hockey!

Hockey game tonight!!! wooo hooo I cannot wait! Men on skates + ice = wonderfulness
!!!

Does that make me very Canadian?

Other than that I don't have a whole hell of a lot to say today. Work is busy, but I'm distracted, as usual.

Other than that, I am majorly sleep deprived, however my photos are all done. And maybe if you're lucky I'll post a couple.

Technodoll, this is how I do everything I have to do, I don't sleep. Except for naps on the weekends. That explains all, including my stock in under eye concealer....

Ok back to work and my job of daydreaming and looking like a glass of wine :)

exhaustion

Well.

It was bound to happen you know. Me, desk, half asleep.

Coffee....I'd like to mainline it....

Grace Potter & the Nocturnals. Amazing. Out of Burlington, VT....they rocked the house last night. Chick plays a freaking Flying V....fab. Photos to come when I get my ass in gear/get sleep/whichever.

Due to pass mess ups - dude from Gillette Entertainment and I are like *this*. Ok not really, but he did comment that I was batting 1000 this weekend, however the magic email from the management always does the trick! Same dude from The Stills.

He did recommend that I photograph Nick Cave on Thursday because he only comes here every 5-6 years, Jason Collett is here every 6 months or so. I need to go find Nick Cave's management now...gack.

Tomorrow I'm going to a Habs game. WOOOO HOOOOOO IT'S HOCKEY SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok really I should work.

Or something. :)

ooooo

guess what?

I can blog on my cell!

So I'm currently sitting at Café Campus waiting for Grace Potter & the Nocturnals to start.

And true to form...no photo pass but the dude from Gillette Entertainment recognized me from The Stills last night ... and I have an email from management....sooo.....

I slept all day. Need a vacation from my weekend AND still haven't done laundry or house work.

Oh wee.

Certainly won't be winning any Suzy Homemaker awards.

Heh

concert photography day #2

This is a 3 photography gig weekend. Phew. 2 down.

I am exhausted.

Tonight was The Stills, band picked by Sir Paul McCartney to open for them at the 400th annniversary of Quebec City. Big coup. Opening for them was a super band whose name escapes me right now, I'll get back to you tomorrow.

800 photos to edit and counting (actually more than that - sigh).

Will I EVER clean my house?

More later.....

Home

To anyone remotely worried , I'm here. Yes it's almost 2:30 am...that would be due to being stuck for almost an hour on the Ile aux Tourtes bridge in Vaudreuil, due to a jacknifed truck, I wonder if due to the ASSHOLE in the pick up truck that passed me around exit 26 in Hudson.

Pissing rain and dude is cutting me and others off doing 140 kmh (that's about 87 mph to you guys in the US). Idiot.

I hate people.

Anyway, concert was lovely, even if it did start very late, and at some point I'll get my photos edited and I'll write more tomorrow.

Bed with me.....later.

blahs

So. I'm off alone to Ontario...

Sigh.


So music, and Red Bull and coffee and I'll try not to sleep all the way to Wakefield.

Wish me luck.

I really wanna see Martin Tielli.

tgif and other tales of stupidity

Mrfmmmm

I am alive, and kicking and here. It's a miracle. I could have stayed in bed all day.

Tonight's drive should prove interesting, back and forth and side to side, all the way to Wakefield (which is Ottawa and then you drive north back into Quebec) and back again. I see 2 Red Bulls in my future (which apparently will cause long term damage to me....wooooohooooo!!!!!). Gym tomorrow morning should be special considering I won't have slept at all probably!

Wish I had company :( This is what I get for being musically adventurous!

Today Hot Coworker looks particularly hot as it's jeans day. Blue t-shirt and jeans...mmmmmmmm I'm such a slut. Actually he's been particularly aloof recently which doesn't work for me (actually not true he gave me the big grin and wave and "Hi Myself" across the office.....it's just not enough for me dammit!)

Ok I'm losing my mind.

Maybe I should get back to work. Maybe? Dumbass I am!

bla diddy bla

Ok it's finally Thursday. If I wasn't driving to Wakefield for Martin Tielli & Jenn Grant ALONE tomorrow, I'd go to karaoke, but I'll just stop in to see my friend G for a G & T and come home and sleeeeeepppppp.

Today I am a total klutz. I tripped over the toes of my shoes. They're my favorite brown shoes, made in Brazil (shut up), square toed, slip ons, but I always trip over the toes (I have clown feet to start with - size 10...woot). Trying to get out of the house this morning I knocked over a container of beads for my jewellery (not good) tipped over the foot high barricade I set up to keep the dogs out of the basement (short dogs), and caught my toes on the grass whilst dragging my recycling box to the curb.

I am soooo talented.

