Thursday, July 31, 2008

oh Canada

Best quote of the day:

"fuck public transport, I like my head better than trees"

That is my friend who lives here in Montreal and works in the southern US (goes back and forth numerous times a month.

In response to this:

off with his head

Ok so we have free healthcare. Part of the problem with that is the healthcare system, regardless of me personally contributing 47% of my salary to the government (and that's just me, not the other millions of people in this country), is severley underfunded.

The mentally ill are generally "fixed up" and then sent out to their own devices.

The armchair psychiatrist in me figures this dude is probably schizophrenic, either undiagnosed or released after treatment, and knowing what I do about schizophrenia (a former co-worker ended her life, ended the voices, by jumping into a freeway when I was 19 - the Decarie for you Montrealers), chances are he had stopped his meds because he felt better or they just weren't working, as is frequently the case.


That's all I'm saying

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

alrighty, you know you wanted to tag me

Technodoll kindly didn't tag anyone, so, well, I'm doing this out of the kindness of my own heart (and will also NOT tag anyone).

The rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you and post the rules on your blog
2. Share 5 songs you are embarrassed to admit to others that you like and tell why
3. Tag a few people at the end of your post

The Winner Takes It All - Abba - it's Abba, I was embarrassed back then, I'm embarrassed now, but I am an absolute fan, and I could just list 5 of their tunes and this would be all over....

Your Body is a Wonderland - John Mayer - the man is a douche. Nuff said.

All My Exes Live In Texas - George Strait - I'm a country fan...but most people in Montreal are not, and well, they look at me as though I'm out of my mind.

Jessie's Girl - Rick Springfield - Cheesy, and man, it's Dr Noah Drake. What more do I really have to say? BUT I LOVE IT! It's on my iPod!

Head Over Heels - The Go Go's - They were from California, they were ditzy, they were cheesy and I can't help but bop to a Go Go's tune. I'm hanging my head in shame.

BONUS TUNE....I'm old, most of what I'm embarrassed about is also old. But I have a current tune. I Kissed A Girl - Katy Perry - I'm 39. I really shouldn't even think of enjoying this tune. But it's on my iPod. Dammitall.

Go at it anyone that dares.

And if I don't get the link to TD right, goddammnit can someone explain?

** EDIT - hyperlink works, I think I've finally figured out how to do it! woot!

doooo dee doo dee doooooo

Technically speaking, I should be the happy owner of a neato keeno new shiny laptop today.

But I dunno. Puro looks like it's still in the states. Booger.

And my stuff from the Ex is also on it's's the Nascar race in Montreal this weekend, gotta do the company thing and have a Hamelin shirt yanno (the Ex team, driver #11)! Considering popping down that one...why one asks, does a huge F1 affictionado want to hang with the red-necks? Well. Cuz?

But as usual, I have way too much to do at home.

Did NOT get my press pass for Joshua Radin. Grrrr. Not only did I email management weeks ago, the manager herself answered yesterday with "oh, I thought someone else had already answered you". Disorganized. Amazing that her roster of artists is even remotely successful.

Shitgoddamn as a friend would say.

Can't photograph it, I ain't goin'.

It's not so bad, my friend didn't even get a response to his request for Coldplay last night, however, I'm sure everyone and their cousin asked for that one.

But I have a list of things I'd like to photograph (people this is)...and one by one, I need to contact management.

Crapola. I gotta get that computer soon, mine is choking under it's workload. Tried to edit some photos last night and it objected.

Course it'll take me days to get all the Dell shite off the new one, and then reinstall everything, but hey, what else do I have to do in life eh?


Yeah. Lots.

Sushi tomorrow with friends. I have a girlfriend that just senses my sushi cravings, and I can't even SAY the word to her that just sets her off. So she emailed last night....yey! My favorite. Sea swimmers and bottom dwellers!

Trying to plan what I need doing this weekend along with what I want to be doing. Oh my. Two days isn't enough (so I took 2 days vacation for Monday & Tuesday).

Actually. Monday & Tuesday I have to wear this asshat blood pressure thing, and I don't want to go into work with it on. Stupid buttheaded thing. I also need to go in and get my blood taken....everytime I get there it's a huge line and I say fuckit almost immediately. My patience for our medical system is about zero I'd say.

This of course interferes with my desire to photograph Jack Johnson.


Such is life.

Anyway. Not much exciting happening currently, nothing has set me off, nothing has excited me, nothing, nothing nothing.

So, I'm going down for my bagel (thankyouverymuch proper Montreal bagel!) and coffee, and then I'll ponder the universe while I watch.

Letcha know if I come up with anything interesting :-)

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

and she's back!

Yeah. I'm some semblance of ok this morning. Knock on wood please, I need another migraine like yesterday like a big ole hole in my head! Well it wasn't just yesterday, it started Saturday. I love head pain.

$140 in groceries yesterday. Please note, I'm ONE PERSON! Yes there was cat food in there, but not $100 worth!

How strange that Prin and I were at Ikea at the same time placemats, new table, new stuff, cuz my old table was, well, just that, old, so I didn't bother with the niceties.

I work across the highway from Ikea. This is probably NOT a good thing right? Erm nope. However the Ikea card is not full, not nearly, so that's good.

Doggie training is so far going well, he does some of the stuff that I'm supposed to train bitty beastie to do and I didn't even realize it. Now driving him to pee is going to be a pain in the ass though (he marks in the house, this is to keep him from doing so as is me needing to collect urine from other dogs....I love my dog, I love my dog...)

