Wednesday, May 28, 2008

fun and games

So I'm trying to mow my lawn. I get sick when I do that, I'm allergic to it, but it's so long right now no one else will touch it. So I borrowed my girlfriend's gas mower, managed to flood it. So I'm blogging. Problem with me is my nose is running so much right now, I'll never go back out.

However, the kid down the street is looking for mowing work. SCORE!

But not in the condition it is right now, the city is going to give me a warning if I don't do something like NOW.

Girlfriend is coming over to start it for me. I have a battery operated mower....which can't go thru my lawn you see. Not the length it is currently.

So last night, not only was I seemingly rejected, I got the video that was prepared for my sis-in-law's funeral. Just one of those photo stream thingies with sad music, they had played it in the funeral home, but I didn't go to the room it was playing in, I knew I would probably bawl. Stayed with my ex husband and my bro in law and his wife (who's probably the only family member other than my ex that likes me now that sis in law has passed).

So, I broke down watching that thing. Bawled like a baby, particularly the wedding photos (ironic, seeing as I hate weddings). Oh and the photos that were recent of her, her son, and the ones of her and my ex, who was so afraid to go see her until I said to him late last year that he better go soon or she wouldn't be around anymore. I'm glad he did.

It's been said, that I am like a Whippet cookie. Hard on the outside, mushy on the inside. Which is true. I'm hard as nails to most people, alot don't like me or don't know how to take me, yet the slightest thing happening to myself, someone I care about or an animal and I'm a mess.

Sigh. Being me sucks sometimes.

P.S. Seems that my girlfriend didn't tell me the jerican beside the mower had DIESEL IN IT!!!!

We shot everything out and I'm hoping hoping hoping it's not dead. Cuz I'll feel really guilty.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

yeah more of the same

So I won't be getting an email.

Crush must have read my email, realized his Crackbook wasn't private, and made it private.

But no email.

So I'll just assume there won't be one. My. Isn't that a slap in the face? Not like I asked him to marry me or nothing, just a "how you doing?" email.

Oh well.

This would be why I generally don't bother...nothing ever comes of my efforts. It's almost like I have the word UN-DATEABLE tattooed on my forehead.

Monday, May 26, 2008

updates updates everywhere

Ok update #1, crush has not contacted me. anyone's defense, I don't think people are as attached to their computers as I am considering I work on one. Between photo editing etc etc etc, I spend an inordinate amount of time on the computer (unfortunately). Still hoping for an email from him. With bated breath. But I just realized he's also 5 years my junior. Didn't realize that...hrmmmmmm....

Update #2, in the spirit of not sitting on the computer I have finally gotten my butt in gear and made more jewelry. Sat and did that last night and it felt fantastic (I got out of it - didn't feel like it, but need more stuff for my online store so I'm trying a few ideas that have come to mind).

Update #3, the house is a f*cking disaster. Why that isn't a surprise I have no idea. I did read something online at work (we have a website that deals with "life problems" that the company provides for us free of charge and there was an article about getting your house in order literally) and I am going to follow their suggestion, 50 mins of cleaning of one area, neatening whatever, and then you give yourself 10 mins to clean up from the mess, they suggest once a week. Obviously, they've never seen my house, so I'm hoping for at least 3 times a week. It's the best I can do, I can't do the "big" push. I hate it.

Better than nothing right?

To go with update #2 is update #4 in which I tell you that I haven't uploaded my photos from the other night yet, but will soon.

Update #5, I have a jam on Saturday....we're jamming Sarah McLachlan, yes, there is a group of men that get together to jam Sarah, and I'm singing. Sharing the singing with a friend of mine, and although I know all the lyrics and vocal lines for all Sarah's tunes, I have to learn the harmony lines for half of the assigned songs. Have I done this yet? Of course not! But I'm getting there. Oh yeah I also have to learn "Train Wreck" because I don't know it all that well.

Fun fun fun!

I am so damned tired from work, was up til 1:30 this morning and then up to get ready to go to work at 7. I'm used to a week of sleeping til almost 10, it just about killed me today, so I suspect bed and early are two words I'll be using later.