Get in this morning to a message from my favorite agent. From Brazil. Can you hear the sarcasm oozing from that statement, because this is the most irritating person alive. I need to go ask Hot Coworker how to write "please fuck off and die" in Portugese....she deserves it I tell you!

Sigh.

My Habbies won a game last night, and I forgot to watch. Oops. It's only exhibition anyway, not the end of the world, but I am soooo happy it's finally freaking hockey season, bring it on. Beer & hockey. Life is so very good.

Our new winter tire bullshit law. I swear the Quebec government is getting kickbacks from the tire industry....here's hoping the tires in my basement have a snowflake on 'em or it's going to cost me about $600 to get new rubber. NOT HAPPY. I pay goddamned $250 for my registration (yes those outside of Quebec, A YEAR!), which is also due in November. Think it's also the year I get to pay my license (another $90 bones).

GACK. That's really all I can say.

Why don't they just take my entire paycheque instead of pretending to let me spend the 60% I do see?

And that's about it in the world of moi.

Oh one thing. Why the hell am I not in the Papineau riding? Cuz let me tell ya right now, Justin Trudeau wins in the "hotness" category (yes American neighbors, we're having a federal election this year too, but you wouldn't think so considering all I hear about are Barack and McCain.... and sooooo don't get me started on that subject). But then again, I thought his dad was dead sexy (Pierre Elliott Trudeau if you aren't from here). Ran into him, he must have been 80 at the time, he winked at me and smilled and I swear to you I was maybe 20 at the time and would have done the dude right there and then on Guy & Rene Levesque!

Just sayin.

Ok. I think I'll crawl back to work now.

all praise hump day

Not much to tell at the moment, busy as shit at work, got a few new clients, go me! Finally, was starting to feel extrememly ineffective for a bit there!


Did a free photography job for a friend's band. Sometimes I want to throttle people. I'm good a photoshop in terms of photo editing, when it comes to making posters etc, not so much. So I did them a favor and made a poster out of my photo....took me hours to get their logo off the JPG it was in etc etc, and now they want this bigger, that smaller etc.

Who do I whack first? Them cuz it's a free jobbie (and my photo is smashing) or myself for being an idiot?

Sigh.

Sometimes it does NOT pay to be nice.

Ok lunch. Cuz I'm dying here.

Friday night fame

So, I think yesterday I said I would fill you all in on my Friday night.

Got stuck in MAJOR traffic on my way downtown, stupid traffic, ridiculous traffic. Traffic that made me want to get the hell out of my car and drag the asshole that yelled at me for letting one car not 5 in front of me out of his car and rip his head off so he could watch me beat the crap out of him for being a complete BUTTHEAD!

Sigh.

My temper.

Milles excuses....

Anyhoodles. Finally get down to the parking, slam my car into a spot, pay the dude that has gotten to know me well now (all the smaller music venues in Montreal are very close to each other) and run to Metropolis because I'm figuring I may be late, and everything can go wrong when you get a photo pass, as in the person with the passes not informing anyone that you are coming!

Pick up my ticket from the box office (you don't usually get a free ticket when the acts are small, which is fine, they need to pay the bills and I generally don't photograph anyone I'm not interested in listening to anyway). Melissa Ferrick's tour manager had told me that the pass would be at the box office. However it was not.

Understand that generally speaking, security sees a camera with a lens like mine and it's out the door you go or you leave the camera at the box office unless you have a pass.....so I'm pretty bent out of shape, until the security guy points to this dude coming out of the venue and says "He seems to know all, ask him".

So I say "any idea who has the photo passes?". Dude looks at me and says "um nooooo", then laughs and says "You are Myself, you are *it* tonight for photographers so go right on in". And proceeds to tell me that he liked my Derek Trucks photos on my website. Wow.

I get into the venue. Now. Melissa is an out lesbian, so very much like the Melissa Etheridge show I figured that there would be quite a few in attendance at this show.

I was not disappointed.

I figure there were about 150 women there. Four of us were straight. The rest were not. And of the straight girls, one was me, one was the tour manager for the opening act Andrew Ripp Band, and the other two were there to see Melissa.

As for guys, six, tour manager of Melissa, two guys from the Andrew Ripp Band, the bartender and the two boyfriends of the two straight girls!

Andrew Ripp Band was amazing. Seriously, what a great choice for Melissa's opening act. And what a daunting prospect this guy going out there knowing fully well they are Melissa fans, and knowing full well he's playing to a house of women that *don't* find him as cute as he is (see below photo!). Really wowed me he did.




Photographed him for the requisite 3 songs even though I didn't have a limit from his management, I don't feel it fair to stick a camera in an artist's face all night....regardless...listened for the rest of the time. Fantaqstic.