He's very stressed out I'm told (how the hell did I realize that) and what has worked with other dogs doesn't work with I'm to put him at the bottom of the pack, which he is, and his stress level will reduce (I didn't realize I needed to do that with him, the agression, dominance, I just assumed he was top of the dogs..*I* am top top dog).

Well it's working. He didn't sit on me and shake last night. When he gets on the sofa I have to make sure it's my idea, not his,'s going well. Phew.

Men. There are none. LMAO. That was short and sweet! Ah I did meet someone via one of those stupid Facebook aps that my girlfriend convinced me to try, we've been yakking back and forth and he's dead cute, but a mother would absolutely die (dude is putting up with my unpractised French for which he has my eternal gratitude - problem with a non-mother tongue language is that if you don't use it you lose it, and baby, work in international transportation for an American company and see how much you use! Except for France/Belgium/Germany/Austria it's always English - I speak German also you see - worked for Lufthansa for 7 years, and when you study music they suggest German and Italian lessons - gotta know what you're singing....)

Speaking of singing, TD I just realized I have the ability to put some stuff up on Youtube. Frightening. I'll letcha know.

Anyway, he's cute, younger (I beat you TD...7 years), which I like, a bit chubby, probably shorter, haven't asked but assuming from photos, and smart cookie and the french thing of being called "ma belle" is quite nice let me tell you (all these years in Montreal - well whole life - and I've never dated a francophone, gimme a break k? it's sweet).

Interesting prospect I guess?

My thoughts have also turned to a guy that I never persued and should have, he was a bass player for a celtic band I love (Kitchen Party, well worth going to see!), he and I used to sit and chat between sets, before sets, whatever, but I went to see them once and he wasn't there, which didn't surprise me, he had a lot going on workwise and this was a heavy working band (tours of Scotland/England etc), he'd said something to the effect that it was too much because of his business (owns a rehearsal hall/room place). Tripped over photos of him while backing up my hard drive.

Why didn't I persue him again? Oh yeah. Too chicken. That's me all over.

And I'm babbling. And I need to get back to work, if I think of anything else I need to say I'll post again, but at this point life is pretty stable, boring even.

Except my Dell is coming tomorrow....muahahahhahaa. Which means seeing my ex husband to get him to remove all the Dell bullshite stuff. Yay. And I still need to get out and buy my router...there's a Future Shop next door....I'll go there...although I usually want to kill people there.

It's not Ikea. Dammitall.

Monday, July 28, 2008


Still not feeling good.

Still have the migraine and now I've taken so many pills to try to dull the pain that I am physically ill.

Yay for being at work.

I don't think I'm coherent enough at this point to write much, so maybe after I've been to Maxi hell (grocery store) and then home and had a nap I'll be able to be understood.

Back to work. What I can manage that is.

Sunday, July 27, 2008


I'm alive, I'm here, I'm just migrainey and been bloody busy this weekend!

Yesterday was a full full day, personal training, behaviorist with the dog from hell (aka the piranha) see the photo! NOT an innocent as he looks. Man I have alot of work to be doing now, let me tell you. His problems are VAST.

Then it was off to Brockville for the family thing, and thankfully it's over. Phew. I wanted to kill my nephews. Seriously. My sister just laughs.

Today it was brunch and I have a horrible migraine now. Slept half the afternoon away. So no worries, hopefully tomorrow I'll feel a bit better!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

and so more of the same!

Ok, so I'm still in internet hell. Internet up...except that it disconnects every 3 seconds. Very frustrating. They're trying to tell me it's something in my house, which, I guarantee it ain't...nothing gets near the equipment....we had a big thunder/lightening storm, and now something is f-ed up (and apparently same with phones in the area, about 10 houses without phone).

Then I discover my home phone isn't working. Why you ask? Not a clue. So I call. Well I owe a debt so they disconnected me. What debt? Erm. Don't ask me. The beauty of online banking I have a listing of every transaction made on an account....meaning I can give them a list of all payments to Bell Canada. So finally after 3 phone calls and me losing it (I admit, I lost it), they said "oh, we made a mistake" and restored my service.

Shoot me? Please? Because I am going to kill someone otherwise and I'd rather be dead than in prison being made the bitch of some woman nicknamed "Bubba".

Totally random, but I look mega cute today. I have this blouse I don't wear often, asian inspired and my hair up and lovely brown pants, brown heels, I look really cute.

Let's hope a random meeting with dude upstairs with same name as my ex is forthcoming?

Yeah who am I kidding?

I had a lovely evening last night buying myself sweat pants for the gym, or rather those workout pants that end at yours knees, but OMG I hate Walmart with a passion...or maybe it's just the people that shop at Walmart (and therefore do I hate myself?). $130 later....and I also have a booblicious shirt. That I kinda have to take in a bit (room for the boobs, but too much room under the arms....story of my life, why do they assume overweight people have huge arms?).

I start back at the gym after a self-imposed (read into that money) month long sabbatical from personal training. Or torturing. But my trainer is hot and super sarcastic and not peppy and hey I like him for that. No love him. When I was asked what kind of personality I wanted my trainer to have, I said "if it's a perky person, consider I may kill them". I hate the gym. Nothing is going to change that, I just know that I need to go. I don't need someone that's happy happy all the time, they'll end up getting whacked in the head.

