Sunday, February 14, 2010

things I've come to realize

1) I'll never leave this godforsaken country. There are so many roadblocks. Never ending roadblocks.

2) I no longer have the strength to keep fighting for what I want.

3) I can't tackle this house alone. I don't know where to start, and I don't want to start.

4) The Brit could really give a shit. I'm sure he cares in his own way, but it's not enough.

5) I generally feel invisible to the opposite sex. Which I guess, I am. Unless they're gay, then they love me :)

6) I'm not happy.

*this is brought to you by self introspection brought on by weeping, frustrations, the realization this is VDay #9 alone (I've been 5 years single, but that relationship never extended over VDay) and generally feeling like the shit on the bottom of someone's shoe

The End.

4 comments:

PrincessB said...

Hope you feel better today. I think Vday is really hard for people. I think my girlfriends and I found a good solution....we watched a ridiculously sad movie, cried and then had a beer. Good Valentine's Day!

Adventures In China said...

So sorry you are feeling bad. It sucks to feel this way, and I have had my share of those days! Hope you get to do something just for you very soon.

Grief is so hard, don't be too hard on yourself. Take the time you need. And yes, the people who can't show they care in a way that is meaningful to you can go screw themselves.

myself said...

PrincessB - that sounds like a good solution, but, unfortunately, as per usual, most of my girlfriends have moved into relationships (leaving me behind, again), and were spending it with their significant others. So, the end result wasn't particularly pretty with a short break in public at the SPCA LOL. I still feel...off...and totally confused.

AinC (I know you name but won't use it! LOL) - you know, I think alot of it is the loss of my grandmother. I still can't believe she's not there anymore, when I felt like crap, I'd call her and she'd make me feel better. And I can't do that anymore, so I'm a mess. Stupid really. But, unfortunately it's reality for me right now.

Technodoll said...

((hugs))... wish I could pass a magic wand over everything and make it all better.

Would booze help?

*sends magic brit stuff*