So Le Savoy is a small room in Metropolis, the act has to go thru the crowd to get to the stage, Andrew saw me, and stopped and said "oh! I'll be back to talk to you!". We had a quick 2 email correspondence on Myspace while I was looking for an email addy for his management. Anyhoo, he came back and thanked me for taking photos and introduced me to his tour manager. They were all super.

I felt like bloody royalty!

Then Melissa was on.



Teensy little thing, big voice, phenomenal guitarist, and hilarious, the stories, I can't even describe them, she is bloody funny. She's got more than one cd out, having been dropped by a large label a while ago, and makes a go of it herself with her own label. I love that. The system fucks you, fuck the system back.

Regardless of the tunes of love and loss being written from the perspective of woman to woman, it's the eternal story and it works for everyone, regardless of your sexual orientation.

I was floored. Really.

There is so much amazing music out there that people just don't know about, and if it's not on the top 40, no one listens, and these musicians are amazing, fantastic, prolific, ultimate musicians....it's like Six Shooter Records tag line says - "Because life's too short to listen to shitty music".

Amen.

I will not be a lemming.

Anyhoo, when she was done, I said goodbye to her tour manager, bid a fond farewell to the Andrew Ripp Band bunch and said "the straight girl contingent will be leaving now!", and left to laughs all over.

This weekend coming, it's out to Wakefield Friday to see Martin Tielli with Jenn Grant opening at the Black Sheep Inn (Six Shooter artist, my fav label!), Saturday The Stills (the Montreal band handpicked by Paul McCartney to open for him in Quebec City).....and Sunday night Grace Potter & the Nocturnals, who I saw perform with Derek Trucks, what a voice!

I love my hobby!

the kids

Well seeing as Technodoll asked, here's a photo of one of my hammies, this is Mabel, she's very friendly. Emmy won't dare let me touch her she turns over on her back and hisses at me. Or bites me. Yeehaw.


Also included is a lovely shot of Tama...the cat. Or Tamalamadingdong as I call her frequently.


And this is Bungee. Or beastie from hell as I like to call him


This is Iggy. He likes to burrow. Loves it actually, his favorite pastime.


And this is Vince.

Happy now? Only ones missing are the turtles Speedy & Gonzales, and Emmy the finger biting hammie.

and.....

It's the weekend.

Thank kerist.

Today is happy happy sing along with the music just a little louder day!


So, Melissa Ferrick tonight, will try not to look too attractive to the ladies since I don't swing that way, and the Andrew Ripp Band....I love taking photos, this weekend is all about music and photos, I ask for nothing more - the things I love most in life other than my family and friends!

Woot!

more useless babble

Shipment from hell left Memphis. You may not understand that, but tis a good thing, means it'll be there today and it's due tomorrow. It's ALLLLLLL good! Phew! My hard work/hissy fit did the job.

Slight migraine today, not really sure why, makes no sense, but I am feeling the head pain.

Website is proving usefull, racked up a 3rd gig to photograph a band.

Would be happy as shite to go home right now, I think I need more sleep, but sadly, that's not in the cards.

Personal training yesterday, we had a frank discussion about my stommach. I've lost everywhere except the area between my boobs and belly button and it's pissing me off in a big way. BIG WAY. I don't get it, so we get to work more seriously on that area as it's bothering me greatly. I've lost all this weight and yet I see a photo of myself and still look like a cow even though I know my pants are what? 5 sizes smaller than a year ago?

Grrrr. Bodies. I'd like someone else's please.

Bell Canada

I am going to scream.

Disconnected my home phone number after a series of disconnections that essentially resulted in the following "oops, it's an error, we shouldn't have done that" and having my account credited.

I'm still being billed.

I swear I'm going to scream.

And do you think that the disconnection department can tell me the date they disconnected it finally? Or rather cancelled it? Geezus christ I wanna scream.

All on a busy work day.

Yeehaw.

**** UPDATE****

Dude in the disconnection department found out for me that I will credit all charges from the end of July to now and to wait for the bill - he organized that for me.

God bless him.

you had me at hello?

It's going to be a completely insane day, something has gone completely wrong already, wonderful.

Sometimes I miss this sort of insanity and sometimes I'm glad I don't encounter it that often anymore. I guess that's why I like the transport business.

So I replaced my swing dance classes with a jazz dance class with the same teacher, but different night, no more fucked up schedule, I hate when work interferes with my outside life, I think that it sucks the life out of you to be all work no fun. I like to balance my fun. It's important.

Ok. Off to straighten out a mess. Yeehaw.

discoveries

I've figured a few things out, or rather discovered a few things over the past week or so

1) I'm freaking shy for no reason

2) I don't mind a man being complimentary and chivalrous if I like them enough

3) hamsters bite....HARD! little bitch - I'm trying to get the baby to get used to me, up to now she's just given my fingers a bit of a nip, but she bit down last night. Ouch! See hammies are pretty blind close up and if my hand smells like food.....yeah, have to remember to wash my hands before I go to do training with her.