So I got Not-Perky Trainer. Who tells me to go fuck myself when I don't want to do something, I'm not allowed to tell him no, makes fun of me when I whine, and I get along with really well. Also turns out he knows my sister (they worked at a gym together), has met my parents (therefore has met my mother and knows why I am the way I am) and knows my brother in law. And I am a project he wants to succeed with. Now if I could just get off my ass...

Speaking of family. I am SO looking forward to Saturday. I have personal training at 10, an appointment with the behaviorist for the little piranha at 1, and then have to get in my car, drive to Brockville (2 hours about) for dinner with my 85 year old grandmother and the rest of my irritating family, and then 2 hours later turn around and go home (another 2 hour drive).

Can I hear an oh joy? Yeah didn't think so.

I want to go out that night, not futz around driving all over the place. Grrrrrrrrr.....sometimes I wish I had been born and then left under a tree somewhere to be raised by the chipmunks. I absolutely hate having to rush on the weekend, I've done enough of it during the week. At least my non-Ontario sister is coming home with me (my parents and one sister defected to Ont-borio as I like to call it - that sister lives in Odder-blah - parents south of Odder-blah) so I have company and don't fall asleep in the dark.


Grandmother will undoubtedly tell me I've taken on weight (like a ship takes on water) which of course I haven't, in fact I've lost weight, and she'll ask me why I'm still single.

And then I'll shoot her.

It's my dad's mother, so she asks the single question, because my other grandmother, who gave birth to my mother and raised her miraculously without killing her, knows why I'm single. I'm just like my mother.

My father is a freakin' saint, and my grandmother apologizes to him often for saddling him with her.

Anyway, enough of my kvetching, because you know, it's such a fabulously gorgeous day out today and ....

Oh's cloudy, rainy and fucking humid as all all you curly haired types, I look like Lori Partridge right now, my hair is straight and mousse + humidity = flat as fuck hair stuck right to my head. VERY attractive. So it's pulled up otherwise I look like some huge street urchin (seeing as again, I'm 6 feet tall in heels today - I am not going to get over that one, why do intelligent men become blithering idiots when they can't realize that a 5'8" woman becomes 5'11" in heels???? seriously???? can you boneheads add?)

Ok sarcasm is activated this morning.

Good job.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008


I say fuck alot.

I also write it alot.

Sorry to anyone offended!

they bring me up, then they bring me down

Ok so my entire computer didn't was just my case and my external drive...dammitall. Apparently my requests in terms of specifics for my computer (I'm doing photo editing on it) are a bit more complicated then they are used to (as in I know what I'm looking for) so Dell is delayed. They say first week of August, I am thinking probably closer to next week (they said delivery date of 28 July for the cases etc, I'm just assuming).

Didn't know it would take so long, but this is what I get for being picky.

So I started backing everything up last night. I'm keeping my stand alone in my office, but this means I can get rid of the desk in my living room, put a chair I've wanted to put in there and set it up all nice. On the quest to set up the house nicely.

Had a chat with my ex husband, who I refer to as this but isn't legally so yet. We've done everything required...except the actual divorce. He needs to get his birth certificate. One would think this is a simple request, but he's too damned lazy to do it. We've been separated for 8 years. Sigh. Anyway, he agreed to get the stupid thing, it's for his protection as well as mine, even though separated, we can still be held legally responsible for each other as well as each other's debts.

I'm never getting married again.

Anyway, I'm doing the paperwork with help from a friend of mine who has done it before, and we'll be done in 30 days seeing as it's completely uncontested. It'll cost me $270 or so to put the papers in. Sigh.

But that's good. Finally. He has his life, I have mine, it's been that way a long time. As a matter of fact we've been separated as long as we were together. Sad.

No internet still.


But I expected that. By 5 pm today. I was excited about the computer...but it's not coming in yet, so no need right? Ok it would be nice to be able to upload some of my photos that need uploading etc, but I guess I should just get myself prepared for the upcoming arrival by getting a mouse and a router.


I'm extremely irritated with a friend right now. M. is one of those girls that can't be alone, like, ever. Has in past had a tendency to try to find love through dating many, and sleeping with alot, quickly, in hopes someone would stick (not her words, those are mine, I don't think she totally realizes she's done it). In her words, she's better in a pair (meaning she can't manage life on her own, again that's my take on the situation). Bad divorce, ass hat ex that doesn't do what he's supposed to moneywise, has no money, decent job but hates it, 2 kids that are older. Just split up in May with a guy she dated for 8 months and up to last week was still sad and devasted by it. Definitely not ready to get out there again because she'll just cause collateral damage probably.

Now, my take on Not So Nice Guy is that he, like a great deal of online dating guys, is out there looking for something longterm, but when presented with someone that is actually interested, has no idea what to do and runs, meaning he's probably not ready to be dating, not dating material at the moment, in my estimation maybe shouldn't be? I mean I am not imagining the interest..but the minute he realized he wasn't the only interested party he booked.

So I kinda called him on it, nicely. He didn't respond, which is fine, I don't much care.

Friend M. gave me the heights of shit. Asking me why I did it out of anger (it wasn't anger, it was frustration about the charade he's putting on). Well my take on it is that I would like someone to say something if they think I'm doing something wrong out there....seriously, I'm considering talking to Date #1 seeing as there was nothing between us and asking him from his take how I was as a date (he already told me but maybe he was just being nice? - I was great, he had fun, but I look so much like a relative he can't handle it and therefore there was no nada for him, which like I said, is cool because I felt pretty much the same).

