Yeah. Thinking. I do way too much of this activity, between work and my personal life.
About work and the things going on here, how to get more business, how to maintain what we have, what's going on with the economy. My photography, how to get more gigs, more easily, who I should photograph. My relationship status (what relationship?) and the how's and whys of my singledom (although I'm a bit busy for consideration of that at this moment). Music, money, the house, my car (wahhhhh, my car company is being divested...boooo!), friends, who is and who isn't.
What's it all about? I have no idea, all I know is I better enjoy it while I have it. Something with a friend of mine has given me pause to sit and think about what I want in my life and who I want in my life. I don't have the energy to worry about someone else, who is an adult, and should be able to take care of herself mentally, and yet, she's my friend, is this not what we're supposed to do? I'm just tired of walking on eggshells with her, due to her insecurities and self-image issues. Worried when the mood is going to snap, leaving me completely secuire in the fact that I know why she's single (no man is going to deal with that moodiness - hell, I don't want to).
All of this just indicates to me my level of security in myself, which, I realize doesn't always come across here, being that this is what I term my "bitch blog". You guys get to hear when I'm feeling my worst.
But all in all, like I said to a friend in relation to this other friend, I'm pretty ok with myself. Friend with problems....she's gained weight, is having self-image issues, and down at the bottom of it, she gets her validation from men being interested in her, and she's not getting that, it's totally coming across in her mood.
Well, when it comes to the weight, you sort of have 2 choices. Live with it the way it is and shut the f*ck up about it, or do something. I chose to do something, I was a size 22, I now wear size 14 pants (barely, but man oh man I get in them). For me, it's almost 20 lbs a size, so that's almost 100 lbs...it's taken a good length of time, and alot of adjustment and hard work. I don't eat the way I used to, what with blood-pressure & food intolerance issues. But she's got a choice, and needs to quit looking for validation in the interest of men.
Talks a good game does that girl, but when she doesn't get the male interest she's craving, she becomes crazy.
And I can't take it much longer and am running out of patience.
Am I a bad friend?
Anyway. This post is going nowhere quickly....I'm not sure what in hell I'm talking about anymore.
I'm already living in airconditioning, I have a huge migraine due to humidity, it feels like July in Montreal, I'd like my spring please. I can't handle the summer, and I already feel like there's a huge weight on my chest (I have asthma, and smog/humidity/blooming plants etc do NOT help it)....red itchy lumps on my arms from the drive into work.
Sigh. Thank you to all that messed up this world before me and it's resulted in July in April. We're not all lizards, due to my family background etc, I was made for milder climates, rainy, cool, not this ridiculous heat & humidity.
When I wish for winter, it must not be pretty.
And that's the end of my ramble.
More later maybe.