Monday, June 30, 2008

day 2 of boredom

I am feeling very unmotivated. Which isn't good for someone in my position, is it?

However I just read something about this being a most unproductive day for most Canadians, as tomorrow is Canada Day....a holiday in the middle of the week (sorta..) AGAIN!

Grrrrrr. There's like 10 people on the island of Montreal working, and I'm one of them.

Okay exaggeration, however....the roads were EMPTY this morning. Seriously, took me 5 minutes to get here, usually takes 15-20 in traffic (I purposely choose jobs close to home, used to go from the West Island to Pointe St Charles every day, even did West Island to Mirabel at one point...NEVER THE FUCK AGAIN!).

I don't know, sometimes I think I need 3 weeks off straight, or a month, but I can't do that I'm afraid. Leftovers from my last job in which I was seriously stressed.

Trying to get another press pass for next week, don't know how I'm going to do with that - the management company won't deal with me, so I had to contact the venue, which will mean probably contacting the promoter. Promoter won't let me chances are. Then next week maybe in Ottawa for the Blues Fest? Ah dunno. I'll see. I have an in at a record label, already did some work for them, so we'll see. I'm an "unaccredited freelancer" so the smaller acts will allow me passes, larger ones won't. This is for the Black Crowes, used to be big, now small, so not sure where I fit into that!

Guess going back to working is a good idea.





Sunday, June 29, 2008

worst. weather. ever.

Holy good god is it over yet?

Thunderstorm last night, so it's now like an Amazon jungle out there. Shoot me in the head. Please.

I am going to a friend's recital today. Tabernac. It's gonna be hot I'm thinking. Oh yey.

So I've attached two photos from last night, fuckit, I get outed, I get outed. Man it's hard to take enough photos to get something decent in a 15 minute period (approximately, 3 songs, that's it).

Concert was fabulous however (Sarah Slean), and had I not been with a very crowd-phobic friend, I would have moseyed over to the jazz fest to take a few more photos.

Oh well....I'm not so good in crowds either myself.

Cool. I'm not leaving the house til I have to dammitall.

Friday, June 27, 2008


Finally, Friday. It was the longest short week of my life, and probably will have another one next week. Dammitall! These holidays in the middle of the week are ridiculous, but maybe that's just me!

Good night last night. More emails...while I was visiting my bartender friend, and the HH came down and joined me...his idea, not mine.....what? I' m going to tell him to stay home?

It was karaoke night, so I sang (for those not in the know, I can sing, studied ever so briefly at McGill before quitting school altogether), he enjoyed, we had fun, we flirted, and where it goes from there I'm not sure but he wants to get together again this weekend.

I figured I'd let him do the chasing and it seems he thrives on that. I can sit back and do nothing but receive adoration. No problem!

We're having a BBQ at work today, brought my camera so I can take a few photos for the newsletter....why not I say? Launching the new fiscal year (big company, big on employee involvement, can you tell?)

Tonight probably down to the pub, it's close, and I have stuff to do go to the gym which I have neglected this week big time. It's supposed to rain all weekend.

Then tomorrow night my first sanctioned photography session. Woot! I'm seriously stoked and hope I get some decent photos from it! I would hate that my photos don't come out nicely and I went and got myself a press pass.

Sigh. So with a smile on my face for all I have to look forward to this weekend, I return to my work. Dealing with the Canadian government makes me want to bang my head against the desk, shaking my hands at the gods in frustration that these dudes get so much of my tax money to be complete and utter useless hand not knowing what the other is up to. And we trust these people with our air security!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

and to clarify

Just wanted to clear a few things up. I tend to whine when I'm confused and I think I've done just that.....

I am first in my life, although this is contrary to my nature, it's something I've learned to do, because I had to. It's also the reason why I've essentially been single for 7 years with only the occasional blip on the road of life, I'm not putting up with shit.

