Thursday, November 5, 2009

alrighty then

Well, it's been a while. I have so much swimming in my head and just no way to get it out there.

I'm madly applying to jobs in the UK, one of which I hold out some hope for if they can't find anyone locally to fit the bill, starting in 2010. I'm not sure how to do this, all alone, with no job on the other end.

Do I sell my house now and rent until I'm ready to go, or wait til I have something in the hopper to sell?

How does this all work? I'm so confused.

I figure it will all figure itself out eventually and I'll be over there in no time. A friend tells me with complete confidence that he knows I'll do it, I've set my mind to it.

Or is the universe telling me for a 3rd time that I shouldn't go? I have a really hard time believing in that...

Started back into photography again, hot and heavy, 3 already this week, another on the weekend, with another pending. Trying to get a few Brit acts under my belt and into my portfolio, for when I'm in the UK, everyone I photograph is Canadian for the most part or completely unknown, I need to have a few of the more "famous" in there, because I'll be starting with a whole new bunch of people to approve me for photo passes over there. The town that I want to live in or near is a haven of summer concert festivals...big I have that goal in mind.

The Brit. I said I would inform more....I've decided it's not something I really want to talk about, neither in my personal life to people that I know will judge me, or even here, because I'll also be judged I'm sure, but the Brit and I have been talking, emailing back and forth and talking via Skype etc.

Not to get too detailed, but I got apologized to, he regrets not coming to see me a second time, says it was a mistake he shouldn't have made, he should have taken a day off to see me, that he was an idiot and has done alot of thinking on the subject. And when am I back in the UK so he can make it up to me.

Do I believe him? Yes...but I'm always cautious. I think he's self-aware enough but is the type to have to think about things a great deal to come to that awareness. Do I forgive him? I easily forgive unfortunately. However am being extremely reserved, I'm not going to get as gung ho as I did before, guard this little black heart of mine a bit.

He also said something that I am going to take to heart in relation to other relationships in my life. That hints with him don't work, if I want something from him, I have to tell him straight out, ask him straight out, no hinting around the subject. He doesn't get hints, he doesn't realize they're being dropped, in writing or in speaking.....

Hints are something I am bad about, my shyness comes out in that I will NEVER straight out ask for something, I'll hint around it and see if someone takes the bait (this is in my personal life, work wise I am straight and to the point). I am a giver, not a taker, so I guess this is where it is most evident.

I need to work on that I guess.

So, a bit of relief in the "wtf happened with the Brit? I don't get it" situation, but then again, the one thing I was sure would happen (job) didn't, and I'm at square one yet again.

I want to be over there. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm even spending Xmas over there, I have a free apartment for the time I'm there, I can cook for myself, I hate being here....I'm gone...alone in Montreal, or alone in London? I'll pick alone in London thanks.


Technodoll said...

There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want and going for it, 150 miles an hour. What's the alternative anyways, spending life on the couch eating chips and waiting for the next episode of whatever soap of the day is on?

Kill meh!

I'm glad things are on the mend with The Brit, you sound much happier these days.

I like :)

Surfergrrl said...

I think as far as the Brit goes, you know what is best for you. And that's all that matters. I'm not sure I'd be good giving you advice about whether you should sell the house or not. I tend to be on the conservative side.

myself said...

TD - not sure if things are necessarily on the mend with the Brit, but I am glad to get the apology, sincere or not, it made me feel better, alot. And so now I just wait and see what he does while I'm still here and when I'm back over there.

Surfergrrl, part of my problem is I'm conservative also, but with my plan ultimately being to go over there, I'm wondering if I should get rid now. Anyway, I need to clean the crap out of it anyway.

Adventures In China said...

Well hey, I'm glad to hear you've come to a good place with him, sometimes it takes a few tries. We are all only human.

Christmas in London sounds lovely! I am sure things will all fall into place when they need to, sounds like a great adventure you are embarking on! Awesome!