blog maybe Sunday, but with my schedule I'm expecting that I'll be unconcious by that point....booo!

Tonight, dinner with friends, out to see other friends play with previous friends, then tomorrow off to Odderblah for the plane pull (go TEAM!) ooooogling of hot men's butts, then home, quick shower get ready, to a friend's party with another friend (appearance only) and then out to see a U2 tribute band at Hurley's downtown (have I mentioned I hate U2? the things I do for friends), and then Sunday morning I have my 10 km walk for the Heart & Stroke Foundation which I will NOT do if it's pouring because I seriously object to being wet in any way shape or form (if it doesn't involve sex that is, and seriously, it's me, we know it doesn't involve sex!).

And..........then I pass out.

I seriously need to cook some meals for quick reheating for the week, but I know that ain't gonna happen.

Good thing I enjoy yogurt and green peppers.

This is why my personal trainer from hell says I'm not getting enough protein.

Unless he's planning on coming over and cooking for me this weekend, he can fuck off. I'll drink those stupid hemp protein shakes (this girl can't have whey, and I drink 'em with soya milk, oh yay me) and live with it til I'm conscious enough to make food.

Next weekend. After photographing a few concerts.

Why do I do this to myself.

So. I'll be checking into your bloggies, but as for mine, you may only get a snippet.

And I'm snippy. It's the cold + too much to do.

And lack of sex.

Goddamnit.