But it also makes me wonder if *I* am what is going wrong, I'm pretty hard, I'm hard to get to know (I think Jann Arden has a line in a song that goes "I'm hard to hold onto" that is I can't sit back and think that men are always at fault.

That being said, I found out something I shouldn't have (my own fault for looking), because I have a hard time trusting people, because of what *I* made up in my own head, because like a bonehead he didn't tell me he was off to a foreign country, so I imagined all sorts of lies/deception which did in fact not happen. I was not his girlfriend. He didn't have to tell me. He admits readily it is however a courtesy he should have extended to me and apologized profusely.

Is he right for me? I am not sure. I'm realizing that perhaps I shun people or keep them from getting close to me in an effort not to get hurt, and also realize he just made some pretty huge decisions in his life in terms of work (as in no longer persuing his previous profession and staying here permanently), so maybe I've been expecting way too much so soon.

Not excusing him behaving like a dolt and not letting me know what's up when he disappeared for a day for the grandfather, just saying...there are 2 sides to every story, and although women everywhere may hate me for this comment, we are NOT always in the right. I have enough male friends, and frankly periodically sympathize with them on that little tidbit. Our insecurities can sweetly fuck up an otherwise good thing.

And I think I do that sometimes.

Don't they say self-realization is the key?

On that note, my silence prompted emails by the tonne last night, which I answered back when I had the time (I never leave an email unanswered I'm afraid, from anyone, even if it's one word).

Is this something for me? I dunno. Am I causing my own heartache? Probably, the things that I create in my imagination you have no idea....

I dunno. So let it ride....(to quote Bachman Cummings from the other night!)

Thank you all by the way :-)

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

work ennuie

I love my job. Do not get me wrong. And I feel lucky to work for the company I work for.

But I guess I have so much else going on, this week I'd appreciate the time to get my house in order (literally, not figuratively) finish that godforsaken lawn, have the kid come mow it, and that'll be that!

If I clean my house will he come? (oh my loaded question, unintentionally). Who you ask? Kerist whoever can handle me would be appreciated, as long as they meet my requirements.

Which at this point is the right danglie bits. Apparently poutine and DQ have worn off :-) All this energy, and it's going to waste...wasted at 39. Kerist. A total shame I tell you. A shame.


I should work. I have enough of it.

Completely re-edited all my Sass Jordan shots...they look better, color coded better, have learned alot since last July apparently. Wish I could post my favorite shots on here, but they have my full name on them...probably best not. I pride myself that no one I know comes on here at the moment. And the minute I find out they do, I'm outta here! I like having the freedom to kvetch as needed.

It's our Montreal International Jazz Festival this weekend, a guy I know is on the Lotto Quebec Blues Stage on Friday night, think I'll pop down and take a few photos of him. Probably need a press pass...oh well, it's an outdoor stage, if I can get close enough I'll get good shots. I'm keeping myself pretty unavailable at the moment, purposely. HH who? Oh yeah. Him.

Ignoring him isn't too bad. It's not killing me as I thought it might.

Is he something I want? Dunno. Not being very nice right about now, do I really need this? Am I there to massage HIS ego? (god knows, I'm no freaking beauty queen, so I really can't see that as a possibility). And then again, I always wonder if I make myself completely unavailable and men run. This is not the first time. I'm either going after the same kind of guy, or, the common denominator, me.

Not so convinced I may not be the cause of this angst.

However, if someone can't handle me being busy. Well. That's me. I rarely relax. I'm always doing *something*.


Back to work. Freight waits for no one.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008


Had a lazy Fete St Jean. I think I've slept 12 hours today, and still tired.

The HH. Meh. Stay tuned. I don't know what to do or think, so I've decided to do nothing. Unfortunately I think about him constantly. My girlfriend says he came back for a reason, and it's usually closure. I ain't feelin' any of that right now. i'm completely mixed up, can't understand why he would do what he's done, make all the effort, and then be romancing someone else at the same time via email.

But. I guess I don't get much do I?

