if...

Everyone is asking me questions I don't want to answer, so I'm avoiding people, terrible I know, but this is my little life and I don't want to have to explain it to people. This possibility I have, possibility of love and life change, I don't want anyone harshing this high I'm feeling.

This isn't some guy I met on dating website that lives across the ocean, this is someone I have a past emotional attachment to, and vice versa and have actually spent time with. Damnit, I had to wake him up in the mornings, and due to being married, fight the urge to crawl into bed with him as I was commanded (kept telling me the only way he'd wake up was if I got in with him, the bugger....he has a sense of humor when he's had 3 hours sleep and been up all night drinking, got to give him that, no grumpies there!)

This isn't a stranger.

And I am being cautious. But also, in some ways, caution needs to go to the wind a bit. Am I going to pass up a chance to be happy, for a second time with the same person?

I think I would be ridiculous to dismiss this out of hand.

*I* know what has been said by the both of us, intentions should we get along of the both of us, and I'm not asking anyone for approval. I am 40 years old. I'm doing what I want to do in this situation, and I have never been more certain of what I will do if all goes well.

I am more than willing for him to come here, and conversely, I'll go there. And all the complications associated, we'll figure it out.

If it all goes well that is. If he gets here. I get there. If we are still compatible.

If if if.....

if.......