Wednesday, September 10, 2008


I'm reading this book which is called "Why Men Love Bitches" which a girlfriend of mine suggested to me with the proviso that "you already do everything they say to, but it's a good read". Basically the premise is not to get too invested when you're first dating someone, not to be too available, not answer calls or emails from the man in question immediately - not to play hard to get per se, but to remain your own person while dating someone, remain a strong and independent woman.

My girlfriend is right, I innately have this stuff pretty much down pat already, I don't drop friends/gym/work because of a man, I have turned down dates pretty much because I have a million other things to do, and have a policy of never going out with a guy on a "same night"

However when in the relationship, I do tend to get lost, and if anything goes past one date ever again, perhaps I'll get to test my new skills.

Anyway, all of the above notwithstanding - I had one fear of mine confirmed to me the other night. Bunch of us went out to watch a friend play at a local restaurant/bar, we were out in force to support her because she was opening for her c@ck-sucking ex boyfriend, and needed us there with her.

Our waiter was a really nice, cute, but semi-shy guy, who she says never talks to anyone, but for some reason (this always happens) dude felt easy with me and we were yakking.

He was telling me about his girlfriend, who makes mid-six figures, and how he's actually emasculated by the fact that she makes more money than he does. Someone asked him if he would change anything about her, his answer was that he wished she had no money. She's a professional of some sort, from his comments, I'm assuming a high powered lawyer.

He said the one and only thing that would make him break up with her is his own insecurities, that he knows it's dumb, but it makes him feel like less of a man, less of a person because she's a high powered whatever making hundreds of thousands a year, and he's just a lowly waiter making pittance.

This is my biggest fear. Laid right out in front of me. Confirmed to me.

Now I don't make that kind of money, I'm just a bit of a way away from 6 figures (however getting there slowly), but I am a national manager for a huge American company that is known to just about every person alive. I own my own house, alone. My own car. I'm not suffering for cash. I can pay for my own $50 dinner with drinks no problemo. Couple times a week if I had to.

Now. When asked what I do for a living, I downplay it usually, just say I work for X company, no commentary on what I do there unless pressed on the subject, so as not to scare 'em off, but inevitably it comes up at some point. And there's this look they get for some reason.

And then I never hear from them again.

Part of my problem is that as far as I'm concerned, I really don't care what a guy does for a living, as long as he does something and can support himself. If he's a garbage man, that's fine (and those guys almost make as much as I do for the city of Montreal anyway, give or take 20 grand). But what happens when I meet a workie kind of guy is that he says to me "oh, you're a big corporate chick?" and things go downhill from there.

Well, considering I worked my ass off to get to this point, I'm not planning on making any apologies to anyone about it, however, does this mean I can't date anyone other than a lawyer or a doctor because they make more than I do?

And let's face facts. I'm not trophy wife material. I am in no way the hot chick that a well off dude can get on his arm.

I thought being independent was a good thing, apparently I missed the memo that says a woman can't earn more or be in a higher position than a man.

Apparently, I'm fucked if I do, and fucked if I don't.

Or rather not fucked :)


Technodoll said...

Well the solution is pretty obvious... you need to start looking for guys in your own class.

I'm not joking.

Forget the xbox knob jockies, the waiters, the bag boys at Provigo - go for style! The business owners, managers, lawyers and doctors and the like.

Like shooting fish in a barrel, hun.

myself said...

Cept the problem is that they would not have me....this has been proven time and time again. I'm not blonde enough :) The waistline isn't small enough.

Destined to be single.

S'ok. I bought stock in Duracell.


myself said...

Also realized what I snoot I sound like.

It took almost going bankrupt for me to get where I am, 2 1/2 years ago that's what I was staring at thanks to my ex husband, I worked hard at this, I had 7 jobs in 7 years to get this salary....worked 4 at one time for a bit....

I don't take any of it for granted, I sit back and wonder how I managed not to go crazy in the meantime trying to fix the mess that was my life...

And I am only comfortable. Nothing more. No longer freak out about buying a pair of pants on sale (cuz who doesn't love a $15 pair of work pants?)