Wednesday, February 13, 2008

is it over yet?

I hold so little regard for relationships, men, anything related to it, these days that is. I've had enough of waiting, wishing, hoping, although these have all been done pretty much covertly, under the banner of the life I attempt to live alone.

Don't let them see you sweat right?

This last thing...I wasn't looking for it, I didn't ask for it, and it appeared. And then it disappeared.

And I seriously wonder what it was all about considering that, for once, it was someone that might actually and seriously interested me. I really felt he was also interested. I'm usually pretty good at being able to tell these things.

Cosmic joke I guess, because he's gone.

And to top it all off, tomorrow is the day that cupid must die.

I have all these little fantasies in my mind, things that he would/should do. And frankly, I am well aware that none of them will happen. Actually I would pretty much die on the spot if I even heard from him.

Is it bad that I've pretty much resigned myself to the idea that I will be single forever? I'm 39 in half a month. I was separated 8 years ago and haven't had anything that has lasted over a few months happen since. I seriously am of the mind that nothing will happen for me.

And don't try to tell me my attitude won't help me. I have tried. Lord have I tried to keep it positive and upbeat. And every time there is an inkling, just a squidge, I think to myself "maybe this is finally it?" and get slapped in the face each and every time.

I think even the most positive person would give up eventually. I know I'm at give up now.

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