I've just decided to leave it alone. I think/know he hasn't told this other woman the truth in alot of instances, but has he lied to me? My gut says no. But who the hell knows?

See I had this boyfriend about a year and a half ago. If you can call him that. He ended up being a very good liar, pretty much compulsive, and a crack addict, functioning crack addict. So my trust....not so good. In fact, it takes alot for a man to earn my trust.

Thought he'd done that and wanted to make an effort.

I have the urge to ask him what he wants from me. But I'm thinking that is showing my hand a bit too much. As though I actually care. I don't like appearing that way.

Geez. Two weeks of happy and here I sit, unhappy. Watched 2 romantic movies that I cried the whole way through, reinstated my online dating profile (I disable it frequently due to the large amount of men only wanting sex from me, which is not something that I will jump into so screw them), and I sit wondering what's wrong with me.

I know what's wrong with me. Most men profess to want a strong, confident, self-sufficient woman. And when they meet one, don't know what to do with her.

Doesn't mean I don't have my soft side. It just means that I'm smart enough to not trust every idiot out there, and it takes some time to get to know me.

If he was interested, he'd make more of an effort. He's made none in the past week and a bit.

Screw it.

Screw it all.


So I had a poutine and a trip to DQ. It makes the sex cravings go away.

Kiss cravings? That would make me happy, I don't ask for much at this point truthfully. From an employed guy that heats my loins...would be nice.

Monday, June 23, 2008


I got a press pass!!! for my concert on the weekend!!! I am soooo pleased!

woot me!

Ode to George Carlin


That is all.

RIP funny man.


Ok first off (keep in mind my mood SUCKS right now)...why the FUCK am I at work today?????? I am useless as tits on a bull as is everyone else, and do you think any of our customers are actually working? Um no, because tomorrow is a frakking holiday, we're the only boneheads at work, as evidenced by the traffic on the highway this morning. Or lack thereof.

Ok I'll be fine. Really I will.

I'm also crabby, was up all night modifying my Myspace page to reflect my concert photography so I can grab me a few press passes for concerts. Last week's concert extravaganza reminded me how much I love it and how good I am at it.

Not that I ever expect to make a living at it, it's just a hobby, but one I really enjoy.

I have more hobbies then you can shake a stick at.

Just don't point the stick at me k? I'm a bitch and a half today.

Ok the HH.

Got email this morning. He didn't contact me because his grandfather in Ontario fell ill (lives in a nursing home and is ailing, has been for a while, he's told me about him before), and he left Saturday afternoon and got back last night, going back tonight to join his dad til tomorrow night (it's a holiday in Quebec tomorrow for those not in the know). I was not blown off on Saturday night. And in his defence, he is not accountable to me....he's accountable to himself and his family.

This does not erase what I found out though, and my trust issues in that respect!

Do men keep more than one option open at a time? Is this a common occurence? I date so little, yet I think I know men pretty well, and know how they think of things....would it make sense that a guy would be fishing in a few waters to see what he can catch? Or is this a bad thing. And by a few I mean only 2 and someone else. I have home ice advantage (to make a hockey analogy), but she has familiarity.

I get nothing. Understand nothing. And apparently am willing to accept more than most women - cuz I really do for the most part understand men and the way they work, because I tend to me more guy-like then chick-like. However, in this instance, I'm feeling very much like a chick.

Confusion reigns. Ain't it grand?

Sunday, June 22, 2008

why is it always like this for me?

When my own words fail me (which is frequently), I use someone else's. I'm in a bad place today, a place with no contact, no explanations, no nothing. So please, feel particular the bridge....that says it all for me at the moment - my apparently vivid imagination and all.