Anyhoo. Knowing what mental state I'm in, she feels the need to shove in my face that she's going on a date last night and won't be home at all.


So not only are there damaged dating men, there are damaged dating women out there, and I think I'm removing online profiles all of 'em (ok all 2) when I get my goddamned internet back.

Seriously. Not only is it the most impersonal way to meet a person (grocery store outlook, if the person doesn't have all the characteristics you're looking for then *kaboom* they're off the list). I know for myself, that if I meet someone in person and there are things I like about them, I am much more open to disregarding the less important bits that I require from a man (like the fact that I'd prefer a guy with no kids, but if I like him enough I can overlook that as long as his ex won't want to kill me down the line - the ex truthfully concerns me more than the kids).

So I'm thinking, being that I'm such an out there person, I am going to disregard societal pressure and forget the online thing. It may limit the people I meet (I meet mostly musicians, and generally I don't date those), but I don't care. I think I come off better in person then I do on a computer profile, the minute the men see I'm overweight they're gone like a shot (and I've got maybe 40 lbs to lose now...fuck off fer kerist's sake, like your chubb isn't apparent to the naked eye?)

Anyway got off the subject. M. I have to take a break from her. When she thinks she may end up in a relationship she gets preachy with me. I left my breakfast with another girlfriend the day he split up with her she was that upset, I've listened to her cry, I've hugged her while she bawled (that's big, I'm not a huggy person), I've consoled her for months.

And I get smug, self satisfied "I have a date, so I won't be home tonight at all".

Fuck off.


And I'll get to console you when this one doesn't work out in 6 months? Oh YAY me.


I love her to bits. But when it comes to men, we have such a differing philosophy. She gives it up to anyone that smiles her way, I give it up to no one, and I'm picky about men in general.

And she's the kind of girl that runs when a man calls. Even if she's out with you at the time. Personal pet peeve. I don't do that, the guy may join me and whoever I'm out with, but no way am I dropping my original plans. Ain't happening and I loathe women that do that.

And I'm officially rambling now and really should work, I have so damned much to do.

Have a lovely day all. I think? Oh man, it's nasty and grey out there.

Oh I have an old office crush by the way, I saw him again yesterday, on one of the other floors (another company), I keep trying to run into him in the elevator or the coffee shop, cute, geeky, and tall and no wedding ring (not that this means a thing here in Quebec). Sigh. How do you approach people? I have no idea, we just chat and smile and go on our merry way. I am told I seem unapproachable and disinterested. Hrm

Ok I'm off.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

cursed redux

Ok so went home at lunch to verify that the internet was back on as advised.


Call to India again (let's face it, their call center is in India, as much as they might deny it!) and get someone that finally figures out that oops someone sent my problem to the wrong department and it's actually as a result of the storm last Thursday night and the equipment for my DSL line needs to be replaced.

Lose it? Yeah, I lost it.

They assure me it's to be done by 5 pm tomorrow. I said no today, they said no tomorrow, I screamed more. Well, I don't scream, I just get nasty.

And to top it all off my new laptop showed up. And I so wanted to play with it. Piss. me. off!!!!!

Now I have to rearrange the living room. Oi.

That is all from me, for now, 3 posts in one day, unreal.

yeah well ok

So there's a new guy in the office and I think he's hot as all hell.

So maybe I'm not broken after all.

I am however several levels above him in job position and therefore it's a no no, so I now have to figure out how to get him fired ;-)


Ok....I am going to India and killing someone that works in the Sympatico call center. One more person tells me that my internet problems are related to not having a filter on my phone (which has been the case for 6 + years), I will scream.

Then I'm going to scream at the high speed people shortly too. What in hell? 4 days now. Actually this is day 5. I have things I need to do relating to my photography on the net, I should not be blogging from work, I should be doing from home, and yet I CAN'T!!!!

I emailed Not So Nice Guy last night and suggested that if he doesn't know what in hell he wants perhaps he shouldn't be dating, which insulted him, but I don't much care.

Truthfully, had it been anyone, I would be feeling like I am.

So back up go the walls, I've had it no more men. Enough. It's not worth it, I am in a better head space without them, and I will NOT be getting back on the horse any time soon. If ever. I sometimes feel like it's my lot in life to be alone, and so I'll just go with that.

I might be fabulous, wonderful, cute, funny, bla bla bla (or amazing as a male friend says) but apparently I scare men, intimidate them, and just am generally undesireable to anyone of the male species that *isn't* a friend.

So why bother?

Yep. At that place in my head right now. Each rejection takes a piece of me away, and makes me a blithering mess.

So maybe it's just better to avoid it altogether huh?

Monday, July 21, 2008

and so it changes

Yeah happy Friday?

No longer.



We were supposed to meet up yesterday, only to get a phone call saying "um well, I have family things and work to do, but (this is the best part) I'll KEEP YOU IN MIND FOR LATER THIS WEEK"

Ugh. Did I do a job interview in the past few days I'm not aware of?

What in HELL?

So I emailed him - called him on it.

Basically said "I'm interested, you were interested, what in hell? What was that 3 hour phone call that I couldn't get you off the phone about?"

