Think I am going to create another blog. Register a domain and review shows. Everybody's doing it, I may as well, it will refer to my photography website. Yep. Sounds like a plan.
Course when I finally do it, well, who the hell knows eh? And it won't be referenced here for privacy reasons. As in, I open my gob way too much and don't want people to see me bitching about them.
It's my bitch blog and if I wasn't so FREAKING passive agressive, I'd confront all of my people demons and deal with them immediately until waiting til things came to a head.
Woulda coulda.
On which note, my friend with the issues is on an upswing mood today, thank geezus. Thing is, I'm never sure when she's going to be snapping at me in anger (and then apologizing for it later, when she's thought about it and realized she's wrong). It's like hitting someone and then saying "I'm sorry", the I'm sorry does eventually lose it's impact and the person is left wishing they'd deal with their issues.
I wish she'd deal with her issues, quit reading self-help books that convince her that everything is the man's problem and that she deserves so much better, and just deal.
You know, I have a male friend that says those things are the bane of his existence, especially when women take them verbatim. We have issues when it comes to relationships past & present, is it not possible that men do too? I have alot of male friends, while they deal with things like break-ups, relationships & feelings differently then women, they still have emotions and still have difficulties dealing.
Sigh.
Yeah. I'm a woman's best friend. You won't hear me saying "you go girl" when a woman "stands up" for herself due to some perceived slight on a man's part. I've seen it happen too many times, this whole issue of a woman taking problems from past relationships and using them against their current love interest. Emotional baggage is and can be a relationship killer, and we women have to remember to take some time between men to straighten ourselves out.
See, my friend, she said she did that, and no, she didn't date anyone for a full year, which for her is unheard of, but don't kid yourself that there weren't interests on her part, and she was still giving off the "I'm looking" vibe even though she gave great lip-service to not looking. I called bullsh*t....and she was having none of it.
Oh well. I mean, believe me, I've had to deal with my own past demons, which were truly horrible, however, I actually took about 2 years of self-imposed non-man territory to do it in. I "still" give off the I'm-not-looking vibe I'm told, which is more habit then anything else.
I don't know. I'd like us to start taking accountability for problems in relationships, our choice of men (a good job, nice car, and hot looks do not the perfect man make). And stop blaming men for absolutely everything that goes wrong in a relationship or the beginning of one, they're human too, although we sometimes wonder....and it drive me insane.
End of rant that wasn't supposed to be a rant...go figure!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
my mind...
is in Tennessee.
Not due to work, although that might make sense, but due to a certain person that is there for another 4.5 weeks. Well ok, until next weekend if I'm truthful.
What will happen with said person? I have no idea. All I can tell you is that I wish he was here.
GChat just doesn't do it I'm afraid. Although it's better than nothing.
Sigh.
---
I stand corrected by himself....3.5 weeks....
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
contemplation
So.
Yeah. Thinking. I do way too much of this activity, between work and my personal life.
About work and the things going on here, how to get more business, how to maintain what we have, what's going on with the economy. My photography, how to get more gigs, more easily, who I should photograph. My relationship status (what relationship?) and the how's and whys of my singledom (although I'm a bit busy for consideration of that at this moment). Music, money, the house, my car (wahhhhh, my car company is being divested...boooo!), friends, who is and who isn't.
What's it all about? I have no idea, all I know is I better enjoy it while I have it. Something with a friend of mine has given me pause to sit and think about what I want in my life and who I want in my life. I don't have the energy to worry about someone else, who is an adult, and should be able to take care of herself mentally, and yet, she's my friend, is this not what we're supposed to do? I'm just tired of walking on eggshells with her, due to her insecurities and self-image issues. Worried when the mood is going to snap, leaving me completely secuire in the fact that I know why she's single (no man is going to deal with that moodiness - hell, I don't want to).
All of this just indicates to me my level of security in myself, which, I realize doesn't always come across here, being that this is what I term my "bitch blog". You guys get to hear when I'm feeling my worst.
But all in all, like I said to a friend in relation to this other friend, I'm pretty ok with myself. Friend with problems....she's gained weight, is having self-image issues, and down at the bottom of it, she gets her validation from men being interested in her, and she's not getting that, it's totally coming across in her mood.