Unless, of course, I hear from the crush. Then I won't be able to sleep. My sister told me not to obsess, but, well, I really really enjoyed this guy, so there you go.

Except another thing that I remembered.

He's shorter than me. What the HELL else is new I ask you? Being taller than your average woman sometimes SUCKS!!!! Especially in Montreal!!! Oh well, he's fun, so it's not important.

Could he answer my email already?

Sunday, May 25, 2008


Last company I worked at, we had this new client, a big old circus based here in Montreal (figger it out!).

There were two guys we dealt with (I was assistant branch manager - Japanese company, so as management you do the selling). One of which I thought was very cute. Had a crush on him as a matter of fact, think he thought I was cute too.

Anyhoo, by a stroke of "this world is so damned small", I was on the evil "Crackbook" and clicked on a photo commented on by the friend of a friend, and I noticed it had to do with the project I was working on when I worked at the other of the Japanese work site.

So I took a look through the photo album and lo and behold, there is my crush. He's on Crackbook.

So I email.

Cuz I'm getting flirty and brave in my old age.

If he's overseas, I won't hear for a while...if I hear. Hope I hear?

See, you're not supposed to fraternize with the client, but now that I don't work there? Fair game!

He's single. He's cute (to me). And most of all, the time we all went out for dinner (with all my Japanese bosses, so couldn't have as much fun as I could normally do), we had a blast. My boss sat us beside each other because he knew I thought he was cute...and we got quietly loaded on sake together (by quietly, I mean obnoxious in a way as not to embarrass either of our companies!)

Ok, can all be right in the world and he contacts me back?

I'd really like that!

Saturday, May 24, 2008


Oh man, I'm tired.

I must stop behaving like a 20 year old, staying out all night.

In my defense, great time had by all, out to see John McGale Blues Project, my girlfriend was opening for him, so we had dinner and stayed all night. Great band.

For those who don't know John McGale - I'll tell you a bit about him, but unless you're from Quebec, or maybe Canada in a squeak, you won't have a clue. He's a member of Offenbach, Quebec band since the 70's (60's even), creation of the Boulet brothers. So he was playing at my local restaurant bar last night (and tonight) and is opening with Offenbach next weekend for George Thorogood. Wrap your head around that one. Consummate performer, plays every instrument known to man (and well) and sings. Three guys that sound like 5. Amazing.

Anyway, going back tonight, another friend's son plays blues and we want him to see him (and meeting him can't hurt - seeing as this kid has a future in music ... I can feel it). Figure the band will probably hang with us again anyway, as they usually end up doing! I need to take some photos, ran out of battery pack power (next week I buy a new battery pack damitall!). This is my new hobby, taking photos of bands/performers. I'll post one of John McGale tomorrow after I'm done with my editing.

Sunny and gorgeous (well a few clouds, but it's pretty) and I'm going out to have brunch with a girlfriend (very Montreal of me! - dammitall we love our brunch!).

You all have a lovely day and when I'm done playing with the boys tonight, I'll post a photo or 2.


Tuesday, May 20, 2008

what I want

Ok I'm doing this after being cajoled by friends to do so. They say that in regards to getting what I want in life, I have to put it out there.

Now when it comes to objects of my desire or work related things, I don't have a hell of a problem with that.

Then there's the man thing. I just don't know about that. I will preface all of this with the following. I'm not really looking. I mean, I look at men, but I'm not actively dating because, well, it's a waste of time due to my past experience and generally, I'm pretty much apathetic on the subject.

Yet, after being separated for the past 7 years (almost 8) and having gotten involved only ever so briefly with a couple men, I am getting sort of tired of being just me the single version. Or wondering what's wrong with me (although I suspect it's my "I don't need anyone else" attitude).

So because I was telling the girls last night that I have no idea what I want, but an idea of what I don't want, they told me I need to put out there what it is I do want in a man so that I get it. I don't necessarily believe in this, but I'll do it and make them happy. I'm all about making people happy (yeah right!).