"well I'm still feeling this whole thing out, I can't give you any promises if you're looking for something immediate"

What I read into that is "whoever fucks me first wins", however, it's probably also "you're not hot enough/thin/enough/and I'm someone that shouldn't be dating yet but like you and I don't know what the fuck I want".

Yea me.

Another one.

I give the hell up.

No more.

He hurt my feelings and made me cry.


Friday, July 18, 2008


"you have reached myself....

Unfortunately I was up til 3 am talking on the phone to the Nice Guy and am currently sitting with a stupid grin on my face, staring at a computer without the ability to string a sentence together due to lack of sleep as well as a sense of giddiness that is extremely unbecoming of a 39 year old.

Please leave a message if you want to deal with a happy person, otherwise I'll get back to you when I'm not quite so annoying"


Thursday, July 17, 2008

pardon me who are you talking to?


Could TD be right about the joo-joo? Where the HELL did this come from?

Could it actually be that someone *I* am interested in is actually interested in me?

The conversation was interesting. Asking me if I was interested in him at all (no, I call all men I go out on a date with willingly, specially when I don't like 'em at all....duuuhhhhhh).

He had to go due to a work phone call, but, erm, I think he'll call me back later.

He's just so polite. I'm gonna pass out, seriously, this is NOT what I'm used to at all.

Interesting little anecdote, we were supposed to go out for coffee the weekend before the HH returned. But something happened work wise and he couldn't. Maybe I needed to see how a butthead treated me to be amazed at how damned nice this guy is?

Dunno. But I'll go with it.

well it's a start?

Well, last night when I came home, I cut down the tree that was growing in my side bush.

Ok the tree that TOOK OVER my side bush. Along with vines. While vines look lovely growing up the side of my house, their little tentacles go into my brick, and eat at the grout, so technically, I shouldn't leave them.

However they are fully ensconced so now I have to leave them til they're dead.


And then I went to bed at 7:30, got up around 10, fiddled til 1, and now I'm up again and raring to go to work.


Ok not raring. I'm not even dressed yet and it's 8.

I am a lazy bitch.

I do think my sleep is messed up completely. Sleep wise, I think I may have had a flu-ish situation Monday & Tuesday.

And thankyouverymuch, I'd like to actually have an enjoyable weekend, as in not sleep it away.

So, I went to bed at 7:30.

The garbage is at the curb, and I did the recycling. What more can everyone ask from me huh?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

the weekend is *this* much closer!

Wishing my days away, not supposed to be doing that, I know.

Can I haz a few days off? That's all I want...need...require!

Coffee with the Nice Guy was had last night. Me likey. Nice guy, a little weird (sorta like me), we had fun, it was easy, opened doors for me (yes can pull your jaw up off the floor, I actually had no problem with it), paid for my coffee (tea actually) and gave me a kiss on the cheek at the end of the evening after walking me to my car to make sure I got away safe. Awww.

I get the distinct impression he's a bit insecure with women, but that's alright, doesn't bother me much, there are worse things to be. He's a nice guy, that's much more important. Insecure is fine, arrogant would piss me the hell off.

So. I enjoyed myself. Go figure. Attracted to him. Go figure again. And as usual, me and the geeky/dorky guys with glasses. Except he's a runner, so I'm sure that under that clothing is a solid dude with a nice bod. Rowr....too bad I can't offer the same...yet, getting there....slowly, but I am now able to get shirts in normal stores, XXL or XL, but regardless. Bottom half? Erm. Big ass, big thighs, size 14 in the plus stores, no choice!

Made a comment when I got out of my car though "OH MY GOD YOU'RE 6 FEET TALL!" Nope. Heels. I'm 5'11" in 3 inch heels, while 5'8" isn't waaayyyy over female average height, it is tall for a woman. As TD calls me, amazon. Oh well.

Anyhow. Here's hoping we do it again.

Otherwise not much going on around here in my land....have a disasterous house, so that needs cleaning, laundry piled high, and I'm being the lazy bitch that I am. Or rather, going for dinner with friends and out on coffee dates instead of doing the things I need to.

I hate cleaning,loathe etc, and I have to get it in gear, if I just do the big stuff now and try to maintain it won't be so bad. Maintaining is my issue, I can't manage and I can't explain why.

Ok. Back to work.

Dangerous goods. Me or the stuff we're trying to ship?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


I have a severe case of summeritis.

Sometimes also referred to as the I-can't-want-to's.

As in, I'm at work why? Can't I have the summer off like the school kids? I can't? Why? I don't understand, I need it!

I would like to announce that I sold photos to the independent record company (and by sold I mean bartered for cds) and the photos are now up on their site, with my name in lights. I am proud. So much fun. Lining up my next victims as we speak. Very exciting.

If nothing else, it allows me my creativity, which I really need.

Now I'm considering either upgrading my freestanding computer or investing in a new laptop. My computer is objecting to the load that Photoshop puts on it, I'm using it alot now, and it's way slow. Too slow for the volume.

Dunno which way to go, am trying to be sensible about all of this. Perhaps new guts and a new screen, 22 inches, make life easier for editing? Hrm.

Food for thought.

I also need to hire someone to take care of my yard. What a mess. A complete disaster, I've allowed everything to overgrow and it's taking over the world. Or at least my house. I have nothing under control in this respect dammit.