4) I am a fucking amazing cook and just don't do it enough

5) I need to be better with the moolah

6) I take some pretty fucking amazing photos.

7) I say fuck a hell of a lot, but we all knew that didn't we?

Yeah ok so there you have it.

I was going to take a swing dance class, but work messed that sucker up for me, what else is new. The bunch of us in the car started a discussion on Saturday which was somewhat uncomfy for me because I'm management - concerning salary - and I felt a need to defend the fact that I make more money then they do (we have salary classifications here, so they know the range of my job's salary - what they don't know is I'm close to the top of it), and why I make that much money. Case in point. Work is interfering with my dance class. They don't have that. I do, and there's nothing I can do about it.

So next semester of swing class. Piss me off.

Suppose I need to get back to work. Sigh.

evening calm-down

Well today was a busy one at work, concerning which I have no objections, that makes me happy does being busy.

I actually didn't konk out, but right about now I'm thinking on the idea. But I have to cook myself something to eat, think I'll have eggs of some description, and need to cook some soup.

Well I don't need soup, but I want lentil soup. Had some the other night and it was yummy, so I want some now.

I am photographing a concert on Friday night, Melissa Ferrick, with the Andrew Ripp Band opening. Looking forward to it. (me and the indie artists!). My new website has proven useful, since having it up and running, I have gotten every photo pass I've asked for.

Also have a gig photographing a friend's band, they need a shot for their poster, I have a few ideas, and the unofficial band leader and I seem to agree on it. I like black & white.

For some reason I'm looking forward to work tomorrow.

Ok back to lentil soup!

lalalalalalalalalaaaaaa

Ok.

I'm alive. Seriously. I am.

It's also 1:30 am and I'm blogging. This is what snoozing does.

I did NOT do my 10 km walk due to the rain I woke up to. I object to muddy/wet feet, always have, always will....I'll get blisters and not be able to get half way thru the walk.

They got their moolah, and my feet are ok, that's all I find to be important!

So. Tired from yesterday, it was horrible waking up this morning. But all had fun I think/hope....

I took a whole whack of photos, looked at them all today.

I will share one thing with you though, and that is this:



Yep. That's an Ottawa police officer.

I have many other photos of more of 'em, but this is the only one without a face. Cuz, you know they'll be pissed and come arrest me if I post photos of 'em.

Alrighty. I really should go to bed. And I'm babbly because it's almost 2 am.

NOW I need to sleep.

Did ya like the picture though?

exhausted

Just got back from downtown, took photos......got back from the plane pull challenger at about 6 tonight, our team didn't do too well - but had fun, I hope and think we may do it again next year!


Now I'm going to bed. Tomorrow is another day, and if it doesn't rain, I'm walking 10 k....so....laterhosen!

disclaimer

I won't be around much this weekend, so I'll attempt to blog maybe Sunday, but with my schedule I'm expecting that I'll be unconcious by that point....booo!

Tonight, dinner with friends, out to see other friends play with previous friends, then tomorrow off to Odderblah for the plane pull (go TEAM!) ooooogling of hot men's butts, then home, quick shower get ready, to a friend's party with another friend (appearance only) and then out to see a U2 tribute band at Hurley's downtown (have I mentioned I hate U2? the things I do for friends), and then Sunday morning I have my 10 km walk for the Heart & Stroke Foundation which I will NOT do if it's pouring because I seriously object to being wet in any way shape or form (if it doesn't involve sex that is, and seriously, it's me, we know it doesn't involve sex!).

And..........then I pass out.

I seriously need to cook some meals for quick reheating for the week, but I know that ain't gonna happen.

Good thing I enjoy yogurt and green peppers.

This is why my personal trainer from hell says I'm not getting enough protein.

Unless he's planning on coming over and cooking for me this weekend, he can fuck off. I'll drink those stupid hemp protein shakes (this girl can't have whey, and I drink 'em with soya milk, oh yay me) and live with it til I'm conscious enough to make food.

Next weekend. After photographing a few concerts.

Why do I do this to myself.

So. I'll be checking into your bloggies, but as for mine, you may only get a snippet.

And I'm snippy. It's the cold + too much to do.

And lack of sex.

Goddamnit.

swinging & more teeth

Blogger is being a total bitch today, am I the only one that this is happening to?

Anyway.

In the tale of the teeth, mine are fabulously white, so much so that I noticed when I went to apply some lip gloss this morning, they were glowing back at me. I think I drink too much coffee, so the Listerine Whitening Strips helped IMMENSELY! I think the trick is to put them on before bed, then I give them time to do their thing, and that's helped also!