1- a nice man who values family and friends, and will treat me the way I would like to be treated

2- a man that *I* consider attractive, so I'm actually attracted to them (no laughing this has been a problem before, I was married to a man I enjoyed spending time with but wasn't attracted to - you have no idea the problems this creates)

3 - a man that is employed decently (as in someone I don't have to support or isn't going to decide I have to support them because they find out I make a decent salary), and that lives on his own

4 - a man confident enough to understand that I have a good job, a big deal job, I'm ambitious, but that doesn't make him any less a man and his job doesn't have to equal mine (nor does he need to make the money that I do) - been a problem in the past

5 - must love animals. I have a zoo.

6 - a man that has his past dealt with, we all have baggage, it's how we deal with it

7 - a man who has enough confidence to allow me my freedom and not smother me - I'm easily smothered - jealousy and clinging will make me run away quick

8 - patient and tolerant, because I fly off the handle, and I'm mega irritating

8 - a man who is smart

9 - a man who is really, sincerely honest

10 - not an alcoholic, drug addict or sex addict (had one each of the last 2, never again)

There are superficial things like smoking (non thanks) and I'd love a tall man for once (I think only a Montrealer could understand how many short men there are in Montreal - and I'm tall - so the tall men overlook me in favor of the tiny ladies - I'm generally stuck with the shorter guys - not the end of the world, but I don't like to feel like I might crush anyone...if that's ok with the universe). Oh and no past or current criminal issues - this is a biggie, the job I do, I have to be security checked frequently and so do those that I'm involved with romantically. By CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service). I also have a preference for no kids...but then again, that's pretty much negotiable. Met a nice guy a few weekends ago with a daughter, I would be ok with dating him (of course, it always takes them being ok with dating me).

I really don't think I'm asking for much. I don't believe in the fairytale, I don't expect roses and perfection, I'm not clingy, I'm not needy, some (including my ex husband) have said that I'm not much of a girl...heh. Which I'm not.


It's out there. Everybody happy now? :-)

*Edited 21 May 2008 - and I'll keep adding things til I've got requirements so long no man will look at me ever :-D

bad case of the "I don't want to's"

Ok so...I'm off from work (ooo have to check my Blackberry...forgot about that) for the week. I have a list of things to do, as in "clean this pigsty I call a house", but not limited to painting my dining room, putting some furniture up for sale and just generally doing something about my bad history of being the messiest bitch alive.

All I want to do is sleep.

So I figure I'll tackle the kitchen first, I bought new cannisters at Ikea - hoping this will keep things on the counter top neat, and I plan on throwing a few things away (or maybe I'll put them up on Ebay, I'll see if it's worthwhile) or I'll give it to charity.

I do have to do my hair today. Taking time for a few things for me this week, hair (I henna, hard to duplicate real red hair, this does the best job AND actually covers grey), practise guitar (I might have a gig in a few weeks), and make more jewelry because I just made a couple of sales and I need some new stuff and to replace others!

Chances are I won't get most of my planned tasks done (I do have to go to work tomorrow to see a big client - this is the problem with the big national jobs...your time isn't guaranteed to be your own unfortunately...).

Oh. The Avon lady is due also...forgot about that...need to find my's gotta be in here somewhere...

Well, I'll start in the kitchen. That is where the coffee is located anyway...

Sunday, May 18, 2008

royal bizarrity

Strange as all hell to see this all over the press.

Someone I used to know married Peter Phillips, son of Princess Anne of England.

Autumn was a bartender at a bar I used to frequent, she worked with friends of mine, and I spent probably way too much time yakking with her. She was a gorgeous university student at the time, recently out of a very bad relationship, and she was just such a nice girl that no one disliked her. Both women and men enjoyed her and her big smile.

So there she is getting married in front of the Queen of England, Prince Philip, Prince Charles, Camilla....etc etc (all except William).

It's hard to reconcile these two people as the same person. Even though I did meet her and Peter at Wendys one New Years day, 2 years ago I think. We were all hung over...but he seemed like a nice enough guy, even though he does resemble generations of Windsors (big ole ears ... every single male in that family has 'em!). I heard tales of the staggette from friends here in Montreal, I've met both of her brothers, and I was sitting beside her cousin in my local pub just last week as he lamented going to this wedding and the book on royal etiquette he had received from them (as in "how not to embarrass yourself in front of royalty 101").