So date #1 is not interested, I remind him of his cousin, I'm apparently the spitting image. That's fine, because my interest wasn't there either... The Nice Guy thought I wasn't interested in meeting him...(geez what about an hour long phone call 3 x a week doesn't mean I'm interested) because when he suggested a time I was already busy. Just happened to be a busy week/weekend last week. So I told him that I want to meet him, but that he has to sort of book me in advance, and I know that his job precludes being able to make early plans...but that I'm pretty free this week (hint hint). Think he worked late last night, so hoping to hear from him...I really enjoy talking to him, let's hope I don't have that horrific situation of meeting him and NOT liking him in person or vice versa. Oh well. I'll see. Will keep you up to date on that situation.

Now he has me wondering if I give off an air of disinterest. Geeez, I'm a tough cookie to break. Even for myself :-(

Ok, guess working is a good idea? They pay me for this....apparently...oh JOY! Ah I like my job, don't get me wrong on that...I just think that every 10 years we should be awarded with an entire summer off. It would do the body good.

And on that note....back to it!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

dating 101

So date #1 is now under my belt.

Technically speaking this is my first date in a year and a half. HH doesn't count, that was nothing official it turns out.

Nice guy. Don't think there were sparks of which to speak, but I don't take a shine super quick to most men, I have to meet them a few times to get a feeling. Not sure about him, but I got a hug at the end of the date.

Other guy I heard from last night. Work schedule because of what he does for a living, which I totally get, it interferes. I can work with that. Not a problem, god knows my job has gotten in the way many times. Who am I to object to the same in another person?

There is something I definitely know I like about this guy, maybe because he's a bit older than me (which is rare for me, I am not usually interested in men older than me), but has a very young attitude (except for last night, invited him to come join me at my girlfriend's gig, but he was exhausted from his day). I think he's cute too even if that completely amazes him.

Sigh. Back on the horse. Not sure what snapped in me, but something did and I decided I may as well. I hate it, but I'm finding I don't hate it quite as badly as I used to. Maybe I just wasn't in the right place before. I know I've done alot of changing in the past while, changing for the good, I'm more friendly, more outgoing, so I guess this is part of it.

Anyhoo. That and 4 pairs of shoes and a bunch of books at Chapters (got out of there for $19.89) is my weekend in a nutshell.

Really, must I go to work tomorrow? I have way too much to do here, things I never did do.

I also need dinner, and haven't made anything. Bad bad bad.

Friday, July 11, 2008

and so they crawl out of the woodwork

So....get rid of one, and they will come.

So I told you yesterday about the guy I emailed on the dating site...well we're doing coffee on Sunday afternoon. Yey!

On top of it there's this guy (Nice Guy) I've been corresponding with on and off, and we talked for almost an hour on the phone yesterday, then he called last I guess we're going to meet soon. He's funny...had me almost crying in laughter...

So. The HH is gone....hiding with tail between legs, and all of a sudden look who's the popular girl?

Geez. Frightening.

Not that anything will work out, but at least I'm actually accepting date requests? It's a good thing. It's a big deal for me actually, because I'm so dating-phobic. Or have been.

See, last boyfriend I had turned out to be a liar and crack-head. Not sure I mentioned it before. Liar because he kept it from me til his life started to fall apart. I should have known, my former brother in law was a coke addict (recovering now) and I knew all the signs, in fact I used to tell my ex husband when his brother was using and when he wasn't.

All of this to say....what a mess. So this is where my trust issues come in.

So. Let's hope no one turns out to be a crazy stalking loon, drug addict etc etc etc!

Yeah I know. I'm just sooooooooooooo positive!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

early mornings and I are NOT buds!

Ugh. Had to take the little beastie on 4 wheels in to the dealership to get it's 6 month thingie done (at 9 months), appointment at 7 bloody am! Yucko. Luckily it's close to home and a 10 minute drive in the morning, but with doggies etc this still meant getting up at 6 am.

6 am sucks! I am just sayin'!

I was at work waayyy early, I'm sure a few people passed out (I'd rather work over my lunch and take work home with me then kill myself to be in on time in the morning - so I'm almost never on time).

I am without car. Stuck in St Laurent without car. If you knew where I work, you would understand the stress this puts me under. It would take me 3 buses to get here from home if that's the way I did it. Three. And the drive without traffic is about 10 minutes. Yeah. Oh yeah 3 buses and an hour and a half to 2 hours transit EACH DIRECTION.

They wonder why those of us that live/work in the 'burbs don't take the bus. That's because I don't want to waste 4 hours of my day, thankyouverymuchcityhallthatcan'tmanagemoneyworthSHIT!

But I digress.

So, the record company (the indie label), "purchased" photos from me. By purchased I mean I bartered for cds, they're a small canadian label, and I want cds which are 15-20 bucks a pop, so they get one use of my photos and I get a pack of cds in the mail.

WOOT! First photo sale! I am proud of me!

MANY MANY thanks to Surfergrrl for her information which I hope to find is invaluable....if not, the thought and effort were there, and I mucho appreciate it!

So I sit here today on pins and needles hoping for my first big contract since coming to this company to come through. Looks good, today is the final decision. Please crossing your fingers, professionally I need this. I also got us another smaller contract and that is a good thing also.

Things are looking up.

Not to mention I look mega cute today. I really do. I love this skirt I bought last year, it's too big for me now probably but I don't really care, I wear it still, and it still looks good.