Between The Lines
(by Sara Bareilles)

Time to tell me the truth
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper in the way
Cause I can't continue pretending to choose
The opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you laters if at all
No right minds could wrong be this many times

My memory is cruel
I'm queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn I'd heard him say it ten thousand times
If only I had been listening

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always between the lines
Between the lines

I thought I thought I was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
And stand in the center of it all
Too late two choices to stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He'd already left with the other
So I've learned to listen through silence


I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say
I'll talk until the conversation doesn't stay on
Wait for me I'm almost ready
When he meant let go

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always be
You and me
Always between the lines

Saturday, June 21, 2008


How am I supposed to trust anyone anymore?

I don't know what to think.

My horoscope, although not something I believe in entirely, says that my romance has hit a brick wall, but not to worry, things aren't as they seem.

Dammitall, I fucking hope so.

I've said it once, I'll say it again, I do not like many men. Most I can take or leave, they don't make me fluttery, they don't make me giddy, and they don't do sweet fuck all for me.

This one does. This one seemed interested. This one pays attention and keeps in constant contact.

So how am I rewarded for meeting someone that lights a fire inside me, makes me feel beautiful, makes me feel good, and who I enjoy immensely?

With a complete slap in the face.

How can I trust what he's telling me? How can I trust what anyone tells me?

I just have no clue about anything anymore and I SWORE I wouldn't cry over this guy ever again, and yet, here I am.

I wish I could tell him, but I can't. I can't do it.


Ever had these flashes of an idea......then thought to yourself or found out that maybe it wasn't the best idea you've ever had?

Well I did something last night when I got home from the pub that I think I'm going to regret. They say ignorance is bliss, and I no longer feel any ignorance, I know what is going on, and I'm not sure I'm happy about it. I'm also not certain what I'm going to do about it, although the game has already begun, in the form of a little "I missed you" email.

I'm not going to go into what I figured out or for that matter what I did, I'm a bit ashamed, but I can tell you all that I'm not happy about it. The smile that I have gone around with for the past few weeks has been wiped off with the look at one web page. The flutters in my stomach have been replaced by a sinking feeling.

Confused people, because this is obviously what we are dealing with here, or men that are attracted to the drama, are not something I want to be involved with. As much of a bitch as I may come off as, I don't care.

What will I do about it?

I know the way I feel. Felt. I don't know anymore.

All I know is that I have no luck in this area and my karma seems to be completely fucked.

Friday, June 20, 2008


Got home at 6:00 this morning from Toronto.


4 hours sleep thankyoufreakingsmalldogsfromhell.

Great concerts. Stevie Nicks is a diva. Changed 5 times. Randy Bachman/Burton Cummings were fantastic, as was opening act Kim Mitchell.

Bed. now. please.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

2 day hiatus

I'm off on the whirlwind concert tour tomorrow morning early, so I'll update y'all when I get back!

Have a great 2 days!

P.S. still fluffy here....sad, I know.... :)

Monday, June 16, 2008


Guess the best way to describe myself is fluffy.

How dumb am I? I seriously feel like a flake case today.

Because of attentive emails.

Getting through today is going to be hellish. Totally hellish. I'm only working 2 days this week and I am well aware they are going to be the longest 2 days in history.

Isn't that always the way when you're looking forward to something?

And this week, I am pretty much looking forward to everything. Absolutely everything! Dinner tomorrow, my trip and then the weekend with himself.

Can it get better?

Oh yeah, it can, humidity can f-off, as can these crazy thunderstoms that we're due. All week. Oh yay. My brain....told the Doc it was the worst time of year and to give me a prescription, I wasn't bloody kidding. Health insurance rocks.

I need to float downstairs and get cracking on coffee and breakfast, and then cracking on work. Yahoodles. So much to do, so little time, so many conference calls with overseas. It's a rough life I tells ya.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

hermit hiding from heat

Ahhhhh air conditioning. Without it, I am a very very crabby woman.

I hate the heat. It hates me, as does the sun. Oh well.

Went out and enjoyed the band at the pub down the street (or my local as the Brits would say), no I didn't see the HH, however I did hear from him when he got up this morning, he went to a graduation party for a friend's daughter. He forgot til he got a text from another friend asking what time he was leaving. For what he couldn't remember....had to go. He's got memory issues due to previous work-related concussions. Since I've had 3, and he's had double that, I can relate unfortunately.