Well, when it comes to the weight, you sort of have 2 choices. Live with it the way it is and shut the f*ck up about it, or do something. I chose to do something, I was a size 22, I now wear size 14 pants (barely, but man oh man I get in them). For me, it's almost 20 lbs a size, so that's almost 100 lbs...it's taken a good length of time, and alot of adjustment and hard work. I don't eat the way I used to, what with blood-pressure & food intolerance issues. But she's got a choice, and needs to quit looking for validation in the interest of men.
Talks a good game does that girl, but when she doesn't get the male interest she's craving, she becomes crazy.
And I can't take it much longer and am running out of patience.
Am I a bad friend?
Anyway. This post is going nowhere quickly....I'm not sure what in hell I'm talking about anymore.
I'm already living in airconditioning, I have a huge migraine due to humidity, it feels like July in Montreal, I'd like my spring please. I can't handle the summer, and I already feel like there's a huge weight on my chest (I have asthma, and smog/humidity/blooming plants etc do NOT help it)....red itchy lumps on my arms from the drive into work.
Sigh. Thank you to all that messed up this world before me and it's resulted in July in April. We're not all lizards, due to my family background etc, I was made for milder climates, rainy, cool, not this ridiculous heat & humidity.
When I wish for winter, it must not be pretty.
And that's the end of my ramble.
More later maybe.
Yeah. Thinking. I do way too much of this activity, between work and my personal life.
About work and the things going on here, how to get more business, how to maintain what we have, what's going on with the economy. My photography, how to get more gigs, more easily, who I should photograph. My relationship status (what relationship?) and the how's and whys of my singledom (although I'm a bit busy for consideration of that at this moment). Music, money, the house, my car (wahhhhh, my car company is being divested...boooo!), friends, who is and who isn't.
What's it all about? I have no idea, all I know is I better enjoy it while I have it. Something with a friend of mine has given me pause to sit and think about what I want in my life and who I want in my life. I don't have the energy to worry about someone else, who is an adult, and should be able to take care of herself mentally, and yet, she's my friend, is this not what we're supposed to do? I'm just tired of walking on eggshells with her, due to her insecurities and self-image issues. Worried when the mood is going to snap, leaving me completely secuire in the fact that I know why she's single (no man is going to deal with that moodiness - hell, I don't want to).
All of this just indicates to me my level of security in myself, which, I realize doesn't always come across here, being that this is what I term my "bitch blog". You guys get to hear when I'm feeling my worst.
But all in all, like I said to a friend in relation to this other friend, I'm pretty ok with myself. Friend with problems....she's gained weight, is having self-image issues, and down at the bottom of it, she gets her validation from men being interested in her, and she's not getting that, it's totally coming across in her mood.
Well, when it comes to the weight, you sort of have 2 choices. Live with it the way it is and shut the f*ck up about it, or do something. I chose to do something, I was a size 22, I now wear size 14 pants (barely, but man oh man I get in them). For me, it's almost 20 lbs a size, so that's almost 100 lbs...it's taken a good length of time, and alot of adjustment and hard work. I don't eat the way I used to, what with blood-pressure & food intolerance issues. But she's got a choice, and needs to quit looking for validation in the interest of men.
Talks a good game does that girl, but when she doesn't get the male interest she's craving, she becomes crazy.
And I can't take it much longer and am running out of patience.
Am I a bad friend?
Anyway. This post is going nowhere quickly....I'm not sure what in hell I'm talking about anymore.
I'm already living in airconditioning, I have a huge migraine due to humidity, it feels like July in Montreal, I'd like my spring please. I can't handle the summer, and I already feel like there's a huge weight on my chest (I have asthma, and smog/humidity/blooming plants etc do NOT help it)....red itchy lumps on my arms from the drive into work.
Sigh. Thank you to all that messed up this world before me and it's resulted in July in April. We're not all lizards, due to my family background etc, I was made for milder climates, rainy, cool, not this ridiculous heat & humidity.
When I wish for winter, it must not be pretty.
And that's the end of my ramble.
More later maybe.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
it's getting hot in here
The weather. Freaking 25th of April and it's 26C out there (that's 79F to you peeps in the US).
UGH.