How does a normal girl from a suburb of Montreal meet a royal? Guess you have to look like Autumn to do it....

it's 2:20 am

I'm officially on vacation. As of Friday at 5 but ok, I don't care, I am on vacation for a week.

I have a major cleaning of this disaster area I call a home to do, I need to get rid of my dining room chairs and table and install my new ones (only had 'em a month, I would imagine it's time).

I'm awake currently due to being a bit stoke, I was out helping a friend out, she sings in a band and she has lost her voice, another friend and I went to do some filling in. I did Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker" to amazing applause (and hot men coming up to say how good I was...dear god I loves me some tall geek with nice glasses man....I swear it's an illness), and now I'm awake. Good and awake.

Breakfast with a friend and her kiddo tomorrow, then coffee and a bite with another friend who is having a very bad time of it right now and a few others we know....then my week is officially mine mine mine mine!!!

Don't like to sound greedy, but I do enjoy my time to myself... That's just the way I am boys.

And on that note, the boys and I are going to bed (yes boys, they're small, they're long, they're short legged, and most of all, 2 are smooth coated and the other is long coated....Dachshunds silly! they make wonderful foot warmers and Montreal is a titch chilly tonight!).

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


Ok I don't normally post in the morning but I have a quick question.

Why is it that I wake up at seven am on the weekend, but during the week, at almost 8 am, I'm still dragging my considerable ass around the house and haven't gotten dressed? (note that if I want to be on time for work, leaving by maybe 10 past 8 is a good idea).

On a happier note, I paid my $2 and I can wear jeans today because I don't have a meeting with a client. Phew! (it's national wear jeans at work day for breast cancer research - don't know if other places do this as well as Canada?)

Ok. My microwave is beeping it's butt off telling me that my oatmeal has been ready for the past 15 minutes....and this lazy ass is still sitting in her jammies in front of the computer.

Asleep. Still asleep, regardless of my trip outdors with the puppers.

Oh and that loud aircraft that just took off over my house. Thank you Lachine, you bunch of asshats. Buy a house near an airport and complain when you hear the aircraft. So now, I get them ALL the time, because, essentially, they have to go somewhere. HELLOOO???? It's a good thing I don't believe in guns and that bodily harm isn't legal, I'd cause it constantly on those I consider buttheads.

And on that note. WORK!

Laters all!

Friday, May 9, 2008

boop boop beee dooo!

Ok so my family.

How they irritate me.

As stated before, mother's 60th on Monday, they were coming for dinner in Montreal (live in Ontario now) and we would celebrate then. I had mentioned to my dad that I have a very busy weekend already, so I would fit that in.

Yeah well younger sister #2 emails me to say that plans have changed, dinner in Ottawa on Saturday, then another luncheon at my uncle's place in the Eastern Townships.

Yeahhhhh. Ok, really, no can do.

I don't have time to be spending 8 hours in a car traveling this weekend. I am busy all day Saturday (appointment with one of the dogs, my personal trainer, then a BBQ/jam I am singing in). Sunday was going to be an entire day devoted to my course that my assignments are due in Toronto Tuesday for (and which I have studied NOTHING of). So not a chance.


Always last minute. Pet peeve of mine that. I get the idea that my family assumes that because I'm single I have nothing to do.

Never fear. I have a very full social life, and a huge responsible job that takes alot of my time, and alot of my energy.

Ugh. Families. You can't pick who you end up with can you?

So I have this migraine today. Oh man. Day #2. Someone shoot me please? Or at least come give me a replacement head k? Just til it's gone!?!?!

Yeah ok. Not.

However, it's a dream of mine.

I'm out tonight. I need to get out and have a bit of fun, apparently there's some US marines showing to the bar my friend's band is playing at tonight, I'm going to take photographs. I'm going to have some fun with the marines. Why not I say?