Totally cool. I guess teeth that have been around 40 years (yikes) get yellowed eh? Even though mine are pretty close to perfect all on their own.

So the swinging! Last night I tried a swing dance class with a girlfriend. OMG we had fun. What was not fun was some of the men, however, some were very good or absolutely terrible - there really wasn't an in between truthfully.

A little back ground on me, I was a country line dancing teacher, advanced stuff, so dancing steps are not beyond me (envision a dancing elephant, I'm actually quite good at it). However, I'm used to dancing alone except for a few salsa classes I've taken here or there. Anyway, it was alot of fun, and if we had freaking partners, E and I would go. So we're on the list hoping a couple single men join, and E emailed every single male she knows "looking for 2 good men" to come dancing with us.

Ah. The being single thing again. Actually E isn't single, but her significant other laughed at the idea....sooooo......for all intents and purposes that makes her single for swing dance!

I'm surprised I can write this, cold #4 for the summer (it's technically still summer), I'm coming out of my NyQuil fog right now. Could have happily killed the small animal that saw fit to wake me at 6 am this morning (and promptly told him to get under the covers and go to sleep it was too fucking early). Trying an echinecea treatment this time and hoping it works, I have an insane weekend coming up. Friend playing Friday night, plane pull Saturday, friends playing Saturday night, 10 km walk for the Heart & Stroke Association on Sunday.

Then I pass out completely.

Or die.

Whichever comes first.

tabernac

Yes, any of you Quebecer's that read that, I mean it.

On Saturday my company have a team in this in Ottawa. I am the team captain - and I've conned a whole hell of a lot of co workers to do this.

So of course we're carpooling.

intimidation

I'm reading this book which is called "Why Men Love Bitches" which a girlfriend of mine suggested to me with the proviso that "you already do everything they say to, but it's a good read". Basically the premise is not to get too invested when you're first dating someone, not to be too available, not answer calls or emails from the man in question immediately - not to play hard to get per se, but to remain your own person while dating someone, remain a strong and independent woman.

My girlfriend is right, I innately have this stuff pretty much down pat already, I don't drop friends/gym/work because of a man, I have turned down dates pretty much because I have a million other things to do, and have a policy of never going out with a guy on a "same night" date...um...no.

However when in the relationship, I do tend to get lost, and if anything goes past one date ever again, perhaps I'll get to test my new skills.

Anyway, all of the above notwithstanding - I had one fear of mine confirmed to me the other night. Bunch of us went out to watch a friend play at a local restaurant/bar, we were out in force to support her because she was opening for her c@ck-sucking ex boyfriend, and needed us there with her.

Our waiter was a really nice, cute, but semi-shy guy, who she says never talks to anyone, but for some reason (this always happens) dude felt easy with me and we were yakking.

He was telling me about his girlfriend, who makes mid-six figures, and how he's actually emasculated by the fact that she makes more money than he does. Someone asked him if he would change anything about her, his answer was that he wished she had no money. She's a professional of some sort, from his comments, I'm assuming a high powered lawyer.

He said the one and only thing that would make him break up with her is his own insecurities, that he knows it's dumb, but it makes him feel like less of a man, less of a person because she's a high powered whatever making hundreds of thousands a year, and he's just a lowly waiter making pittance.

This is my biggest fear. Laid right out in front of me. Confirmed to me.

Now I don't make that kind of money, I'm just a bit of a way away from 6 figures (however getting there slowly), but I am a national manager for a huge American company that is known to just about every person alive. I own my own house, alone. My own car. I'm not suffering for cash. I can pay for my own $50 dinner with drinks no problemo. Couple times a week if I had to.

Now. When asked what I do for a living, I downplay it usually, just say I work for X company, no commentary on what I do there unless pressed on the subject, so as not to scare 'em off, but inevitably it comes up at some point. And there's this look they get for some reason.

And then I never hear from them again.

Part of my problem is that as far as I'm concerned, I really don't care what a guy does for a living, as long as he does something and can support himself. If he's a garbage man, that's fine (and those guys almost make as much as I do for the city of Montreal anyway, give or take 20 grand). But what happens when I meet a workie kind of guy is that he says to me "oh, you're a big corporate chick?" and things go downhill from there.

Well, considering I worked my ass off to get to this point, I'm not planning on making any apologies to anyone about it, however, does this mean I can't date anyone other than a lawyer or a doctor because they make more than I do?

And let's face facts. I'm not trophy wife material. I am in no way the hot chick that a well off dude can get on his arm.

I thought being independent was a good thing, apparently I missed the memo that says a woman can't earn more or be in a higher position than a man.

