Tuesday, December 2, 2008

warning #2: blues still haven't gone yet

I've been mulling this over all day.

HF came up behind me in the stairwell this morning (yes, I am purposely irritating the bad leg with stairs....call me stupid if you must, but, I'm craving exercise). He told me I smelled good and looked so nice in the color I'm wearing.

While it's nice for a friend to do that, it doesn't quite have the same impact.

Same thing with the cake he brought me. Last week, it was wonderous, stupendous and fabulous.

Now it's just something nice that a friend like my female friends would do.

It's lost it's sparkliness. Lost the charm. He's still a wonderful person. But not my possibly special wonderful person anymore. Just my good friend.


Back to the thing that pays the bills :S


Technodoll said...

First, blogging can be cathartic. If people come here for entertainment rather than live real moments with the real you, that's their problem and they can fuck off.

Now, secondly, your feelings of letdown are perfectly normal.

They suck stupendously, but they are normal. You had so much hope and so many dreams built up the past few months and now, bam - it has all been taken away from you in one fell swoop.

Please try to be kind to yourself... go easy. You need to mourn. You need to cry. You need to know that your friends will be there for you, with you, through this.

OK? (( hugs ))

myself said...

Actually for the most part my friends aren't there. I haven't told anyone. Part embarassment, part I was asked to not say anything.

So except for a few people, I'm sort of suffering in silence here.

And it sucks.

myself said...

and seriously. NOW I officially have lost all faith or hope that there will ever be someone out there for me.

Surfergrrl said...

please don't lose faith in that. it's just a funk you're going through, and this time of the year is the worst for that. know that you're NOT alone in that feeling. keep posting here, we're right here with you!

Technodoll said...

I guess I could marry you... LOL!