*bark*

Things you would hear at my house right now.

1) me coughing

2) foster bunny trying to escape from his enclosure

3) me hacking

4) Iggy whining from his cage, where he's a prisoner for over another week

5) me choking & hacking

6) the cat meowing that he wants out of the house

7) me taking a drag from my inhaler

8) hamster wheel a churnin'

9) me trying to breathe

10) Vince chewing on a rib of celery

11) me crying in pain at my chest hurting from coughing

Yes. Boys & girls, my second cold of the season has been with me over 2 weeks now, and I'm feeling horrible. It's aggravated my asthma something wonderful, my head is killing me, and I'm faint from coughing so much. Almost thrown up from coughing as well. It's been fabulous.

After I edit these shots from a press conference, I'm going to bed. End of.

endless

Keeping in mind that I generally come on here to be NOT positive and bleat my crapola etc....

Drama. Can it end please? I'm a frigging magnet for it these days.

I have stuff happening, it's fine, I'll survive, but it's a bit stressful et al.

Enter Saturday morning, when I arrived home to find that my sweetest little red pupper Iggy couldn't walk.

My dogs are miniature Dachshunds. 1 in 4 gets degenerative disc disease. Iggy could almost not use his back legs, his back was roached and he was in pain.

Off to the vet, where they confirmed my worst fears, a disc (please note that it costs 3-4 grand to fix this problem - hello daddy's credit card???). But there was a possibility that it could be an infected disc. Remote but possible, because he was running a low grade fever, and it could also be cancer, so an x-ray was done.

It's an infected disc. Don't ask me how it happens, I can't tell you.

He may not get all the use of his back end back perfectly, but he's been running around when I take them out for a pee, he's on cage rest for 2 weeks...poor bugger, he's not pleased except it keeps him from being Bungee's object of attack. However.

Fingers crossed.

But seriously gods. Enough of the drama? Really. Just let me pack up my house and get on with it k?

I could also use this cold being taken away too, enough of that as well!

where my brain's at

Je pense à lui by Chic Gamine

And what I'm trying to say
Can't be done in a tongue
That I know too well
Cuz if you hear it, I fear I may just have to come clean
And, oh my dear, in the morning
I'll say in the day, that it's not so bad
But it's those other times
When these words are all I see

Quand la lune tombe pour la nuit
Je pense à peu de choses
Mais, je pense à lui
Mon coeur est brisé
C'est bien tant pis
Je pense à peu de choses
Mais, je pense à lui

And I'll disguise my words from you
Take a sleeping pill or two
And I know this feeling should pass
Trying, oh, so hard to see
The green, green grass
The growing trees
When I know they too won't last

And isn't it even sadder though?
This foreign chorus
You may never know?
And maybe someone else will understand
But I don't want just any man

J'ai laissé mes rêves avec toi
Et je me suis laissée tomber dans l'oubli
Why did you forget about me?

Tu prends tout l'espace dans mes pensées
But now these words to you I must say
Ca suffit, mon ami
C'est fini

status quo

So....I'm much less miserable. But I'm no less sad.

I'm not liking the way my life is behaving. At all. And all the changes I'm trying to make are either taking too long or being beaten into submission by circumstances.

Again. I'm watching people pair up. In my private & online life. I am avoiding reading some blogs. Hiding people on Facebook because they're much too happy for me to read. The holidays are approaching. It looks like a) I'll be stuck here and b) it'll be holiday season #10 alone. Not sure I'm going to survive. I feel so....lonely......

That probably accounts for 80% of both of these things.

I'm finding solace in my photography. And not really much else. Daydreaming about being over there and how I will live my life. My different life. My new life. Now if the job would just sort itself, and the house go away.

Smiling is still pretty hard work. But the psych says this is all normal normal normal normal. Fear, bereavement....all normal.

I just don't feel normal, but I guess that's no suprise, I never have anyway.

holy good god

I'm going to repeat a conversation I had with a friend earlier. She said this. Not me.

"Are all men assholes? Do they all lie? Are there any good men, because if this is the life I'm supposed to live, I'd like a do-over!"

My friend has been defrauded by her boyfriend. 3 credit card applications, 2 went thru, credit cards & pins sent to her home, but she didn't receive them, activations done from her home, but she didn't do them.

I just spent this morning consoling her when we were out for breakfast and she told me, and the afternoon at the Surete de Quebec while she made her police report.

Rest of the afternoon calling the other credit card companies to have fraudulent credit cards closed.

Unbelievable.

Poor thing is devastated. Completely & utterly and rightly so.

How do people do these things?

Worst part, because the boyfriend is a recent immigrant, police aren't sure they'll be able to locate him. So she has to remain ok with him for a few days so they can do an intercept of him after she calls them to come and get him.

Wonderful.

There are some really really shitty people in this world. I have to tell you.

I'm saddened and sickened.

Soundtrack: my friend trying to seem ok on the phone to the boyfriend

stress 1 : myself 0

Work - situation critical, HR manager & boss coming to see me from Toronto on Monday. I asked if I was being fired (hahaha) but they wouldn't let me know they were visiting if that was the case and my boss was rather insulted when I asked. Damn, kinda, I'd like to get bought out so I can just concentrate on getting rid of this house and moving overseas.

Home - oh well, this weekend will be dedicated to packing up and deciding (again, forever and always) what I'm taking and what I'm getting rid of and listing things on the net to sell. Which is giving me a huge headache. Yey.

Photography - I think in my spare time (*snort!!!!*) I'm going to start a music & photography blog. Good god. We'll see if I can manage that at some point. Anyway, I'm shooting tonight, potentially tomorrow & Sunday night. I'm already tired at the thought. But I love it so no rest for the wicked.

That's really about it. I'm just keeping to me these days in terms of seeing people & doing things, because I really don't feel much like it. My usual desire to escape the house is at an all time low. Which is fine. But then again, so is my desire to take care of things around the house, but now it's situation critical, so I have to.

ok back to work. snore.

Soundtrack: Oil Man's War - Kathleen Edwards