Apparently, I'm fucked if I do, and fucked if I don't.

Or rather not fucked :)

yep

I'm about to whine again. So if that's not what you want to read at this point, you can bail out now.

Still have this estied migraine. Going to try a friend's trick, Tylenol 1 Extra Strength with codeine's and a Red Bull. Wish me luck. If nothing else my house should be clean by the end of the evening due to my energy level.

Actually, like coffee, Red Bulls do nothing for me, in fact, I personally think that they taste like aircraft lavatory fluid, and I could go right to bed after drinking one. But hopefully the caffeine level in it will help in combo with the pills.

Another wave of severe loneliness today. I know I wrote before that the world was roaring by, time going too quickly, but by the same token, I feel like it's floating along swimmingly for everyone but myself.

Oh woe is me?

Naw not really. I guess it's just that I don't totally understnad what's going on, how I ended up in the situation I'm in.

It's not bad. I have a great job, my own home, a car, great friends, family that are far enough away that I don't want to smother them in their sleep. My dogs, my cat, my turtles, my hamsters.

And yet. I'm by myself.

I met a guy this weekend, but not with the purpose of dating, he's not available (not married or taken or anything, just a situation he's in right now) for a while yet, just a friend friend. Other than that, I'm not going to say much more about him in particular, except to say that he's a really nice guy, and we have alot in common. We'll hang out in future.

I just wonder why it is that timing, situations, terrible men (sorry, but alot of them were, and they have no excuses that would make what they did ok), has hindered this part of my life so badly.

I'm good at work. Good at getting jobs, good at working at them. And I've worked myself up to a good position.

But I just can't manage to meet someone that would like to get to know me as much as I would like to get to know them. Geezus. I couldn't get someone to sleep with me if I tried right now (well...yeah I could, but chances are those are the dudes that you couldn't even pay me to go near).

I'm in the best shape I've been in my life, I'm busy, always active, always running around doing things, seeing people, having fun. Not like I spend my life thinking I'm shit....my confidence is pretty high (with exception of me being the queen of self deprecating humor).

And yet. Of everyone I know, I'm just about the only single one left. No one has gone anywhere near as long as I have.

Sigh. Loneliness will be my undoing one day.

normal?

Ok, I'm not back to normal, but I'm regaining some normalcy.

I can't take the migraines. I swear to you, that's all it's been all summer. I'm starting to get a bit despondent. Apparently (because I read about this particular ailment all the time), they suspect that depression and migraines may be linked and somehow this doesn't totally surprise me. In my family, those of us that do or have in the past suffered from depression are the migraine sufferers. My one sister without migraines has never had any depression issues in her life.

Interesting. And yet? I'd prefer it was someone else's head.

I boged off work today, my little fuckit to the world.

Nothing much else to report except an unhealthy love of small rodents. They're just so sweet.

yet another ode

To my migraine

Please fuck off and die
or could I die?
I've had you 3 days
wasn't 1 enough?
Piss off and let me exist
instead of wanting to curl up

the end

I wish.

weekend hell?

Yeah so it's the weekend.

Big frickin deal.

Except for being off from work, what makes it different from the rest of the week exactly?

I do nothing, I go nowhere, I see no one that I really care to see.

More of the same.

What else is new?

really? not even 3 yet?

I'm stuck in this place for another 2 hours 10 mins. Someone shoot me in the head please.

I have a migraine, I am starving hungry (we had a corn roast, but one hotdog without bun and an ear of corn isn't enough for me....) and the wind outside the office is scary.

Also, I got up at about 7:30, walked the dogs, and it was freaking cold out. Now, forecast was for 39 C - but I figured "ok it's cold" so I wore jeans and a 3/4 arm length t-shirt.

It was SWELTERING out there.

Probably the cause of the migraine also.

Friends. I'm tired of them. I have good ones. And I have some that I'm not very happy with and am wondering if I should relegate to "aquaintance" status. One trying to make me feel guilty about missing her birthday party next week (which is more than a month before her birthday I may note) and the other doing everything she can to make me feel inadequate because I'm still single and she's not.

Do I really need this shit?

I have a newer set of friends that are fabulous, childless and my age (which really does work for me) and just as fun and irreverent as I am. I say newer because most of them I met thru a woman who I met when I was about 19...when she was first here from Northern Ontario. We sort of rekindled a friendship and have been having a blast ever since. She's a musician, an artist, and I can really get down with that with my personal love of all arty & musical.

So, I'm thinking, perhaps drop these other two. One of them is always hanging with a sister that absolutely hates me, so that's not an option.

Ah life. It's so much fun.

Interpersonal relationships irritate the crap out of me sometimes. Why can't people just be laid back like I am? People say I always say what's on my mind too much, seriously...wouldn't that make life so much easier? Because chick stuff? Not so much.

bah

Tired.

