Canadian, Please

In honor of Canada Day, I present you with this :)

feelin' the heat

So we're roasting here. Hello Montreal. No middle ground, just freezing your ass off in winter & drowning in snow, or dying in heat & humidity (it was the equivalent to 104F yesterday here with 70% humidity in case you Yanks don't get the 40C sitch). I think that rivals the weather in bloody Vietnam or something. Just gross.

It's festival season, I do not like shooting music festivals, so I have 3 band/singer songwriter interviews lined up for the next week. Fun fun.

The below post was premature. I can't go into anything really, because truthfully, I never want him to find this & be embarrassed by it. So really, all I can say is, I enjoy him, he enjoys me, nothing other than getting to know each other is happening (not that we wouldn't want more to happen but for certain reasons that's not possible) and I am waiting very impatiently. But I am thinking it just might be worth it :) which would be really nice.

We're hanging tomorrow night. Going to take some pictures. Should be good. We always enjoy time spent together.

Work is somewhat akin to insanity currently, I have more work then I know how to deal with, I don't think I can realistically stay at work as long as I should need to in order to accomplish everything I have to do, but I still like it, so a;ll of that is moot. One day at a time.

Essentially one day at a time is my mantra. For work, for him, for life.

rewind

I am so out of practice with this stuff. I'd forgotten, or maybe I never knew, that one has to open up and talk to people in order to get things out in the open and solved.

Thankfully, I'm dealing with someone that is an excellent communicator and does't sugar coat anything (ie no lies. really. not even if something would hurt me).

So. Things seem to be making some progress. There's nothing going on (literally) but everything all at that same time. It feels ok.

See. I knew this would happen. I would upset myself. Again. As I do every time someone is of interest to me.

I can't solve his issues, I can't force him to do what he wants to and is too afraid to do. I can't make anything happen in any timeline, especially not mine.

So it's time to give up. Back off entirely. Forget about it. Forget about him. Because it's not giving me what I want.

Not that I'll get what I want anyway. But whatever. That's for another post. Or not. Whatever the case may be.

I'm so sad. So so so so sad.

call me little miss neglectful

I know. I'm never around anymore.

Quick run down of the insanity I call a life -

- Job - I love it but dammit I'm busy & I could frankly live at work

- Photography, not doing as much as in the past, but trying.

- dudes - well, I don't ever want this guy to find this & kill me, so I'll abstain from commentary other than, I really like this guy & it's not as bad as I thought (his situation that is).

- Pets are all happy.

that's it for now, I promise to write something more detailed later this week.

I hate my neighbors. And I hate their Demon Spawn.

2am woken by screeching. One of the horrid children. Now I'm awake, it's 4 am, I'm waiting for dye release on my henna, because I might as well do my hair while I'm awake and it needs doing.

Joy. I have a huge meeting and lots of work to do tomorrow (today). Naturally.

Umm. My little friend from my last post? Well, I've found out more info on the subject, it's not as bad as I thought, and well, we're just getting to know each other I guess. Nothing more. He's got to do what he has to do & I enjoy him. So, that's how it is. He enjoys me too. That much is obvious.

So we'll see what happens there. All I know is I love hearing from him & talking with him :)

Otherwise I'm incredibly overwhelmed at work. I'm not sure what in hell I'm doing half the time, there's way more work than there is time in a day. I'm doing what I can.

what am I doing?

Ok I'll preface this with - I know I shouldn't do this I am setting myself up for a huge fall. I know.

Back up a bit. I'm on the tweet thing for my photography. I'm not going to explain it, but it's gotten me a lot of exposure with the bands & the PR companies & record labels.

I've also done alot of networking with local photogs - one in particular I meet at alot of the shows.

Anyway she knows another part-time photog & apparently he & I are very much alike. So she's been telling us we need to meet. Like, repeatedly. Well finally, we were supposed to meet at a thing, but ended up inadvertently meeting a few days earlier at a photography thing. Talked when we realized who each other were, nice guy, walked me out and off we went knowing we'd see each other again later in the week.

Met at the thing, had a blast, were both taking photos, person who wanted us to meet was dead chuffed we got along like she said we would. He took off early, but he also works early, knew we'd run into each other later on.

Got added on the evil FB, chatted etc etc. Were at another thing in common the other day, where, for the first time (this is after sending me many msgs), I find out he has a girlfriend (he made sure I knew, said it to someone else in my earshot). Live in one. For god's sake. I get the drift it's not happy, but .... geeeez.

Well. I know I shouldn't but I'm continuing to message back & forth with him. He usually initiates, it's alot about photography, but it's sort of teasingly flirtatious (he's french, I'm lucky I can flirt in english so take that for what it's worth).

Why oh fucking hell why is someone I actually get along with, have alot in common with, why is he goddamned taken??????????? GAH!!! We chatted for HOURS the other day, I just don't know what in hell to think anymore.

Is it me choosing these unavailable people? I mean is this what I give off? God knows, all the last dates I have had were men who essentially, for lack of a better way to put it, said they would sleep with me but that I wasn't good enough for a relationship in their eyes.

I know I need my independence, but I do want someone just on the side? well no, I'm a pretty serious girl, who will make time for the right person.

I don't want to be someone's bit on the side.

But I can feel it. Looking forward to his messages. Tonight he popped up on chat (I'm glued to my computer trying to get my backlog of photos taken care of). I feel my stommach flip. It's stupid and I'm really setting myself up for a fall, I know it, but I think he's a nice guy!!!

And he's so totally not my type to boot.

What the hell am I doing?

I'm not thinking, that's for sure....