Well, it's been a while. I have so much swimming in my head and just no way to get it out there.
I'm madly applying to jobs in the UK, one of which I hold out some hope for if they can't find anyone locally to fit the bill, starting in 2010. I'm not sure how to do this, all alone, with no job on the other end.
Do I sell my house now and rent until I'm ready to go, or wait til I have something in the hopper to sell?
How does this all work? I'm so confused.
I figure it will all figure itself out eventually and I'll be over there in no time. A friend tells me with complete confidence that he knows I'll do it, I've set my mind to it.
Or is the universe telling me for a 3rd time that I shouldn't go? I have a really hard time believing in that...
Started back into photography again, hot and heavy, 3 already this week, another on the weekend, with another pending. Trying to get a few Brit acts under my belt and into my portfolio, for when I'm in the UK, everyone I photograph is Canadian for the most part or completely unknown, I need to have a few of the more "famous" in there, because I'll be starting with a whole new bunch of people to approve me for photo passes over there. The town that I want to live in or near is a haven of summer concert festivals...big names....so I have that goal in mind.
The Brit. I said I would inform more....I've decided it's not something I really want to talk about, neither in my personal life to people that I know will judge me, or even here, because I'll also be judged I'm sure, but the Brit and I have been talking, emailing back and forth and talking via Skype etc.
Not to get too detailed, but I got apologized to, he regrets not coming to see me a second time, says it was a mistake he shouldn't have made, he should have taken a day off to see me, that he was an idiot and has done alot of thinking on the subject. And when am I back in the UK so he can make it up to me.
Do I believe him? Yes...but I'm always cautious. I think he's self-aware enough but is the type to have to think about things a great deal to come to that awareness. Do I forgive him? I easily forgive unfortunately. However am being extremely reserved, I'm not going to get as gung ho as I did before, guard this little black heart of mine a bit.
He also said something that I am going to take to heart in relation to other relationships in my life. That hints with him don't work, if I want something from him, I have to tell him straight out, ask him straight out, no hinting around the subject. He doesn't get hints, he doesn't realize they're being dropped, in writing or in speaking.....
Hints are something I am bad about, my shyness comes out in that I will NEVER straight out ask for something, I'll hint around it and see if someone takes the bait (this is in my personal life, work wise I am straight and to the point). I am a giver, not a taker, so I guess this is where it is most evident.
I need to work on that I guess.
So, a bit of relief in the "wtf happened with the Brit? I don't get it" situation, but then again, the one thing I was sure would happen (job) didn't, and I'm at square one yet again.
I want to be over there. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm even spending Xmas over there, I have a free apartment for the time I'm there, I can cook for myself, I hate being here....I'm gone...alone in Montreal, or alone in London? I'll pick alone in London thanks.