I don't like heat. I don't do heat. To give you an idication, I've gotten my first case of heat rash for 2009, and it's only April. In Montreal, this is unheard of.
If this is a precursor to the rest of the summer, I'm basically f*cked.
As for the situation that I don't want to talk about....it's....it's.....
Interesting.
That's all you get.
Is this a leading text message by the way? Between said friend and I...I went out to meet friends last night - and the texts went like this:
myself: this comes to you via drunken texting...yes...already...hahahaha!!!!!
friend: already???!!! :)
myself: takes 1 drink...sooo sad, this is why I warn you about the wine...U'll do
just about anything I'm told after a 1/2 a bottle....
OH
MY
GOD....I hit send on that last one, and then went DOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I am an idiot.
Anyhoodles. I apparently just told him I want to see him naked according to a male friend.
Nice one myself! Please note I have yet to hear from him. Oops.
Anyhoo, that's all that's fit to print at this point.
UGH.
I don't like heat. I don't do heat. To give you an idication, I've gotten my first case of heat rash for 2009, and it's only April. In Montreal, this is unheard of.
If this is a precursor to the rest of the summer, I'm basically f*cked.
As for the situation that I don't want to talk about....it's....it's.....
Interesting.
That's all you get.
Is this a leading text message by the way? Between said friend and I...I went out to meet friends last night - and the texts went like this:
myself: this comes to you via drunken texting...yes...already...hahahaha!!!!!
friend: already???!!! :)
myself: takes 1 drink...sooo sad, this is why I warn you about the wine...U'll do
just about anything I'm told after a 1/2 a bottle....
OH
MY
GOD....I hit send on that last one, and then went DOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I am an idiot.
Anyhoodles. I apparently just told him I want to see him naked according to a male friend.
Nice one myself! Please note I have yet to hear from him. Oops.
Anyhoo, that's all that's fit to print at this point.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
could it be?
Really? Could it be something that I've wanted like, forever, could actually happen?
I don't want to jinx it by telling y'all, but, I'm feeling very positive. Which in and of itself is very unusual anyway....
Can't wait for Friday :)
I don't want to jinx it by telling y'all, but, I'm feeling very positive. Which in and of itself is very unusual anyway....
Can't wait for Friday :)
Monday, April 20, 2009
el sicko
I am NOT shaking this stupid cold. Ridiculous.
I just don't have time to be sick again, so I'm sure that's prolonging the misery, however, it's not like I've been out late late recently. Oh gack. I would give my left arm to be able to breath through my nose, and not cough myself into throwing up. Yeehaw.
On a happier note, I had a photography weekend, sped up to Ottawa on Saturday night to shoot a few Six Shooter Record artists, Melissa McClelland and Justin Rutledge. Melissa has a new album out last week, Victoria Day, and she was fantastically amazing, and Justin, well, I love that voice, it is so amazingly soothing... Ended my evening chatting with Luke Doucet and his dad about hockey. My team is tanking in a big way, and discussion ensued. Nice people all around, his dad reminds me a lot of my dad.
Then last night, went to shoot 2 bands I didn't know. One is from Toronto, We Are The Take, and I was pleasantly surprised. They opened up for Thriving Ivory, who are on a promo tour of Canada right now, hail from California. I was impressed with both bands, and enjoyed them greatly. As usual, the Canadian band was approachable (I hadn't gotten an ok to photograph them, but as they opened for Thriving Ivory I took some shots and just wanted to know where to send a link for them to see them - caught them in a greasy spoon across from the venue!) - and poor dudes had just gotten their van broken into. Welcome to the shitty area of Montreal dudes (our small concert venues are in the worst area possible....in fact, my car got broken into around the same place give or take a block or 2 - lovely!)
SPCA yesterday afternoon, I hate people, we got a baby chicken found roaming the streets of Montreal alone (TD? can I interest you in a chick extra early?). Four rabbits as the result of an idiot photo studio's promo of giving away rabbits when you had your photo taken with them (we tried to get that shut down, and it didn't work, but next year, next year, it won't f-ing happen again if we have our way). Sweet baby bunnies, 3 months old. Wish I could take them all home, but my little rascals are enough for me!
