well

I'm going back to bed.

Figured you'd all want to know.

unbelievable

And, as though right on cue, an FB message from The Brit, asking me how things are going.

My response was short and curt. "Been better thanks".

F*ck you, you f*cking shithead.

ok universe, what now?

Yeah so, apparently I can't stay working with my company if I go to the UK. So now I get to do the "unknown" thing and apply to places I know nothing about. Only good thing about that is they may pay to relocate me.

I'm so disappointed, I'm sitting in my office trying not to cry. Only good thing is that I just read about another large company in my industry that had a huge theft ring going on in London, they've fired a whole hell of a lot of management that were involved, so there's going to be work available there. Pre-emptively putting in my resume there. Who knows? I walked past their facility during my trip over...

I'm so disappointed.

The one thing I'm good at, work, and apparently, I'm not so much.

How to make me feel lower than I've been recently.

Yay.

living

Still here.

One step forward, 2 steps back....never fails.

Have made an effort to have some fun, but I'm exhausted, it's been go go go for a few weeks, this coming weekend with exception of one night out, I'm staying at home. Got invited out tonight to a friend's for dinner, but I can't, the dogs & foster rabbit spent way too much time in cages this weekend for my liking, they need to be out and about tonight.

I should also be saving $$. Big time. I'm supposed to have a chat with our new manager overseas this week, and hopefully should get some sort of a date with which to work instead of the suppositions in my brain. Here's hoping it's not that soon, I can't do it that quickly. And I don't want this opportunity to pass me by.

God I can't believe I'm doing this.

The Brit. No news. Which I guess, is the news.

Please note that it doesn't mean that my heart doesn't hurt and that I haven't taken it all very personally....I'm sorry, I am not a "forget about him" person, never have been never will be. I grieve. And this is 15 years worth of grieving I'm putting into this one. That's me. Or as a friend would say, the magic of me.

Who knows what will happen when I live over there? Right now the furthest I can think is what I'll make for dinner in about 2 hours....

sad

It's the Brit's birthday today.

I am so close to tears, at basically any moment, I cannot tell you.

I texted him a happy birthday (I don't do these things on people's Facebook walls....bleh). A small flurry of texting ensued. But I stopped it.

I'm just sad. and don't bother telling me he's not worth the sadness, it's not that I don't know that already....I just can't help how I feel.

..and then she passed out

Milles excuses, but I'm just too tired to manage much in terns of writing a coherent sentence....very sorry, I'm sure I'll lose all 3 of my readers (!), but, life gets in the way of most things, doesn't it?

Work is insane, I've been doing some photography and I really can't handle much else with the travelling shoved in there.

I need to get to the UK for the work stuff asap, I'm thinking earliest I can afford is end of November, so that's in the works. I was asked to come see about a position.

Heard from the Brit. I'm being very unenthused about it. Let him do the chasing.

I'm FREE!!!

My completely unreasonable friend? Someone she knows passed on the info that I'm sick and tired of her and now she's gone, long, long gone, and I don't have to be polite anymore.

YEY!!!!!

Long story short, she decided she liked the boyfriend of a friend, and worked her arse off getting him. This friend was also a friend of hers. Nice. So I've been completely honest about my feelings about it and it got back to her. I wish them luck, they deserve each other.

I also turfed the Brit. Well. Turfed is probably wrong, I basically had emailed asking a few things and he didn't respond to what I had asked (again responded to the part that I didn't care too much about in the email). So I told him he knows how to get ahold of me, if he wants to, I will be more than pleased to hear from him, I am just not going to continue feeling like I'm chasing him around. Told him it was too bad, we could have something good when I get over there, but not if he's not going to put some effort in.

We'll see where that gets me. Probably nowhere. In which case, whatever. Problem is, it hurts like hell that I'm sitting here hoping for something that in the back of my head I'm telling myself will never happen.

I have to be out of town 3 days next week. I am less than impressed. I absolutely hate Toronto.

And that's about all I have at this time. I'm exhausted. So please excuse the sporadic blogging.

BTW, before anyone asks, I'm still going to London if I get that job. He was never my reason to move over there, so he won't be the reason I don't go.