See, me, redhead, so I wear alot of brown and khaki green, and this skirt is white, lime green, khaki green and green/turquoise blue, and flouncy and feminine and I look freakin hot in it.

Thank you. I look hot.

On the subject of hot, I did something yesterday I do rarely, I wrote someone on an online dating site. Now, I belong to 2 of them, and never use them, one that is paid for the other is free. This was on the free site, saw the guy's photo and thought he was awfully cute (tall, geeky looking with glasses, oh my!) Oh and he doesn't want kids, this is mucho importante for me, I have fertility issues to begin with anyway, and I just don't want that hassle of someone that must procreate, not to mention I've never really wanted kids and think this world we live in isn't one I want to bring any into. Don't get me wrong, if you feel you must, that's your deal and I'll love your little babies til they're 2 and then I want to give them away, to return at about ermmmm.....7 or so. I hate toddlerhood!

So anyway. He wrote me back and seems interested in meeting. Which is great. Funny dude. I like funny. Just hope he's not a carbon copy of my ex husband, that would NOT be so great!

Today would be good. Me so hot and all. Except it's sushi nite with the girls. Yey!

And on that car is ready, off I go to get it. I love parting with my money :-O My back door wasn't opening...well that would be because my child lock was deployed. Don't ask me how to turn that one on and off let me tell you....

Wednesday, July 9, 2008


So I'm an evil little witch, sitting at home with a big grin on my face yesterday.

Do I enjoy slapping down others?


In this case do I give a flying f*ck?


You know, he's so angry because I caught him lying. It amuses me so. And you know what? I guarantee you when this one cools off, he'll turn up again like a bad penny.
Because his long distance love is...well, just that. Long distance.

Liars. Yeah not so much. Right up there with cheaters.

There's a line from a song I enjoy greatly, and it goes something like this "Maybe I'm naive, but I'm not f*cking stupid".

Great line.

And exactly what I'd love to say to his face, but I'm not going to have that chance!

So onto other things. Not like I'm bored in life at all, god, sleep is a commodity that I'm seriously lacking in. Not to mention, back to the gym, I've been a bad girl and haven't gone in a few weeks, however in my defense, this heat/humidity isn't helping at all. I don't even want to move, and breathing is an option. Add to that this lovely sinus infection (who gets colds/sinus infections in the DEAD OF SUMMER?), and well, I'm not in the mood to go to the gym. Luckily as well, I'm in no mood to eat, so I guess it works out huh?

Ok. I need to eat something (yeah I know I have no appetite but I force myself) and if I don't get coffee into me I'm going to pass out face down on my computer.

My girlfriend is convinced I'm going to meet someone through my photography. I guess we'll see. I've already got my next victims in my site for August 1st....Joshua Radin and his 2 opening acts (one of whom is Vanessa Carlton). Working on that one. Would love to photograph the Osheaga Festival(or whatever it's called) with Jack Johnson, but I doubt that sucker is happening any time soon, getting into the festival will be hard enough, but Jack Johnson is probably one of the main targets of most photographers. I'll see what I can do...I think a fellow blogger is a Jack fan....but I'm pulling a blank (Surfergrrrl?). Perhaps she has an in ;-)

On that note...I am going to go downstairs and get coffee....glorious coffee!!

Tuesday, July 8, 2008


I'm nosey, rude and bored with my life apparently.



That's why I haven't cleaned my house in eons. Don't get enough sleep. Etc etc etc.

But yeah. I'm bored with my life because I figured out some of his lies.

Woo hoo!

well I did it

I confronted the HH with everything. Not all of it, not the other person, but I confronted with things that weren't adding up.

Yep. He'd omitted things. He now thinks I'm nuts, claims to never have been interested (men, that's another subject all together, but is it me or are alot of them not self aware enough to realize the crap they do?).

Sorry, but with him in the past, and my past with my ex boyfriend, trust is something I don't have much of, especially since he and I were strangers to start with.

As for he and I, there is none, and that's that, and I'm fine with it. Hey after the confrontation situation I may never see him again.

So back to the drawing board. Except, there is no drawing board for me. I now go back to my disinterested non-dating self.

Have I mentioned I'm sick of being single? Not unhappy about it, but damned tired of it.

Sigh. Better get used to it, think it's gonna be a long long time before anything ever happens for me.

Monday, July 7, 2008

blog gremlins!

So I had written a post about my concert experience seeing Aretha Franklin. I cried. Nuff said. My friend S and I have what we refer to as the "Bucket List" of performers we both want to see before *they* die....cuz we're pretty young still and alot of them aren't. Aretha was on mine. I was enthralled to see her. She hasn't lost any of her range, she was absolutely amazing. Amazing. I cried. Me.

Anyhoodles. I was off this weekend to the Ottawa Blues Festival, where I photographed artists from the indie label Six Shooter Records. I love these guys. I missed the first artist, Christine Fellows, unfortunately, because the guy with the photo passes was late, but that's ok, this well made up for it.

Had a blast...albeit a hot one, it was 31 in Ottawa Saturday, and the stage is black, the amps are black, well, when standing in the photo pit, it's pretty damned nasty let me tell you.

Oh I'm also an idiot. Forgot my ear plugs. There was one artist, Elliott Brood, I was leaning over the amp, it was BLOWING air, just pumping it, I was frigging deaf.

Met some fabulous people...photographers, people there to see the artists, it was a great day all around.