And this weekend breakfast with my friend....that'll keep me happy and cheery for the week to come, I haven't seen him in a while, he's the one....the one....oh I just don't know what to call him, what category to put him into.
I'm not a huge Colbie Caillat fan, but these lyrics from her song "Realize" make me think of the big goof (we'll call him PK).
"If you just realize, what I just realized
Then we’d be perfect for each other and we’ll never find another
Just realize what I just realized,
we’d never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now"
Of course, this is something I realized a long time ago. We've never spoken of it, but who the hell knows right? Yes, same guy who's making me dinner when he's back for good.
And that's all there is fit to print in the world of myself.
I just don't have time to be sick again, so I'm sure that's prolonging the misery, however, it's not like I've been out late late recently. Oh gack. I would give my left arm to be able to breath through my nose, and not cough myself into throwing up. Yeehaw.
On a happier note, I had a photography weekend, sped up to Ottawa on Saturday night to shoot a few Six Shooter Record artists, Melissa McClelland and Justin Rutledge. Melissa has a new album out last week, Victoria Day, and she was fantastically amazing, and Justin, well, I love that voice, it is so amazingly soothing... Ended my evening chatting with Luke Doucet and his dad about hockey. My team is tanking in a big way, and discussion ensued. Nice people all around, his dad reminds me a lot of my dad.
Then last night, went to shoot 2 bands I didn't know. One is from Toronto, We Are The Take, and I was pleasantly surprised. They opened up for Thriving Ivory, who are on a promo tour of Canada right now, hail from California. I was impressed with both bands, and enjoyed them greatly. As usual, the Canadian band was approachable (I hadn't gotten an ok to photograph them, but as they opened for Thriving Ivory I took some shots and just wanted to know where to send a link for them to see them - caught them in a greasy spoon across from the venue!) - and poor dudes had just gotten their van broken into. Welcome to the shitty area of Montreal dudes (our small concert venues are in the worst area possible....in fact, my car got broken into around the same place give or take a block or 2 - lovely!)
SPCA yesterday afternoon, I hate people, we got a baby chicken found roaming the streets of Montreal alone (TD? can I interest you in a chick extra early?). Four rabbits as the result of an idiot photo studio's promo of giving away rabbits when you had your photo taken with them (we tried to get that shut down, and it didn't work, but next year, next year, it won't f-ing happen again if we have our way). Sweet baby bunnies, 3 months old. Wish I could take them all home, but my little rascals are enough for me!
And this weekend breakfast with my friend....that'll keep me happy and cheery for the week to come, I haven't seen him in a while, he's the one....the one....oh I just don't know what to call him, what category to put him into.
I'm not a huge Colbie Caillat fan, but these lyrics from her song "Realize" make me think of the big goof (we'll call him PK).
"If you just realize, what I just realized
Then we’d be perfect for each other and we’ll never find another
Just realize what I just realized,
we’d never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now"
Of course, this is something I realized a long time ago. We've never spoken of it, but who the hell knows right? Yes, same guy who's making me dinner when he's back for good.
And that's all there is fit to print in the world of myself.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
smelly hair wonderfulness!
So, I'm mucho late doing this....I've been very remiss.....however....
Thanks to the wonderful people at Matchstick.ca, I am checking out the new Hydralicious shampoo line....
Now, I'll admit, I already use Herbal Essences, Body Envy, so I am somewhat biased towards this brand anyway. I have horrible thin, bodiless hair, and it's one of the very few that actually does anything.
So, I got my lovely care package from Matchstick.ca and lo and behold, Hydralicious shampoos in every type!
Now, I can only use the one for thin, limp hair (how sad does that sound?), so I gave the others away, one set to a friend, another set to a co-worker, who are going to report to me how they like it.
So, me and the Featherweight shampoo & conditioner are now like "this" (imagine me crossing 2 fingers!)
Oh.the.smell. What I love about the Herbal Essences, is true for the Hydralicious.
Now generally speaking, I normally am unable to use conditioner, I have dry ends to my hair, but conditioner weighs it down something wicked. Well, I can now! Wow, it actually works well! My hair is in great shape, and I can condition it!
Well recommended, seriously, and the ladies so far are very pleased, each with their Self-targeting and Reconditioning shampoos and conditioners....
Love it.
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