I am a horrible person

Ok well I'm a horrible person and I'm not a horrible person.

Let me explain.

Now. I want all my friends to be happy. Really, I do.

However, here's one thing that really irks me.

How's about not rubbing a friend's face in your relationship? The ONE big thing in your friend's life that you are well fucking aware has your friend depressed, depression causing her to not leave the house and avoid seeing people? How's this for a bit of kindness?

I don't like PDA. I don't like mushiness. I don't like lovey dovey. That means both if I'm the person in the relationship or not. I don't think it's cute, I don't go awwwww, I say "get a fucking room the rest of the world does NOT need to view this".

Unless someone is close to me or involved with me, I don't like to be gratuitously touched, I loathe hugging or cheek kissing (hard in this goddamned "kiss kiss on each cheek like the french" city). I put up with it, but there's a limit.

So what makes the rest of the world think I want to watch?

Long story short, friend I met at a movie screening and a friend of a friend met via my Facebook. They live in different cities. The girl and various other female friends have a few thousand email thread going on Facebook on relationships etc. They know where my head is (it ain't pretty, really it ain't, I'm already planning the rest of my life as a single), when discussion came up of all of us getting together, the comment was made of "oh wait til you see so and so and I together, we're so cute it's sickening".

Engh yeah this is where I bail.

See. If I know a cute couple is somewhere, I bail. I don't mean a couple, couples are just fine and dandy. But lovey dovey, all over each other, tongues down throats, hands on bodies couples? Um no. I avoid them.

They think I'm kidding. Wait til the get together happens and I'm nowhere to be seen.

Even when I'm in a relationship (even though it's hard to remember that far back), hand holding, maybe a hand on a thigh, is IT. That's it, that's all. I figure, no one wants to see my PDA. I can't be the only human alive that hates that sort of thing.

Call it jealousy if you want, but I have friends who will attest to what I'm like when in a relationship and how I've bailed on things, while in said relationship because of a specific couple that will be there.

Blame it on my upbringing during which no one touched me unless I was hurt or something, during which I can remember screaming and pushing people away that tried to hug me.

I hate it. I really do.

And add to it my headspace right now? Um no. If they feel the need to shove this down my throat, I'll be doing something else that night/day. Reprimering the Jeep, washing my hair, washing the dog, whatever excuse I can come up with.

I'm not giving people the opportunity.

Am I a bad person?

Probably.

Which maybe explains why I'm single.