So....I didn't see him but it's ok. He explained. And I just figured he went home after work yesterday and died. Having a regular job is tiring :-) Yeah no kiddin'!

So my friend S said she's never seen me so happy. That I'm happy. Why I'm happy I have no idea, but I'm hoping that I find out. Wouldn't that be a blessing? Him coming back makes me happy. I know others think I'm a wuss or a pushover for allowing him back in my life after everything, however, after much discussion, it turns out alot of my assumptions were indeed incorrect.

Oops. This is what happens when my mind has no answers.

Work for 2 days, and then I'm outta here and off to Barrie for Stevie Nicks and then Toronto for Bachman Cummings. And back early Friday morning.

I never got my furniture done. I know. Bad girl. Lazy girl. Migrainey girl. Damn this weather and it looks like rain out there right now.

I really hope the whole summer isn't like this. They don't make enough drugs frankly.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

and another thing

Ok it's Saturday. I have all these plans for today.

Not least of which is a personal training session. Oh yay, had to cancel Monday due to not being able to put my bra on. Yeah. Bra is a good idea.

The boxes of furniture in the house will today actually become furniture. That's my goal....we'll see if that happens or not, I need to find my screwdriver from the last time I got furniture....what in HELL I did with it I can't tell you.

Saw Sex and the City last night, and just sayin', I need a pair of Manolos. Why? Just cuz. There was a sparkly pair that just made my heart sing.

I know, I'm strange.

As for hearts singing, didn't hear from HH yesterday except an email from work. Hrmmmm. This better not be the beginning of something I don't like!

Except he knew I was out for the evening with the girls. Duh. I guess after every day for 2 weeks I've gotten used to it. Bad bad girl.

He better come out tonight. My imagination has been going wild.

So I should go downstairs and begin on the laundry, my favorite thing to do (not), but if I insist on wearing white and being the klutziest messiest woman around, I better get cracking (I'd also like to wear my white peasant skirt out tonight!).

No rest for the wicked. And boy, I can be wicked!

Friday, June 13, 2008

let the happy dance begin

You can tell it's Friday just by coming into my office. My iPod speaker thingie is turned up just *that* much louder, I'm bopping to the music, and I've got a grin on my face.

It's finally Friday.

Can I hear an "Amen!" please!?!?!

Going to see "Sex and the City" with the girls tonight, I loved that show way back when, it was well written, funny, and nothing like my life although I have always identified with Miranda. Hard shelled, work driven, independent....but actually a big ole moosh.

Hoping to see the HH tomorrow, but we'll see. He works tomorrow, by choice, so whether or not he'll feel up to it I don't know. Fingers crossed everyone ok? And an extra sprinkling of joo-joo TD! God knows how fabulous I am, he'll want to see me right? hahhhha!!! Poor boy just isn't used to the 9-5...but he'll get to the point that he can go out on school nights like I do all the time. Then again I have a friend from a former job that says I'm a party machine...which is true, back in those days, I worked 2 jobs, one from 8:30-5:00 the next one from 5:30 -10:00 ish, sometimes midnight/1 in the morning if the flights had a problem or were late. And then I went out. Every night on the weekend. I don't think I slept much.

However, I need a bit more rest these days, I was 32 then, I am 39 now. Please note, a hot 39 (!!!!)

Actually I take after my dad with the oily skin, keeps the skin young, I don't go in the sun (unless I have to, as in the Grand Prix.... or the Highland Games - um men in kilts...helloooooo??? worth all the sunstroke you can get!) and just generally, I lucked out in genetics, my dad looks 10 years his junior, and I'm mistaken for the same myself...except that I am 39 and don't mind telling people and laughing at their faces! Said I was 40 in a shoe store last week (in reference to my objection to Mary Jane shoes....goddamn I'm not 12), which is true, 40th year, and the salesperson looks at me with a scrunched up face and says "OMG you're 40? I thought you were maybe 30!" Yeah no. All these life experiences and self-confidence? I've been on the earth 39 years baby.

