what I want

Ok I'm doing this after being cajoled by friends to do so. They say that in regards to getting what I want in life, I have to put it out there.

Now when it comes to objects of my desire or work related things, I don't have a hell of a problem with that.

Then there's the man thing. I just don't know about that. I will preface all of this with the following. I'm not really looking. I mean, I look at men, but I'm not actively dating because, well, it's a waste of time due to my past experience and generally, I'm pretty much apathetic on the subject.

Yet, after being separated for the past 7 years (almost 8) and having gotten involved only ever so briefly with a couple men, I am getting sort of tired of being just me the single version. Or wondering what's wrong with me (although I suspect it's my "I don't need anyone else" attitude).

So because I was telling the girls last night that I have no idea what I want, but an idea of what I don't want, they told me I need to put out there what it is I do want in a man so that I get it. I don't necessarily believe in this, but I'll do it and make them happy. I'm all about making people happy (yeah right!).

1- a nice man who values family and friends, and will treat me the way I would like to be treated

2- a man that *I* consider attractive, so I'm actually attracted to them (no laughing this has been a problem before, I was married to a man I enjoyed spending time with but wasn't attracted to - you have no idea the problems this creates)

3 - a man that is employed decently (as in someone I don't have to support or isn't going to decide I have to support them because they find out I make a decent salary), and that lives on his own

4 - a man confident enough to understand that I have a good job, a big deal job, I'm ambitious, but that doesn't make him any less a man and his job doesn't have to equal mine (nor does he need to make the money that I do) - been a problem in the past

5 - must love animals. I have a zoo.

6 - a man that has his past dealt with, we all have baggage, it's how we deal with it

7 - a man who has enough confidence to allow me my freedom and not smother me - I'm easily smothered - jealousy and clinging will make me run away quick

8 - patient and tolerant, because I fly off the handle, and I'm mega irritating

8 - a man who is smart

9 - a man who is really, sincerely honest

10 - not an alcoholic, drug addict or sex addict (had one each of the last 2, never again)

There are superficial things like smoking (non thanks) and I'd love a tall man for once (I think only a Montrealer could understand how many short men there are in Montreal - and I'm tall - so the tall men overlook me in favor of the tiny ladies - I'm generally stuck with the shorter guys - not the end of the world, but I don't like to feel like I might crush anyone...if that's ok with the universe). Oh and no past or current criminal issues - this is a biggie, the job I do, I have to be security checked frequently and so do those that I'm involved with romantically. By CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service). I also have a preference for no kids...but then again, that's pretty much negotiable. Met a nice guy a few weekends ago with a daughter, I would be ok with dating him (of course, it always takes them being ok with dating me).

I really don't think I'm asking for much. I don't believe in the fairytale, I don't expect roses and perfection, I'm not clingy, I'm not needy, some (including my ex husband) have said that I'm not much of a girl...heh. Which I'm not.

Anyway.

It's out there. Everybody happy now? :-)

*Edited 21 May 2008 - and I'll keep adding things til I've got requirements so long no man will look at me ever :-D