Crabby.

Bitchy.

I want a glass of wine. Like now. Maybe I will, I have about 20 bottles of it, and I so rarely drink it, like, ever. I'm more of a wine collector. *looks about whistling....*

Yeah like this bitch has a clue about wine. I know what I like, what is considered "good", what everyone else likes, I could give a flying crap.

Just came home from karaoke. At which I did NOT sing. Ungh. Just so not in the mood, haven't been for a while. Which is not me, but is truly an indicaton of where my head has been recently. Actually I'm not entirely sure where that is, but I'm sure I'll find it eventually.

I just realized that I did summer number 8 single. How sad is that?

Eight years. Wow.

And now going into Christmas number 8 single. I can feel it. Last year I sat at home alone and cried. I wasn't sure that it would be possible to be that depressed. But perhaps this year might be worse.

Oh well. Not like there's a hell of a lot I can do about it.

As all you dear readers know, I'm not the person to be running around finding some guy to fill the void (get your minds out of the gutter.....there's not enough room for my brain). And so. I'll probably spend another Christmas alone.

Yey.


See. There's rhyme and reason to all the living beings in my house. They keep me total company. I loves them.

Yeah so I ran away from karaoke. All the sickening happy couples showed. And I was outta there. There's also this creepy couple that caused my friend heartache, omg it was a bad situation, they were online stalking and impersonating her. Anyway. I can't even look at them. Ever. Bastards. They show and I'm gone. I know it's not my fight, but I know I have no respect for these creeps.

So I'm home blogging and working on my website, watching Grey's Anatomy. Ah my life.

So exciting.

white gnashers & hammies!

Ladies, germs, thanks to Technodoll, I am now doing this Matchstick.ca trial for the Whitening Listerine Strips, and you know what? They're kinda good!

I have never used any of those things, except toothpaste before, so I had no idea what to expect and frankly they're not that bad at all, taste isn't horrible, they're gone within not too long, and easy to put on (once I figured it out, cuz, if you put the top strip on, you start your saliva glands going and what happens then is that the bottom one gets stuck to your lip or rather anything but your teeth, in my case that is - I'm an idiot, it's ok, I'm aware).

So I have nothing to base my experience on except to say that I think they worked. Almost after the first day.

That's good right?

Anyways....if you clickey clickey on the above link you can get some samples yourself, and try 'em out and then let me know what you guys think!

I love free stuff, and I like trying new things, and these are quite easy, none of the paint stuff involved (I don't think I have the patience for that, or I'd end up with really nice white lips and nose....again, I'm an idiot, it's alright, I'm good with it!)

Ok enough with me being an idiot.

So I ended up not getting only one, but 2 hamsters. One is 8 months old and she is SWEET, I mean really sweet, loves being held, just thrives on it, and the other is about 4 months old and isn't quite so thrilled, but will become so and looks like a little mouse. Cuties.

So I now have 8 animals.

Yep. You read that right.

2 are rodents, 2 are reptiles, but 8.

Yup.

Good thing I own a house eh?

Photos to come when they've moved into new digs, the older one needs a bigger house than I have for her, and a bigger wheel, so I think deluxe multi-level houses are in order for both.

Oh and I could have come home with everything from the SPCA and cried on my way out and all the way home.

Yeah. Now you know why I have 8 other residents in my home.

addition to the family

Cuz 3 dogs, 1 cat and 2 turtles isn't enough, I'm adopting me one of these from the SPCA tonight. Have to go shopping for a home today....very excited.

I always wanted a hamster, but my mother wouldn't let me when I was a kid. I am afraid of what will happen when he/she dies, they don't last long, I cry when fish die, but, I'd like this experience.

I'm also worried about the dogs causing this poor thing Wet Tail....which is caused by stress, think I might have to take him up to my bedroom so he can wander in his little exercise ball.....the dogs will think that ball is super interesting, and I don't want to kill him, they cause enough stress to the turtles (imagine Dachshund standing on back legs dancing around the turtle tank barking at them as they stack on top of eachother to bask in their "sun").

I figure if I'm going to be single, do it right.

Crazy cat/dog/reptile/rodent lady of Montreal.

bitchology

So. How much bitch is too much bitch?

A friend of mine says cutting Facebook not-so-cutie was probably a mistake. That I should never burn bridges bla bla bla....of course this is also the same friend that is allowing a guy that broke up with her to come back into her life and play with her heart, same person that keeps exes on her MSN for the ego boost it gives her, same friend that doesn't want to offend anyone male.

Me? I offend males often in my daily life :) It's so par for the course. No one is free of my scathing sarcasm.

