Wednesday, September 30, 2009


No one home over here.

I don't have the mental energy to write anything right now, things are so messed up it's unreal, work-wise etc etc etc....I just can't get it together enough....

Back soon.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

still no light

Still half sick. Can't eat, nothing is staying put. I just read that the only flu we have currently in Canada is the H1N1, and I'm afraid that's what I have/had, except the whole cold aspect isn't part of it according to my sis the nurse, so maybe not. However I could really do without the nighttime hot flashes (read, fever). I am so not going to be pleasant when I go thru menopause, 1 order of hormones, STAT!

So, due to having next to no energy at all when I get home from work, I haven't done alot. No thinking no organizing none of those lists I either lose or ignore.

Sigh. I don't want to be doing everything last minute, but I know me, and I can see that happening.

Shoot me.

The Brit is behaving. Somewhat. It takes losing it a bit in order for that to happen, not sure what that's about. We're fine in person, we're fine on the phone, he communicates perfectly. As for email, OMG I would have hired a hit by now if that was the only way we managed to communicate.

Turns out that his email server was sending his responses back to him. He even sent the returns to me. However, he's a smart man, he could try texting me as such?

I will never understand men. Seriously.

Then there's money. Ye olde cashola. I need to be making some of that but quick. Posthaste. I need alot of it. To pay for my divorce, my visa, my trip back in December, my bills here, and eventually my move.

How many hours a day can I work, without Revcan & RevQc finding out? ahahahahahahah

I wear stress well generally, but when things feel somewhat insurmountable, I get a bit panicky.

Sigh. Getting there?

Saturday, September 19, 2009


So. Been back a week tomorrow night. I'm not going to lie and say it's been a happy week, because it hasn't. It's been fraught with illness, distaste at being back in this hellhole we call a province with it's rude bastard people (my drive to work on Monday was easily one of the worst I've ever had, probably mostly due to my lack of a decent mood at the idiocy that awaited me around each fucking corner).

Seriously. We're rude here. We have no clue how to be polite? Not to insult anyone, but seriously, is it the french influence that makes this a city full of selfish bastards?

I have no idea.

Then, 2 days in I get sick as hell. This cold that is going around the office nailed me but quick, and 5 days later death sounds like a much better alternative then coughing up green crap and not sleeping.

I actually took a day and half off work. Shocking.

So, I'm starting to sort of freak out at the prospect of moving. I have no certain dates until November/December, I am not certain I get the job over there with my company, although I think I have as good, if not better a chance as anyone, and I don't even have an idea of the salary or what position might be open to me.

I'm looking at this house wondering what I take with me, hell, what I can afford to take with me, and what I don't. Luckily, 80% of rentals in the UK are furnished, so with exception of maybe a few items, I don't need any furniture, however, I have alot of family antiques etc, that I would like to keep. Do I ship them over, or do I put them in storage (which is pricey) and then arrange for them to be shipped down the line?

Decisions decisions.

I mean, do I take my cd & dvd collection with me? Yes, I think I do, dvds, I need to get a multiple country machine or take the one I have with me, and that's fine, I can do that without much effort, or do I just sell up. I have a whole bunch I watch over and over that are either Canadian or not easily found, not keen on getting rid.

Pets. It will be fucking expensive to take them with me. Which I still plan to do. However, yikes.

Oh and I still need to get that visa. Although I do have most of it take care of, except, of course the $400 fee associated to it.

And then I have to drive to Ottawa to be fingerprinted, however I can do that along with a sales call to clients up there. Which will net me about $300 in mileage fees which is pretty nice.

Bunnies. I still am not sure what to do.

Cats. Well. I have one less. One of mine dropped dead the morning I was leaving for the UK. Poor girl. I was vacuuming upstairs and she ran down to the main floor and must have just had an aneurysm. I was quite distressed, still am....eyes wide open and everything....and the feeling of guilt (I always feel guilty).

God forbid my pets should either die gently or not have to be put to sleep by me. God forbid.

And the Brit is being distant. Considering last week, that's kid of shocking to my system. I am certain it's work, like I think I said before, we had quite the chat, I know his situation, I know why he needs to work so much, and that he's exhausted, but geezus. Answer a fucking email. How hard is that? Initiate a text message. It certainly wasn't due to a disinterest in me. Or it bloody well better not be.

Not that it makes a difference about my plans.

I'm not sure where to start. I know where to go on the other end, but I'm terrified about where to start from here, and how to get things organized as well as what sort of lead time I'm going to have to do it in.


And so. I'm overwhelmed. Hopefully when I'm less ill it'll be a bit easier and less confusing, but then again, maybe it won't be.....

God help me, what am I doing?

