Saturday, January 29, 2011

status quo

Still busy

Still photographing

Still lonely as hell (aka still single)

Still working

That's about it. Write more when I have the energy.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


Warning. There will be swearing below.

Motherfuckinggod I have a hell of a lot of editing to do & 2 interviews to transcribe and then write about.

Not to mention, I started my new job on Monday.

One of my former employees jumped up & down when she discovered I would be her new boss, the other one's mood has vastly improved apparently. And the people I don't know seem really pleased. It's a really good thing :)

But the mess left by the guy they canned on Monday is something else, and I'm very overwhelmed by what's going on. But it's ok, I'll figure it all out, I know I will! The employees in general will keep me going, their smiles say it all, because there were none before!


So in the past 5 days I've interviewed 2 bands & photographed 8. Done editing for 2, working on editing for 3, editing for others "manana baby".

I am insane.

But then that's it until Brad Paisley. Please keep your fingies crossed that Brad's people are progressive enough to allow web photographers. Puhleeeze, I want this so bad I can frigging taste it. I'm a total country music bumpkin, and Brad Paisley is king of my country world. Shooting him would be phenomenal.

Back to editing. I love you all, but trying to write comments...well they come out dumb. And then I feel dumb. And well....when I'm less tired k?

PS - I totally finished the house and the locks are changed and that's done. Took me til 2 am Monday night and I had 4 hours sleep before my 2nd day at the new job, but it's done. New life, feel free to begin now.

PPS - the guy checks in with me daily, haven't seen him again yet, but shortly he tells me. He should stop working so much!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

updates & crap

So yeah, the date - I've heard from him here and there, I thought my schedule was horrid, this dude's is worse (he said to me "told you" - I really didn't think anyone had a busier schedule than me - just ask Techno. He does. And well, 2 weekends in a row working. As well as working til 10 at night. We may never actually see each other again! But he has made it a point to get in touch with me, so that was *my* point.


I start back to work on Monday.

Why don't I tell you all the bullshit that went down?

Way back early summer, I had made a complaint at work. See, our director in my office (my boss, take note, was in Toronto, not Montreal) was having a wham bam thank you ma'am affair with the young HR person in our office.

Let me think for a sec. Director + HR = total huge monstrous conflict of interest. Info she has should not get to him & vice versa.

Now this affair has been going on for a while, but it had been stepped up to the point that the mid 50s director was behaving like a 14 year old high school boy with his first crush. It was ridiculous.

The entire office was talking about it, manager meetings were a HR person-palooza, she was the only one he spoke to, referred to, it wasn't only me that noticed.

But I was the only one with enough balls to complain.

So I did.

Nothing happened. Her boss came and told me that there's always talk when 2 people of the opposite sex are friends.


Note they go for lunch daily, they take multiple smoke breaks a day, he will actually leave a work related discussion because she texts him it's time, or she'll stand at his door with a "why aren't you ready" look on her face when having a discussion. If she was off, he managed to *cough**cough* be sick (and then I'd see him driving on the 40 in the direction of her home, considering his was in the complete opposite). I caught them in the parking garage in the basement as had others, sitting in his car in the parking lot, they were seen on weekends, if he wasn't able to be found, he was in her office or smoking with her.

Ridiculous behavior, and frankly, he was also not doing his job, getting nothing accomplished at all and getting angry when he wasn't kept in the loop about projects etc.

Note that nothing happened. They weren't even spoken to.

Another note, this is a huge American company that is run by it's legal department. Hrmmmm.

Fast- forward to July when a person with the same title as myself was hired in the Toronto office, the director & I were to have to work closely together - I was now only Eastern Canada not the whole of Canada. I informed my boss nothing had changed and unless something did, this would be impossible.

Yeah well. He had to make yet another complaint, and the shit hit the fan. Because MY BOSS told the director that it was me. So he knew, and the HR witch knew.

Nice one.

So I was being harassed by the director. Verbally, ignored, oh it wasn't pretty. I ended up being admitted to hospital for excessive blood pressure, and told to change jobs. Yeah Mr Doctor. Note I'm on blood pressure meds because I have issues due to heredity. Next day my own doctor who said the same about the job and gave me Ativan.

I had to take Ativan to go into that job.

