yep

Lazy lazy lazy.

Or rather not.

Lots of things to do, lots of things to see, life is a bit crazed so you're not going to experience alot of me I'm afraid.

Just too much to complete and not enough time when I'm not stuck at work :S

So a quick hello, I'm alive, I'm moving to England by end of October, to you all!!

concentrated

I'm in move mode.

I want out. Of my life here, of my job that's currently making me ill (strange, I have digestive issues since I returned to my job, coincidence? probably not).

I've started selling off some un-necessary furniture. I've started getting rid of the definitely non-essential crystal & china that I don't think I've used for years.

I'm cleaning up.

I am probably going to sell the house to a house flipper. I know how much $$ I want, and as long as I get close to that, it's a private sale & I take my money & run.

Still waiting for some documents from my parents for my visa.

Merrrr. Don't try to stop me family.

Memorial for my grannie this weekend down where she lived. I went out & bought waterproof mascara. Also will be the first time I see my middle sister (the one I dislike) since she said she hates me & doesn't want to see me again. Yay. Not. wish me luck not ripping her a new asshole (which my grannie would have totally appreciated, so everyone in my family can stfu)

phew!

So the Brit's dad is leaving hospital today. Their vacation can begin, although I'm sure, in his very English way, he's still worried, his dad can't fly for 2 weeks.

I don't mind being woken at 3:30 am to hear that sort of thing.

yet another reminder

Life is too short.

I heard from the Brit today. He's on the annual family pilgrimage to Spain. They left the day after I left England.

We communicate alot via Blackberry Messenger, due to my job, his job, & the time difference, but due to a friend that got a £4000.00 cell bill on a trip to Asia, he & his brother are terrified of getting a huge roaming bill, so the cells are turned off on the trip. We knew we wouldn't communicate much if at all during his trip. Same as last year. Internets are few & far between where they are.

He kindly turned the phone on for me for 3 seconds today. To let me know that his dad had a stroke on their first day there, and that he may be there an extra week because his dad's unable to fly.

If it was 3 weeks ago, while I would feel absolutely horrible for the Brit & his unknown family, now it's worse. Because I've met these people. And I loved his dad, I'm also pretty sure he liked me alot also.

I can't do anything from over here. I've made it clear that the minute he gives the word, I'll be there. But being the stoic bastard that he is, I can forsee that not happening.

So. White light for this bright, intelligent, happy man that I met 2 short weeks ago, who has many personality traits that he passed on to my Brit, looks he passed to him as well, who I would like to get to know better in the future. Whose funeral I don't intend on attending.

confusion reigns

How do people get their wires crossed the way they do?

You think you make yourself clear to someone, and they misinterpret, you misinterpret, and everyone ends up in a big mess of misunderstandings.

I'm partially to blame, he's partially to blame, and so the confusion. Nothing a good convo wouldn't solve. But I'm not sure anyone is up to it right now. Maybe before I go.

2 more days and then back to the life I hate. Away from the man I (let's admit it now, for better or worse, why I have no idea sometimes, really) probably love.

I won't be able to see him all cheery in the morning (how I have no idea with the amount he works), watch him & listen to him breathing as I try to sleep (nope, can't even sleep over here), see him half asleep on the sofa & just plain adorable at night.

Keeps things close to his chest. I'm not sure what is going on. Not sure where his head is, at all. All I know is what I feel and it's pure for lack of anything more concrete. I have felt so very "cared for" while I've been here. Something my life has been severely lacking. I relish handing over the reigns to someone I trust, not having to steer this boat all by myself anymore.

I don't want to go "home". Although it's not my home, it's his, it feels more like a home to me than mine does, probably because I no longer want to be there, and want to be over here. I am so comfortable here.

First order of business when back in Canada is getting the documentation together for my visa and getting that application in, as well as butt fully in gear to clean out and fix & sell that frigging house. It's a bane to my existence and a drain on my finances for absolutely no reason.

I'm 41. Time to get my shit together. Financially, emotionally, just althogether get it right for once.

Sorry bout my rambling. I'm so unsure what I'm on about half the time.