And on I go!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

THE omelette!

Ok so here it is. Seriously, this was amazing...completely and utterly amazing! And I had it cold for lunch today, again with fresh sliced tomatoes and pepper (no salt, my blood pressure you know!)...ooooo I was a happy girl, this was a terrific recipe!

So, for Technodoll and anyone else that is it goes, verbatim from the chef Rick Stein (he can be seen on BBC Canada):

Baked Greek omelette with wild greens, herbs, leeks and feta

Serves 6

Prep time approx 1/2 hour - cooking time approx 45 mins

We don't have the same wild greens as they do in Corfu, so use brassicas such as curly kale, cavalo nero, or watercress or rocket, as well as as chard, and spinach or sorrel. You can also slip in the odd dandelion leaf and some wild garlic.

3 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
250g/8¾oz leeks, trimmed, cleaned and thinly sliced
250g/8¾oz mixed leaves (for example, curly kale, watercress, spinach or sorrel, see above), washed, dried and shredded
8 large free-range eggs, lightly beaten
3 tbsp chopped mint
3 tbsp chopped dill
175g/6¼oz Greek feta cheese, crumbled
25g/1oz grated Greek kefalotiri cheese or parmesan cheese
salt and freshly ground black pepper

1. Preheat the oven to 160C/320F/Gas 3.
2. Heat two tablespoons of the olive oil in a deep frying pan over a medium heat. Add the leeks and cook gently for ten minutes until soft.
3. Add the remaining oil and the mixed leaves to the pan and cook for 3-4 minutes until they have wilted down and are just tender.
4. Tip the greens into a bowl and add the eggs, mint, dill, crumbled feta, grated kefalotiri or parmesan cheese, ½ teaspoon salt and some freshly ground black pepper.
5. Oil a shallow, round, 20cm/8in non-stick cake tin, pour in the mixture and bake for about 45 minutes or until just set.
6. Serve the chunky omelette with a simple tomato and onion salad and some bread.

** I used spinach and watercress as greens and parmesan instead of the kefalotiri cheese, also cheated on the leeks as Maxi had none, used green onions instead - all onions/leeks etc come from the lily family anyway...didn't taste much different I'm sure!

And to answer Technodoll's other question...concerning breakfast places. I'm not sure what end of town you live in! I live out on the West Island but go downtown regularly for Sunday brunch with a brunch group I belong to, so I've been to a bunch down there also....I have a few I can definitely send your direction depending on where you are!

Monday, May 5, 2008

would it be ok to think it MIGHT be getting better?

Woot me.

I fought for my current job and won. We've made a few changes. But I don't have to take over the job I don't want. A big weight off my mind.

And, I'm pretty certain that I am going to be able to find something else pretty quickly if I decide that's what I want to do.


I might have mentioned before that I LOVE cooking. Love it. I am good at it, and I adore doing it, to the point where I thought of becoming a chef when I was laid off about 15 years ago, but reconsidered because of the hours (I get migraines and shift work doesn't work for me unfortunately, messes with my sleep patterns and that is a major migraine trigger for me). I was watching something half asleep yesterday on BBC Canada and it stuck in my mind, so I cooked it tonight, omelette you cook in the oven, greens, dill, mint, parmesan cheese, and feta cheese (most important!). Wow. Made it for dinner tonight and it was completely amazing. A few sliced tomatoes...oh it was so good. It think it's going to be doubly good cold tomorrow for lunch! Anyone wants the recipe leave me a comment and I'll point you in the right direction!

There was this gorgeous salmon tartare also....oh my I love food!

So I'm feeling a bit better now. Except for the lack of man thing, but there's not much I can do about that, I'm not a dating machine. In fact, for the most part I don't bother. They'll have to put up with me single again in Sunday (mom's birthday dinner). Too damned bad.

Anyway. Things are feeling on the up and that makes me nicely pleased.

I actually spent a great deal of my weekend cooking. I like to make some batches and

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Not of this world

Ok so no one told me how much this year was going to suck.

Could I have had a warning? What I would have done with that warning I can't clue, however, it would have been really nice to not be quite so nailed with crap this year.