HR Director showed with my boss one day, to discuss the harrassment (FINALLY! they were doing *something*) made things bearable with the director, but obviously my boss was biased (he's know the director for 35 years and is a friend) and they didn't believe me. Until another manager had a chat with the HR director and told her everything I said was true. And that it was stressful working under these circumstances.

But all of this "investigation" aside, I thought that they were going to try to get rid of me, it would take some time, but they'd manufacture something. I don't believe that legal ever heard of any of these complaints, from the affair to the harassment, I think it was all covered up nationally (legal is in the US).

Naturally, I could care less at this point about the job. But I will always do what I have to, but I had one eye on the jobs lists and another on what was happening around me.

Then it happened, the HR bitch found something she could pretend was a problem, manufacture a complaint concerning myself and another manager. The other manager had NOTHING to do with it, he told all the other managers this, and that it was retribution for the whole affair complaint. When they first interviewed me for it, I knew, I packed everything in my office up that was mine save for my tea & mugs etc, got it all home, and waited.

Meanwhile, I had contacted my former employer, I knew they were having issues in the office I used to work in, they had wanted me to be branch manager, but I had been at the other company too short a time at that point, so I had said no. I offered to go fill that position if they were looking to replace the current person. I was fairly certain they were going to take me up on it. Actually very confident (and they did).

So one day, I was asked to the HR bitch's office, and there were my boss and the HR director to get rid of me "legal decision" they said (more like they were afraid of me suing them) - I laughed in their faces told them they better have made it worth it. They did. Because you can get rid of anyone at any time as long as the price is right (yey Canada).

If I didn't already have the other job, I would have sued their asses off and made about 18 months of salary according to my lawyer, but I'm afraid with a job at a higher salary etc, it wasn't worth it.

Honestly, with the move etc, they did me a huge favor. I've had over a month and a half off, it's been wonderful, I'm relaxed, and I'm looking forward to going back to the other company, because I had just been told by some of my former employees how much they missed me, and for a company that never rehires someone that has left voluntarily, they hired me back first chance.

I am most disappointed in the employer who touts themselves as one of the best businesses to work for in Canada & the USA, but that burns their management out, screws their employees out of decent wages, and gets rid of anyone that might not agree with everything that's done, but hides it all from their legal department. Guaranteed, HR USA & legal don't know the half of it. I left there with 85 hours of time owed to me, that I had worked in overtime for them.

But I'm very pleased to be going back to work for this other company. I'll be treated with respect, the home country's entire culture is based on respect and they never treated me with anything but. Which is more than I ever got from that "wonderful" American company.

Monday, January 10, 2011


So I had the date.

He's adorable. Very cute. And seemingly liked me. I liked him. Very much. We talked for hours, under the guise of "watching a movie" - which I'll have to re-watch because we talked through the whole thing.

Is he a player, just floating around and dating anyone/anything? Could be. What's going to come of this? I have no clue.

Sigh. I have no idea anymore. I am so bad at this. And I freak when I don't get contacted back and I second guess myself constantly. I hate it I hate it I hate it.

Friday, January 7, 2011


I have a date tonight. And I'm excited about it.

I'll leave a pause for effect. Because I'm never excited about it.

And that's all this girl is saying at this point!

Monday, January 3, 2011

house hell

I'm almost finished the house cleanage.

Yes. Applaud. I deserve it.

Although I really don't hate him, as I throw things out, I curse my ex husband, and dislike him just a little bit more each and every time I have to haul a garbage bag full of his shit to the curb. The things I've thrown away. I feel bad, but I no longer have time or patience to not just pitch it all.

As soon as it's done, I can really rest.

And I can't wait.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

it is what it is

Went to my comedy show last night with my friend. We had a great time, many laughs, best New Year I've spent in a long time.

Problem is.

I woke up this morning, still alone in bed except for a cat and a dog, still unhappy with my location, with a migraine, still feeling like the failure I sometimes feel like.

The flip of a page on a calendar does nothing to assuage the damage the past year has done to my psyche.

It's still there, I'm still surrounded by people but lonely in a way that hurts me to the very core, still missing my grannie and dreading the anniversary of her death, still moving out of that house.

Sometimes I don't feel like I remotely move forward. And I guess I don't.