Thursday, September 17, 2009

ahm sick


Back in town a grand total of 4 days and I'm sick as a dog.

My sister says not to blame my co-workers, but it's them, it's their fault, those fuckers and their little kids with illnesses, and they come to work or worse bring the little infected brats and voila.

No one I encountered in London was sick.


I'm bitchy.

So I came home today at noon intending to sleep, except the road work is shaking the house and making such a racket that I slept but fitfully. A work conference call, mandatory, dragged forever, I just put my cell on speakerphone. Bugger off I'm sick.

So I sat here watching British films all afternoon, crying my eyes out, wishing I was back there, wishing I could see the Brit again, he's working flat out tonight, have heard via text here and there....but, I regret not having seen him more, and well, as a result of last week I regret a huge part of my life.

Which I know I shouldn't do but, it's there, in my brain.

Why didn't I, why don't I, oh the what ifs.

On that note, my snotty nose and I need to get the dogs outdoors. Don't think we can walk on the road yet, at least not little doggie feet.....they're still roaring back and forth on the big roller doohickeys, which have hot rollers if I'm correct (and therefore curly hair ------ oh the sick chick humor...)

Ugh. "Three Weddings & a Funeral" is almost done. I need to roll over and get walking. Icky.

Monday, September 14, 2009


I'm back.

And I really don't want to be.

Went into work yesterday, seemed like a fantastic idea when I woke up at 4 am, save a day of vacation for later this year when I go back to the UK, probably fly out Xmas eve....arrive there on Xmas day...depending....(nothing makes me feel more alone then Xmas and New Year, so I may as well travel and give myself the opportunity of my first New Years kiss in.....way longer then I'd like to discuss, seeing as it's measured in years, almost double digits....)

Almost didn't make it thru.

Have many photos, haven't had time to post them or upload them, either too tired, or at this point, there's too many files on my hard drive and I need to get rid in order to upload my photos. Yey.

Things went well over there, only saw the Brit one time though, it was a good time, but, his work schedule is somewhat ridiculous. We laid around on my bed at the hotel and talked for hours. I know why he works so much, finances were a huge part of the discussion, he laid it all out, and I was a weepy, teary mess the two times we tried to get together after and his work interfered. Hard when you have a scenario in your head and real life gets in the fucking way.

I will be seeing realtors and staying out in the area I'd like to live in next time, suggestion of my friend S who lives in London (friend from Kindergarten) who is incredibly supportive of my choice to move over there, but says it's purely selfish as she doesn't know many people outside of work, ha! She and her fiance recently emigrated from South Africa, she's lived there before, they both like London, so, here's hoping all goes well in my case.

Work wise, I have to go back in December and meet the manager over there to see what is up, if he likes me, and if the salary/position are what I'm looking for.

My father is being much more supportive after I told him nothing will happen before the new year, he likes that I have much more time to do what I need to now, like my divorce, get the visa, finances....

That's it in a nutshell.....I'm still too tired to think completely straight, and still too disappointed at not being able to see the Brit, although he's keeping in touch, he's a texting fiend....even during work when he's not supposed to....sweet :)

Saturday, September 12, 2009



I go home tomorrow. And am not thrilled about it in any way.

It's been all in all a good week. Found out my info, spent time with a special someone, but not enough, and don't ever want to leave.

The end.

Friday, September 4, 2009



This post is being brought to you by the raving lunatic that is ME!

I am in my last hour of work for 11 days..(oh my, what a treat!) and I can't concentrate so, as you can see, I'm blogging! ahhahahaa

So I fly out tomorrow (looks very good so I'm no longer panicking about that) and then I get to London at 7:30 am, about an hour to two for customs formalities as we Canadians no longer get to go in the "Commonwealth Countries" customs line like we used to pre-European Community, now we're lumped in with the country down south, and every North American airplane lands at the same freaking time!

Then my hotel, while lovely, I can't check in until 2 pm unfortunately (I'm hoping they will prove to be empty the night before and I'll be able to get into my room early). ACtually, it's a North American chain hotel, but it was cheap and flexible, so no complaints here. I'm going to see if the concierge will keep my bags for me, then I'll grab the camera and off I will go....downtown? Windsor? Kew Gardens (which in all the times I've been there I've never seen?), or maybe go to Soho and wander about a bit and get lunch?

Man I love travelling, it's been so damned long, I'm so damned EXCITED!

And then, Monday night, I meet up with the Brit. WOW. 15 years. This will be interesting (and yes TD, lingerie is packed! bahahahaha!). I really can't wait!

And then the rest of the week is open, and I'm happy about that, so no complaints from me at ALL!

My friend who lives over there is away in Vegas until Tuesday, so I'll see her at some point after that.....


Wish me bon voyage!!!!! And I'll try to write, I promise!