Sunday, February 28, 2010

happy?

Well. I'm not.

Am currently struggling.

It's my godforsaken birthday tomorrow. While the number doesn't offend me, what I have lacked in accomplishment, where I am is what does.

Single at 41. Yey. Just how I wanted it to be. Not. Have met one person a year of interest to me for the past 5 years. None of it went anywhere, except leaving me heartbroken (current situation unknown, but don't worry, I expect it to lead absolutely nowhere as well).

I won't get that call or that card from my grannie for the first time in 40 years.

I have to work.

I'm so near tears all the time right now. You don't realize how much someone is intertwined in your life until they aren't around anymore. It's really come home to roost to me in the past month.

If I didn't have the photography to fill a void, I don't know what I would do. Probably end up crying endlessly all the time.

Happy happy.

Soundtrack: Canada/USA gold medal game, Olympics Vancouver 2010

3 comments:

Technodoll said...

(( hugs )) and Happy Birthday in advance!!

You do have your photography, and your critters, and your friends, and your coworkers, and your family (even grannie in your heart) who love you and want to celebrate your special day with you tomorrow - yes, a kindred spirit in the form of a "spouse" might make it more memorable but that's up to YOU to make sure that you are happy, no matter what.

You're a pisces, swim dammit!

(ps: this time of year, having a mild depression isn't uncommon... but there are ways to help it...)

** hugs **

pps: ooo call in sick tomorrow and spend the day at the movies, eat your favorite foods and have a good bottle of wine!!

myself said...

I have to go in tomorrow and I know they bought me a cake (they being the department I work most with).

Well. Me or whoever else. I'm not happy.

And no one gets to spend the day with me, I'm telling everyone to go away. It doesn't help me when people are sympathetic. It makes things worse. I'm more liable to bawl.

I'm super duper tired of being just me. Everything this year is bringing that home to roost so far.

Yey. Looks like it'll be so much better than the last. Not.

Adventures In China said...

I'm sorry you are so sad. Grief is a real thing, and it is hard. I hope you can find some joy in the your daily tasks. I'm sorry you're feeling this way.