Saturday, September 19, 2009

overwhelmed

So. Been back a week tomorrow night. I'm not going to lie and say it's been a happy week, because it hasn't. It's been fraught with illness, distaste at being back in this hellhole we call a province with it's rude bastard people (my drive to work on Monday was easily one of the worst I've ever had, probably mostly due to my lack of a decent mood at the idiocy that awaited me around each fucking corner).

Seriously. We're rude here. We have no clue how to be polite? Not to insult anyone, but seriously, is it the french influence that makes this a city full of selfish bastards?

I have no idea.

Then, 2 days in I get sick as hell. This cold that is going around the office nailed me but quick, and 5 days later death sounds like a much better alternative then coughing up green crap and not sleeping.

I actually took a day and half off work. Shocking.

So, I'm starting to sort of freak out at the prospect of moving. I have no certain dates until November/December, I am not certain I get the job over there with my company, although I think I have as good, if not better a chance as anyone, and I don't even have an idea of the salary or what position might be open to me.

I'm looking at this house wondering what I take with me, hell, what I can afford to take with me, and what I don't. Luckily, 80% of rentals in the UK are furnished, so with exception of maybe a few items, I don't need any furniture, however, I have alot of family antiques etc, that I would like to keep. Do I ship them over, or do I put them in storage (which is pricey) and then arrange for them to be shipped down the line?

Decisions decisions.

I mean, do I take my cd & dvd collection with me? Yes, I think I do, dvds, I need to get a multiple country machine or take the one I have with me, and that's fine, I can do that without much effort, or do I just sell up. I have a whole bunch I watch over and over that are either Canadian or not easily found, not keen on getting rid.

Pets. It will be fucking expensive to take them with me. Which I still plan to do. However, yikes.

Oh and I still need to get that visa. Although I do have most of it take care of, except, of course the $400 fee associated to it.

And then I have to drive to Ottawa to be fingerprinted, however I can do that along with a sales call to clients up there. Which will net me about $300 in mileage fees which is pretty nice.

Bunnies. I still am not sure what to do.

Cats. Well. I have one less. One of mine dropped dead the morning I was leaving for the UK. Poor girl. I was vacuuming upstairs and she ran down to the main floor and must have just had an aneurysm. I was quite distressed, still am....eyes wide open and everything....and the feeling of guilt (I always feel guilty).

God forbid my pets should either die gently or not have to be put to sleep by me. God forbid.

And the Brit is being distant. Considering last week, that's kid of shocking to my system. I am certain it's work, like I think I said before, we had quite the chat, I know his situation, I know why he needs to work so much, and that he's exhausted, but geezus. Answer a fucking email. How hard is that? Initiate a text message. It certainly wasn't due to a disinterest in me. Or it bloody well better not be.

Not that it makes a difference about my plans.

I'm not sure where to start. I know where to go on the other end, but I'm terrified about where to start from here, and how to get things organized as well as what sort of lead time I'm going to have to do it in.

Yikers.

And so. I'm overwhelmed. Hopefully when I'm less ill it'll be a bit easier and less confusing, but then again, maybe it won't be.....

God help me, what am I doing?

8 comments:

Scarlet said...

You have a lot going on and with the death of your cat (sorry about that) and a fickle Brit, wow! I can see how you feel overwhelmed.

Hope you get some answers this week and are able to kick back and relax a bit.

Surfergrrl said...

Hugs my sister in nervousness. Mine being completely different of course. You have a lot of decisions to make and I empathize with how tough that all is. Try to just make one decision at a time (lists always help me) As far as the brit, you can't control how he behaves. Try to eliminate that from your concerns in relation to moving, because in the end you are still doing this for yourself.

PrincessB said...

I feel like I am in a similar space, contemplating a move to Maui on the heels of a breakup. It seems to "make sense" but what amkes sense now may feel like an escape later. Still not sure.

Hang in there and keep blogging. Hope it gets better!

myself said...

Scarlet - well hopefully I can manage in between everything to figure a few things out.

Surfergrrl...The Brit doesn't really figure into my concerns about moving, however, he is upsetting me. He's about to be ignored for a bit, which I know fully well he doesn't enjoy one bit. Actually, today, his only day off, he has been semi-attentive, so, as usual, it's work related, it's always work related.

PrincessB. Yep. Wondering if I am indeed doing what my dad says I am and running away. And then I think about how relaxed I am over there, how at home I feel, and then I wonder, like someone said to me yesterday, perhaps before I just wasn't ready for this, and now I am? Yeah, you've got some big stuff coming too yourself!

Technodoll said...

First, breathe woman! You're rolling at full speed on a bumpy road driving impaired with fatigue, a cold and rocknrolla emotions!

I can understand your need to get there and it will happen... at least you have half of the puzzle worked out (what happens when you get there) but you need to start with here, one thing at a time.

Do you work well with lists? Brainstorming sessions? Advice from someone who's been there and done that? (ask Vegas, LOL)

As for the Brit... sorry to tell you but he's being a jerk.

NOBODY is EVER too busy to acknowledge an email or a text, unless you're the friggin' president of the united states on a book tour.

If he's not into you, his loss. But please don't let him break your heart...

friends treat friends better than this. He better wake up before i go break his kneecaps.

Adventures In China said...

So sorry about your cat. And the Brit not being the guy he should be for you. I hope he pulls his head out soon!

Good luck with the moving plans, it can all work out, I know it!

myself said...

TD - I am shite with lists. Oh I make them well, but I either lose them or don't follow them or both. The lists are in my head. And I check them off mentally, however, not getting them out of my head doesn't help the big ole cacophony that is going around in it.

I called the Brit on his dickheadedness. And he apologized, but I will still be doing some ignoring.

Adventures in China - thanks, I know it can work out, I know it in my heart and I want so badly to go over there, really badly. I just don't think I want to live here anymore and I so badly need a change, even if people say it's running away.

Gooseberried said...

Hope you feel better soon. There's obviously a lot going on in your life and those stupid small things like, traffic, can just run up the wall to the height of your nerves in those kind of situations.