1- The hockey hottie's disappearance.
2- Death of my sweet doggie.
3- Break of the tail bone.
4- Confirmation that the hockey hottie committed the worst acts in my opinion...lying....alot of lying.
5- Problems with the new job I love and being forced to do work that I am not interested in, ergo having to change jobs now.
6- Sister in law's death

Tabernac it's only May. In fact, only a few days in.

So obviously, due to this death my mood hasn't been fantastic, I sort of vascilate between tears and being ok.

But you want to know the kicker today?

Now remember. I am one of those "I'd rather be alone than be unhappy with someone" people. I am. Truly. If I'm not interested in a guy, I'm not going to play with him to make myself feel better, and easily 9.5 out of 10 men don't interest me at all (yes, that means that maybe half a man interests me!).

So it's Mother's Day next Sunday, and the day after is my mother's birthday, 60th. She doesn't want a party. According to my dad's email she just wants to do dinner with her kids, their spouses and boyfriends, and grandkids.

Yeah. Ok.

No problem.

Maybe I can rent someone?

Now how much did this email bother me? Well. I'm sitting here in tears again. In my defence, due to the week it's been, my emotions are raw. But this was enough to send me over the edge.

And makes me want to stay home.

Me. Alone. Again.

It's 2 pm. I think I'm going to bed again.

I am not meant for this world. It wasn't ready for me. I'm convinced of that.

things I'd like to say

(written & performed by Melissa McClelland)

Six A.M., the night is breathing down my back
The radio, softly singing static
The sky's a circus of dark clouds hanging over me

The ground will open up and swallow what is left
And there is a calm beneath the storm that's brewing in my chest

I whisper the things I'll never say
I whisper and let the pieces fall away

The mourners pass me with sorry smiles hanging from their faces
And flowers line the window sill torturing my senses

I'll hold my breath until the petals fall away
And the earth has frozen over all the things I'll never say

I whisper the things I'll never say
I whisper and let the pieces fall away

The quiet finds its way beneath the bedroom door
And marks each space between the footstep and the floor
The house is shaded like it sees the future written on me

I whisper the things I'll never say
I whisper and let the pieces fall away

I whisper the things I'll never say
I whisper and let the pieces fall away

Friday, May 2, 2008

funeral fun

First Jewish funeral I've ever been to. No, my ex wasn't Jewish, like myself, he's pretty much anti-religion. His sister converted before she married.

I don't think there is anything sadder than the funeral for a young person. It was frankly heartbreaking. Her husband. Wow. Anyone that says he would live the past 4 years of her illness again because there were good times in there is a saint. And why aren't there more men like that? When I consider her family tried to break them up way back when (not my ex...they tried to do that to us as well and he put them in their place as did his sister). He was a true man and took care of both her and their son while she was ill. Quite amazing, considering how soft a man he is.

He fell apart up there on the (ok I'm not Jewish, bear with me here I only know the christian equivalent) altar. Speaking of how she was the most wonderful woman and his best friend. Her siblings including my ex got up there and spoke. I think in the 20 years I've known him it was the first time (except for when his cat died) I've ever seen him cry.

Drove the ex around to the burial and then back to his car. Had a chat with him. Think he was relieved to not be with his immediate family. He wishes it was him and not her, less collateral damage he said. He's probably right. No kids to leave with only one parent.

But man. That service was full. It's a big place, and the place was loaded with people. Amazing. People from work (she hadn't been there for 5 years, hadn't returned from maternity leave before she was diagnosed), friends, family, her doctors.

She was such a positive person. I heard a friend behind me say she talked to her a few days before she died. She couldn't walk 3 steps without being completely exhausted. Her friend asked her how she was and her response was "the best I've felt in a long time!". She was always fine.

We all affect everyone around us. I think that, if there is something good to take from someone young dying, that is what I take with me. What I learn from her.

You know, she had been given 6 months from the day she was diagnosed. And she lasted 4 years, from sheer will to live, try every treatment there was on the off chance it cured her, and see her child grow.

That's strength.