Heh. And you guys have no clue what in hell I look like. Beuts!

Going for dinner with my former boss next week. I think the company are sending him back to Japan. Sad. Nice man and I really enjoyed working with him. But they haven't treated him well, and I'm worried his job will reflect his Canadian treatment when he gets back there (and he will work himself to death for the company and has done in the past, it's the Japanese way). Sushi/sukyaki downtown...I'm sad he's going back, one of my favorite bosses ever, regardless of the differences and how annoying he could be (just a cultural thing, ask a million redundant questions and drive your employees insane).

And I guess maybe I should get to work?

I'm thinking of HH. Can't help it. I'm a goner. He emailed me his work email so I had it yesterday. Cute eh? Sigh.

Seriously. I am never like this. My girlfriend J is in awe. Can't believe this is me. And is happy it is so maybe I won't end up single at 50 like her. Loves her, but she's just permanently single!
And I don't know why, her flirt is the best in the business....she's got that going on (another one that doesn't look her age...we've decided it's not having kids, keeps ya young).

She's taught me the flirt well, my flirt is no longer broken.

Anyhoo. Work. They pays me the big bucks to be a manager and I'm blogging.


Thursday, June 12, 2008

what could make this day perfect

I have a few little wishes for today. Naturally, one of them involves the HH. As in I wish he wasn't so tired from his new job (got a cryptic email last night involving how tired he was and was going right to bed) and that he would come out with all of us tonight and have fun and most importantly...KISS ME!

However. That probably ain't happenin!

Just really wish I could see him again soon. I am not like this about anyone. A friend almost died when she saw what moosh I am.

I wish all the best for my client that lost his son in law this weekend and whose daughter is in critical condition.

Wish last night's work dinner hadn't been in the same location (even room) as my sister in law's wedding. I cried in the bathroom for a bit. I think I'll miss her forever.

I'm sure there are other things, but that's about it.

Oh yeah. Wish my headache would go away.

Wish you all a good evening too....

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

will wonders never cease?

First things first. I HAVE AIR CONDITIONING!!! Woo hoo!!!! However, it's cool out so I no longer need it. BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

So. He's here permanently. Got a job. Starts tomorrow. move? Dunno. I have none. But I'm happy he's here.

red and irritated...and dreamy

Oh this weather.

Good news is my air conditioning will be fixed tonight.

Bad news is that it's going to be a normal temp tomorrow. Later tonight even. Oh well. I survived, it's lovely at work, my burn hurts like hell, bra wearing is optional (although not in my case) as the straps rub the burn, but I'll live. My poor dogs at home, there are windows opened, but I'm worried about them. I may ask the dog walker to check on them for me.

I'm still gaga headed over the hockey hottie. It was as though he never left for a few months, we started right off where we left off. My friends left us alone, we were deep in conversation, although I was nervous as hell and probably drank a few too many g & t's. Oh and I ordered everyone shots, but I was a happy bunny. Note that I think he's shy, well I know he's shy, as am I, so NEVER, except legs under the table and arms touching because we were deep in conversation, never has he put a hand on me until Friday, when he was leaving rubbing my back and arms. And me grinning at him like a goof, with my friend L's voice in my head going "attack, attack now!!!!!". And then he left, turning around to smile at me again.

No TD, no kiss. It's rough with 2 very shy people, let me tell you (and if you met me you would NEVER peg me for shy, but with a guy whose company I enjoy? Oh man.)

So, I wanted to make sure that he knew that I had been happy to see him, so I emailed with a note to say how pleased I had been. And he answered back that he felt the same. And the emails have ensued since, about 20 a day between us on average. He email flirts, I email flirt.

