Thursday, July 9, 2009

and time goes on

Sigh.

I don't even know if August is happening. Sigh. Dammitall. CRAP!

He thinks he'll be offered a new job tomorrow, and will take it. DAMMITTTTTTALLLLLLLLL!

I know. It's selfish of me. I am well aware. No matter what he needs a job. But I wanted him to come visit meeee, because if I go over there, he'll be working during the day. I can at least take time off for his visit, so we can actually spend some time together.

Big assed sigh.

Sorry, I've waited 15 years for this. I want it to happen. Just to see. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering "what if?". I have already done alot of that in respect to the Brit in the past. Believe me when I tell you that during my marriage, this was a thought in my mind, what would have happened if I'd left my ex and moved to the UK to be with the Brit?

This has to happen. We have to get together.

Of course, all of the above intensity cannot come across in our communications, I'm sure it comes off as desperation.

He had given up. You guys are well aware I had given up. We'd be idiots to not try.

Then there's that logistical issue. I own a house, have a good job, and most importantly have 15 pets.

He will probably have a job, has a house, and is very close to his family.

If this works out, who makes a move?

I can live and work in the UK with a simple visa....(I don't need a work permit there), and he can't work here without a permit. And then there's the french issue.

My house is big enough for a family. His is big enough for one person. Two if you squeeze.

Cost of living is not too terrible here. It's insane over there.

Jobs aren't horrible here, they're tough to come by over there, even in my industry, especially at my salary range (I've checked already....oh shut up!)

Yep. We haven't even re-met yet and this crap is running through my brain keeping me up at night among other things that need to get straightened out (um, my divorce, taxes, and there's something else I can't remember). I can't sell this place and clear my debt unless I get things like the kitchen done. I have stuff to pay. Money to save.

I am so good at freaking myself out aren't I?

Well part of the clean up is going to occur this weekend, I'm doing a garage sale Saturday morning I've decided, get rid of some of the shit I've had around my house forever. Enough already.

I'm going for a nice long power walk/run.......I need to clear my head, and I think well when I'm walking......

3 comments:

Adventures In China said...

I'm sorry to hear about these hiccups. I am sure something will work out, even if it is not how you can see it right now.

I miss having a well-paying job. I was jealous reading about that!

Surfergrrl said...

slooooooooow down!!!! you are getting WAY ahead of yourself. Look, love doesn't always come in neat little packages. I know it sucks not to be together, but think about that positive things that ARE going on. You have someone who thinks about you. You have someone who cares about you and misses you. A lot of people do not have these things. And in a way, sometimes people in close proximity feel too much pressure. For whatever reason, these are the circumstances. Just breath and try to take things as they come.

myself said...

I know, I am the queen of "ahead of myself", he brought it all up and made me think about it, and OH BOY think about it I have!

I'm not good at taking things as they come. At all.

I'm such a freak. Sorry all!