Sunday, January 24, 2010

oh no

My worst fear. The thing I've worried about most of my life.

I got news that my grandmother had a stroke. Not the one dying of cancer, the other one.

It would be wrong to say I don't care about Grandma (with the cancer) but she wasn't around most of my life, and I wasn't ever terribly close to her. I went to see her before Xmas and sadly, I don't feel alot for her.

Then there's Grannie.

I know I've mentioned my mother's dislike of me a great deal of my life. For what reason, I don't even think she knows to this day.

So, my Grannie and my father did everything possible to take care of me, pay attention to me, and any and all holidays from school were spent with my Grannie, down in the eastern townships.

My Grannie has always been my best friend.

This is the day I have dreaded since I was a teenager. The realization that she would be gone when I was relatively young.

I have so many phenomenal memories of her. Of her and I, and various family members and friends, but the one person I have talked to about anything and everything, gone to with all my problems, has been Grannie. It might sound really strange, but she's my best friend. Always has been.

She's in Cowansville hospital. Unresponsive to verbal and pain stimulus. Should have gone for a CT by now. And I know, at 92, what the end result will be, and I am in so much pain right now I can't explain it.

She's the last person to say they love me.

A little note to her: Grannie, don't hang around in a coma for me, you and I both know you'd hate that. I just wish you'd hung around long enough for us to have lunch like we planned in 2 weeks, and to eat the chocolate I brought you back from
England. So I could tell you about the Brit. So I could tell you about my plans to move that you have supported so much, you're the only one that has. I love you always.

Edit: massive stroke on one side, still unresponsive. She's a dnr, so we're hoping that she either has another stroke and passes or god forbid it gets to this, she gets pneumonia. Various other heart/blood pressure things at play, that may take her also.

Still love you Grannie.


Surfergrrl said...

I'm really sorry to hear the news. :( My thoughts are with you.

myself said...

Thanks. I'm just....sad :( but trying to be positive, that she had a really good life, and we don't want her to live half paralyzed. As much as I love her and want her around, that's the last thing I want, the last thing any of us want, particularly her....

Little Fish said...

I am so so sorry for what you're going through!

Adventures In China said...

Oh, I am so sorry. My deepest condolences. My thoughts are with you, and your grandma.

Technodoll said...

Oh no, M.E! that is terrible news... I'm just devastated for you. She's so close to me, too - is there anything I can do? Flowers? A visit? She's in good hands, whatever happens is out of yours now... She will live on forever in your heart, I'm glad you feel that.

(( hugs ))

Gooseberried said...

I'm so sorry! Be hopeful! Maybe she's gotta a few more years left in her. :( I'll definitely keep you and your Grannie in my prayers.