Saturday, January 1, 2011

it is what it is

Went to my comedy show last night with my friend. We had a great time, many laughs, best New Year I've spent in a long time.

Problem is.

I woke up this morning, still alone in bed except for a cat and a dog, still unhappy with my location, with a migraine, still feeling like the failure I sometimes feel like.

The flip of a page on a calendar does nothing to assuage the damage the past year has done to my psyche.

It's still there, I'm still surrounded by people but lonely in a way that hurts me to the very core, still missing my grannie and dreading the anniversary of her death, still moving out of that house.

Sometimes I don't feel like I remotely move forward. And I guess I don't.


prin said...

Naw, the people who don't move forward are the ones who refuse to think about stuff. It just feels like there's no progress because you're focusing on the stuff you haven't done or figured out or finished working through.

Gotta learn to forgive yourself for not being perfect, you know?

myself said...

True. I think I overthink though. Is that a word? spell check says no.

And I know I'm not perfect. I'm the first to say how far away from it I am. But I strive, and I guess I need to forgive myself for how far away I fall from that perfect.

If that makes any sense.

Technodoll said...

It's just a date on the calendar, yes, but it kind of resets things you know?

2010 was very tough for you, but look at everything you've survived and accomplished, you've tied up loose ends that had been dragging you down for ages - HUGE ones.

You're moving forwards in leaps and bounds whether you like it or not ;-)

(hugs) and Happy New Year, because it is gonna be a good one.

Kay? ;-)

myself said...

sigh. I really hope it will be a good one. I'm impatient for some really good, non work good, because, you know, that I'm good at. Just the mens stuff I just can't seem to manage.