So what do we do now? Hope I see him again soon. He may be working as of tomorrow...which is excellent for him, very pleased for him considering he's been out of the country for 15 years and has never done anything other than something hockey-related. Welcome to the world as I've known it my entire adult life!

So. I am a goofball, and he's what I think of when I go to bed, and what I'm thinking about when I wake up, and I goddamned wish he'd damned well do something.

Oh and booblicious shirts work. Caught him looking at the cleavage twice. It was a bit more booblicious then I wanted...but that was also the booblicious bra. Combo of the two...yikes!

Back at work. Have a severe sunburn, sunstroke, an asthma attack...oh my, Sunday and yesterday were fun.

But my F1 team came in 3rd, I got neato photos (one of Michael Douglas & Catherine Zeta-Jones no less) and had a blast. And paid for it later that night and the next day. Oh well.....I love the race. Nothing better.

And back to work I go. Doing a professional course, didn't write my paper, has to be out by the end of the day. Oops. I am not cut out for school.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

GAHHHHHH grrrrrrrrrrr

Goddamned heat pump. The humidity (66% today I believe) and it decides that turning on is not necessary. Meaning I have no air conditioning.

Which means I have to miss a day of work. Oh I am in a fabulous mood now.

So heard from the hockey hottie yesterday, briefly, as he was out to a party for a friend's child, wishing he could go home and watch movies instead. Heh. Sort of like me, BBQ but I was just in no mood truthfully....I could have happily stayed home instead frankly. and I like my friends, don't get me wrong, I am just super tired, 5 hours sleep yesterday, maybe the same today...and on top of it no appetite. Wonderful. But that's the weather.

So I put a service call in for the heat pump. More money! YAY! I'm sure it just needs a freon top up, hasn't had one in quite a few years.

Worked yesterday just fine.

Anyway. So there you have it. Annoyed I am. Humidity makes me very unhappy.

edited: no no it's 99% humidity. I'm going to sit on a racetrack why again?

Saturday, June 7, 2008


Well, ahem, errmmmm, ummmmmmmm, hrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I dunno. I's confuzzled.

Going to bed, with a smile on my face now.

Friday, June 6, 2008


I think I'm going to be sick from nerves.

How stupid am I?

That is all.

Back to being stupidly happy for the afternoon. I'm sure someone around here would bonk me in the head if I wasn't management.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

it's only money right?

So for those not in the know, I'm working out, eating well, and losing weight.

Well the time has come to get more jeans. Might not sound like alot to you guys but....size 14s. One size from my major goal of 12. (Keep in mind I'm very tall, and unfortunately inheirited my grandmother's larger frame - I'll never be a 6).

So off I go. Want a booblicious shirt for tomorrow also. Want to feel a bit sexayyyyy.

Oh yeah need another bra, one of my good ones, but man, it was expensive. But it's too big now.

Frig. $100 on a bra.

Ok off I go, cuz I have to get back and work. Yes work. The joys of management.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

sometimes I read way too much into things

Received this song via email from the hottie.

Nice lyrics. (we have country music in common)

Tu Compania
(Keith Urban)

Sounds real good now
If I could be anywhere with anyone
You know exactly where'd I'd be
Under the covers waiting for the sun to rise
Your head on the pillow next to me

Your feet propped up on that kitchen chair
Morning papers scattered all around you
Coffee brewing on the cast iron stove
And the pleasure of just knowing that your mine

Well, I love the way you look
Love the way you feel
And the way you roll your eyes
At the kisses that I steal
Love the way you stare
When you're staring right at me
I just love your company
Oh, yes, I do

Arm in arm on some Spring sidewalk day
Laughing just because it feels so right
Wrapped up under the blankets all cozy by the fire
As long as you're here close enough to touch


Tuesday, June 3, 2008 do I not sound like a complete loon?

Ok so the Hockey Hottie.

After about 17 emails back and forth between us, offers of showing me legal documents for the business he had (which he doesn't any longer), I think we're straight.