But people tell me that I'm so down on men and so down on relationships that it's no wonder that I'm single. Of course, this is coming from the above mentioned man that is taking my friend for a ride (in my opinion), I am not the kind of girl that he would date, due to the fact that I am not the type to take his shit.

That being said, am I too harsh? Am I too quick to dismiss a man? I know on dating sites I have a tendency to delete most emails I get, but they're usually from the kind of man that I wouldn't date anyway - I don't want to sound racist or anything, but african american men do nothing for me, and I don't date men from the mediteranean or middle-east because that would result in a fight (I am not a very submissive woman, and my past experiences with these men resulted in fights as they tried to quash me).

And, due to my big ass, these are the men that tend to run after me.

There are others that tell me because I'm tall, because I'm overweight, that limits my possibilities.

Oh and then there's the almost 40 issue.

What's a girl to do? It's not like I'm that picky, anyone who's been here long enough has seen my list of what I want in a man, and I really don't think I'm asking too much.

Apparently the universe does.

My horrorscope today told me to put romance on the back burner that there's tonnes of time for that.

Really? I want to date next when I'm 50? Because, truthfully, I'd rather this not happen to me if that's quite alright....

Anyway.

I just sometimes wonder if I'm as much of a cow as men seem to think I am....but then I remember who is saying how difficult I am, and I realize that it's them, not me.

I still remain the single one however!

I'm getting to be a bigger bitch in my old age

So, as I stated in my comments, I got rid of the Facebook cutie. Why? Cuz. If he wanted to meet me, he would have done so by now, and frankly, I don't hope well, so why bother hoping at all right?

I've decided to be the bitch (well , I am reading "Why Men Love Bitches" so I guess it makes sense?), wrote him a little note explaining and deleted him from both my Facebook and my msn.

See polite email:

"I'm cleaning house of all the people that I don't know at all/very well etc on my Facebook, and sorry to say you're one of them....

Thought you might maybe want to get to know me, but I guess not... so....hope you start to feel better, and all the best in the future, and you know how to get ahold of me if you want to, but I won't hold my breath (I don't look good in blue!)

Bye!"

Oh well. Another possibility bites the dust.

Sadly, I'm getting used to this.

I don't know how I remain sane

The business I'm in. We're nuts. We move freight. My specialty is air. Our clients are for the most part difficult (and those that are we absolutely love and adore) and people ask us for next to impossible things.

21 foot long pieces into Delhi India are not something that can be moved quickly. It's quicker than ocean freight, which takes 40 days or more, but 7 days in airfreight is a long time. 10 days even longer. Three weeks is insane.

Without going into the intricacies, a shipment went wrong, and I've fielded emails and calls from India all morning. Been here since 7:30, which if you know me, is major, because I'm usually at least a 1/2 hour late for work.

I want to kill a few people, starting with the airline's Montreal handling agent. Worst part? Airline I used to work for. So I been bustin ass.

Then we lost a big shipment to our evil competitor. Yeehaw. I knew we would, but the powers that be over here always hope stupidly.

Can I go home now?

Oh. The Facebook cutie. FYI, he's been with the flu since he got home from his mother's. Apparently went online and left the computer online all day while he laid on the bathroom floor. *snort*. I still however am not sure we are going to ever get together, which is a huge shame, but the way it is.

My tarot cards keep telling me that romance is imminent.

So imminent in fact, they started tell me that about 4 months ago.

I'm still waiting.

Jeezus.

Ok back to bustin butts and taking names and generally wishing I had a job at the local dep for the same money I get paid here (as IF!). There has to be an easier way to make a living I swear to you.....

bad bad blogger

I know I've been a super lazy blogger, and so I'm going to try to write on a daily basis at least. I usually get the urge at work when faced with something I don't want to do, and I don't get the urge when I'm down and feeling particularly negative, which has been most of this week. Particularly this weekend.

I sort of feel like all I do is whine. But I try not to burden people in real life with my excessively shitty love life (or lack thereof), so it has a tendency to come out here.

It really isn't all I think about, really, there are a million and one things that go through my mind that have nothing to do with my relationship status.

Guess it just seems to be the one thing that I can do absolutely nothing about. Seriously. Nothing.

So. In lieu of someone to enjoy a meal with, do things with, cuddle with, just spend time with, I'll sit and work on my photography website, because I plan on bagging a photo pass for Beck, and hopefully Jim Cuddy opening for Sheryl Crow (and maybe Sheryl Crow if they let me).

Cuz that's really all I've got at this point.

Back to it. HTML makes my head hurt.

****

Due to the above and the fact that none of my girlfriends are available for breakfast, I'm eating ice cream for brekkie. Not good for the diet. Not good for my mental state. But that's the way it's going to be peeples.