So here's some photos. I've gotten through maybe 1/3 of everything I took, so far these are some favorites.

This is Luke Doucet - fabulous guitarist, teensy little guy, tiny, but his music is interesting, can't really pigeonhole it, his lyrics intelligent, I think it was him I enjoyed most (seen him in Montreal already, first foray into using my new camera back in March). Plays a Gretsch White Falcon...guitar is bigger then he is.

And this here is Melissa McClelland, wife of Luke Doucet, who plays guitar and sings backup in his band, although she is an artist signed to Six Shooter as well. She's beautiful, easy to photograph because she never looks bad, and all over a nice woman who plays a guitar NOT like a chick! (I have a photo of her smiling right at me). One of those gorgeous women that you just can't dislike because she's really a nice nice person, at the show in Montreal she kept me from going into the men's room. Oops. Grotty venue, I think her to this day.

This here is Justin Rutledge, nominated for a Juno this year (didn't win), man of the beautiful blue eyes (I realized this when I was crouched down on the ground under him, looking thru my viewfinder....stray thought "OMG those are the most gorgeous blue eyes!!!") He's cute in my opinon, but again pretty wee (although not as teensy as Luke). Beautiful, haunting voice. Alternative country I'd say, if you need to know what kind of music he plays.

And this here is the lead singer of NQ Arbuckle, a sort of twangy alt-country/rockabilly band, his name is Neville Quinlan. Redhead. I can't argue with redheads, although he went out with a ciggie in his mouth. I realized after photographing him that just about everyone had blue eyes...strange....

There are others, but you have to wait, I'm trying to get them all done tonight so I can send the link to the record company.....the finale as well, was fabulous....Martin Tielli played, he used to be in a band called the Rheostatics, which were known across Canada back in the day (if you like that sort of thing).

Anyhoo, I had so much fun. I need to do this again, I now have the photography bug. Big time!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

and it's a new day


Great news! It's my friend Computer Geek's birthday this weekend and he's in town so he suggested we do breakfast. Well yay!

See CG works in the US most of the time, lives here, but works down there for a few weeks at a time. He's driving up right now. Nutcase.

So I had a coffee date last night and HH was quite interested to hear that I had gone on one. It wasn't good, but that's besides the point. No dude, I'm not sitting around waiting for you to straighten out your shit. And he knows about CG.

See, CG I would date in a heartbeat. We met when I was married, I think I was 27 and he was 21. A very mature 21, almost had a heart attack when I heard what a kid he was. And we got along like crazy from day one. When my marriage was ending, he had a crush on me and vice versa, but shitty timing... not sure if that is still the case for either of us, but we get along and have fun together (as in my F1 buddy), so I'm not gonna complain.

And I made sure HH knows all about the history. Yeah suffer like I suffered when I read what I did.

So it's shaping into a very interesting weekend so far. Very exciting. Even if I don't get press passes for the Ottawa Blues Fest, I have things to do here. No complaints (CG told me not to go to Ottawa, he's more fun....let's hear an awwwww.....).

Tired today, this cold is kicking the crap out of me, not to mention I can't sleep. Have a test at the hospital this afternoon so I'll sleep while I wait (and hopefully not miss it when they call my name!).

And then tonight, Aretha!

Yep. Good weekend starting tonight.

Back to work seeing as I'm leaving at 1:45!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008


For a second I thought to myself that I'd like to do the Dove chocolate tasting that Technodoll and prin are enjoying.

Then I thought of the migraines.

Ok no maybe not. Considering it's sunny out and I have a migraine. Go figure.

Working hard today. My company has these STUPID forms from hell, all these acronyms that stand for something that's supposed to make sense and I have to fill out a 10 pages of tiny type...ARGHHH.

However got a lucky added bonus from a supplier....a ticket to see Aretha Franklin!!! Woooo hoooooo!!!! She is like, one of my absolute favorite artists, I can't even explain my current feeling of woot! Sadly, no photographs at Place des Arts! Booooo!

Things with the HH....hrmmmmmm.........was seen in person twice this past weekend, very email attentive, however....don't think as much as he likes me he's at that place. Maybe I'm wrong. To quote the dudes from BTO - "let it ride". And so I will.

Having some trouble with a girlfriend. Dunno why she's been so snotty with me recently, except that her ex is still weighing on her and I'm pretty sure causing her some heartache and insecurity. Except there is no need to take that out on me. Not at all. I've been nothing except nice and supportive, and she accused me of not wanting her to go somewhere with me, out of the blue.

Let's get something straight. I am not the type of woman to sit and plot evilly. I am sort of like a guy, I go thru life taking things as they are, face value, I don't sit and think of ways to hurt other people or make their lives difficult. It didn't even occur to me to keep her from going to this event, in fact, she never answered me if she wanted a lift there or not. The fault is hers. The apology will have to be hers too. I blew yesterday at her. I knew she would react about it, but I told her I won't discuss it until she's calmed down. Period. I'm walking away until she can discuss something rationally. Which, at this time I don't think she's capable of.

Accusing me. ME????? I give my friends the shirt off my goddamned back. I don't plot against them.


And people wonder why I sometimes prefer men to women for friends. THIS IS WHY!

Anyway. Back to work. And that form from hell. And the acronyms from hell. GAH!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Happy Canada Day

I am staying in today...however, happy happy to you all (ok that's a lie, I'm doing breakfast, that's it!)