Had a lazy Fete St Jean. I think I've slept 12 hours today, and still tired.
The HH. Meh. Stay tuned. I don't know what to do or think, so I've decided to do nothing. Unfortunately I think about him constantly. My girlfriend says he came back for a reason, and it's usually closure. I ain't feelin' any of that right now. i'm completely mixed up, can't understand why he would do what he's done, make all the effort, and then be romancing someone else at the same time via email.
But. I guess I don't get much do I?
I've just decided to leave it alone. I think/know he hasn't told this other woman the truth in alot of instances, but has he lied to me? My gut says no. But who the hell knows?
See I had this boyfriend about a year and a half ago. If you can call him that. He ended up being a very good liar, pretty much compulsive, and a crack addict, functioning crack addict. So my trust....not so good. In fact, it takes alot for a man to earn my trust.
Thought he'd done that and wanted to make an effort.
I have the urge to ask him what he wants from me. But I'm thinking that is showing my hand a bit too much. As though I actually care. I don't like appearing that way.
Geez. Two weeks of happy and here I sit, unhappy. Watched 2 romantic movies that I cried the whole way through, reinstated my online dating profile (I disable it frequently due to the large amount of men only wanting sex from me, which is not something that I will jump into so screw them), and I sit wondering what's wrong with me.
I know what's wrong with me. Most men profess to want a strong, confident, self-sufficient woman. And when they meet one, don't know what to do with her.
Doesn't mean I don't have my soft side. It just means that I'm smart enough to not trust every idiot out there, and it takes some time to get to know me.
If he was interested, he'd make more of an effort. He's made none in the past week and a bit.
Screw it all.
So I had a poutine and a trip to DQ. It makes the sex cravings go away.
Kiss cravings? That would make me happy, I don't ask for much at this point truthfully. From an employed guy that heats my loins...would be nice.