It's been a week and a bit, and I'm still standing. I occasionally get the urge to call and then realize she's not there anymore. That I helped empty out her apartment last week (and the rest is being done this weekend), that shortly her phone will be disconnected. That I'm wearing the ring that hadn't left her hand in over 20 years on my finger.
I'll survive. Just a bit of my heart is gone for good.
Much happening in the saga of me, just none of it anything I really want to be writing about. Photographing an artist tonight that is something I am so excited about, she's the reason I do concert photography.
And she's world famous, and her management company responded with "oh yes, we'd love for you to take photos!" (there are two types of Canadian management, those that forget their artists aren't famous outside of Canada, and those that reflect the artist's own beliefs that the small people are important too. Thank you Nettwerk :)
Supposed to do dinner with a friend and a gentleman she knows who happens to be a photographer for the Montreal newspaper. I think she was trying to fix us up, he's a nice guy....but, me with my plans etc....not sure what to think at this time. Naturally, we'll go do dinner the 3 of us, he and I have had some interesting FB convos, the photography and all, and, in a bit of "omg this world is too small" we have a friend in common.
There's also the Brit who is running cold, which he does when he gets busy (I believe the term "so fuck him" comes to mind). Engh. Whatever. Men. I can so no longer be bothered. And truly, nothing seriously huge can come from he and I if a) he doesn't make some effort on his part and b) I'm not over there, because truly, both of us are so frigging busy, we don't have a hell of a lot of opportunity to connect. My last couple weeks have been no help either. However I did have to get a new phone, so now he and I can keep in touch better.
Been too tired to do anything. Finally got a replacement contractor in to take a look at the kitchen, should have that estimate this weekend. Found out that I can take 3 days for my grandmother, stupid me, I didn't. Should have. The tiredness I'm sure has to do with the grief, I'm sort of....flat lined emotionally, really can't care about much, and the only thing that elicits much of an emotion is thinking about her.
Or anger. I'm quick to that right now. Piss me off and you'll be sorry.
Sorry to sound down, I'm not really, in fact, I can't wait to get to my concert gig tonight, and maybe out with a friend in the Village (gay village for those not in the know), hang for a few drinks with the boys, which is one of my favorite things to do EVER! Venue I'm taking shots at is in the Village so I may as well while I have opportunity!
Unless I'm too tired. We'll see.
Anyhoodles, rambling, off I go, to what I should be doing, which is work.....engh.....