Meaning what I'm not sure. He's been away for 3 months, I've all but thought of nothing since he fucked off without telling me (apparently had 6 hours notice only, no internet access, one phone call a week to his parents)....finally start to not think of him til Sunday when I was near his parents place and had a dream about him.

Then bang an email from him.

I easily forgive unfortunately, I cooled down completely on the subject. He's sent me information, 2 pages of it, trying to fix a wrong by taking off without telling me. So I guess I can let my guard down.

We're meeting for beers after I've been to dinner with friends on Friday night.

God help me.

too little time

I'm super busy with work and work functions...but I will update the Hockey Hottie situation as soon as I can!

Monday, June 2, 2008

hockey hottie

I knew this would happen. It was an omen that I jammed around the corner from his parents on Saturday, and then I had a dream about him last night.

I got an email from him last night. He was teaching in Russia....just got back on the weekend.

My life is a freaking soap opera and I hardly date!!! What the hell?

Yeah, just turned my iPod on here at work. One of his favorite songs, "Rockstar" by Nickelback.

Wants to see me.

I think the universe likes to fuck with me. I really do.

What do I do now? I responded back to him, as nicely as I could. Part of me wants to see him, the other part of me wants to punch him (the part of me that wants to see him is the lustful part, he's hot, hence the name). He's owes me a minimal amount of money, $40 and wants to give it back to me (hey, I'll get my moolah back, no arguments), let's go get a beer, feels guilty about it yadda yadda.... but I really do have the urge to deck him.

I'm going back to banging my head on the desk.


Sunday, June 1, 2008

fun with Kathleen

One of my favorite concerts this year was the Kathleen Edwards concert.

Before she did "I Make the Dough, You Get The Glory" she was talking about how the record company wanted her to do a video for this tune, and that she told them if they couldn't get Marty McSorley she wouldn't do it.

Well they did, as she told us and therefore the vid would be done.

It's funny, here it is...her band is in it (guy in the glasses plays keyboards) her husband guitarist Colin Cripps is the referee, and the opposing team is made up of Jim Cuddy of Blue Rodeo, as well as veteran hockey players from Canada including Paul Coffey (have my girlfriend on it to see if she can recognize the other guys).

And of course, Marty McSorley!

She said she'd been worried that he would be insulted by the the song, but apparently not!

Great video, how can you tell she's

it's been a weekend

Well, now I'm relaxing a bit with a ceasar (yummy) and reflecting on how damned busy this weekend was. Dammitall!

Yesterday was personal torturer, followed by a trip to Telus to figure out what the f*ck is going on with my cell phone. Turns out it's a code 18 (person 18 inches from the screen in computer guy speak!), I inadvertently keep leaving the blue tooth on and with the phone I have it's draining the battery. Duuuh.

Then went and jammed Sarah McLachlan, I'm not used to singing that much anymore ended up a bit hoarse, but that's ok, I'll survive. Had a blast, hoping we do it again soon. Bizarre thing to be doing, but hey, the guys playing were amazingly well rehearsed and it went really well.

Of course nothing goes perfectly in my world, and the house we were rehearsing at was about 10 feet from the home of Hockey Hottie's parents. Yeah. So if I have to go there continuously once a month or so one of the following will happen (or both, this is me), I'll run into him and/or get accused of stalking him because I'm so close by. Oh well. The offending vehicle was in the parking lot no less, meaning he was there. Great. Just my luck.

Yes technodoll...I am cursed!

Then sushi dinner with a few girls, and out to see my friend's band play then out to another friend's band and home.

That was about 2 am I think.

So I slept til 9, walked the dogs, went back to bed til 11, and have been basically a lazy shit ever since.

Think I'll make a bit of jewelry. Should have worked. However, I don't give a crap at this point.

The weekends go so quickly.

Life moves so quickly.

Was supposed to have a date but he had to work for a buddy (he's a photographer). No big deal. Another time. Or not.

Ok back to the production line.....