it's like a heatwave

Ok it's not like one, it is one. It was FOUL today. It's currently 26C and it's 12:30 am - relative humidity is 70%. Disgusting.

The Brit won't like this at all.....oh well....

Was just out for an hour walk, have to start training again, had planned on being able to do a half marathon by the end of the summer however, with the knee thing in the winter, that just ain't happening, I have to get my ass in gear and get back to running again. Strangely enough The Brit is doing the same thing right now, same goal I have, although he's already run a half marathon. These 2 chubsters.....hey whatever works.

As a result, I could essentially sleep standing at this point. My god.

The Brit is having a rough time, I find men, generally, are so tied to their jobs as a source of pride, of who they are, more so then women, losing a job after such a long time, he's sort of at a loss. What isn't helping is that he was telling me in the paper this weekend was an article about how 1 posting at McD's got 300 applications.

I'm going to sit here and offer up a something to whatever that Canada hasn't been hit half as badly as other countries. Employers are using the economic downturn because they're assholes, but it really isn't that bad. I know because I'm seeing what comes in import-wise, which generally means that we consumers are buying.

I feel bad for him. I'm not sure I'd know what to do after 19 years. He does have a decent buffer though.

The visit will only actually occur in August as it stands, he's got a few weeks away with his family, and needs to deal with tax issues before he can go anywhere, but has investigated flights already. So did I. Gulp. 'Spensive. *worries he won't come to town*

I do have access to stand by tickets. I have to remember that.

Anyway, I'm even bored by myself right now, I'm tired, hot, sticky, and gross, and need some zzzz's.....

laterzzz

brain on vacation

It is currently HERE (see the big red dot of London, with an emphasis on the towns near Heathrow.....):

I am an idiot. Or have been reduced to one.

Other than time spent smiling like an ass, had a decent weekend.

Gig on Friday night and if it wasn't for copyright issues I'd post a photo of myself from then, but it's not my photo (and I don't want to out myself really). Troubled Friend turned up, and glared at myself and other friends most of the night, and also had the BALLS to complain to our mutual friend that she hadn't taken any photos of her. Um, who does that? My life has been much simpler and less stressful since I've backed off from that relationship, let me tell you. Except it has spread, it's everyone that knows her just about. But everyone is too afraid to say anything to her. I feel an intervention coming on!

My gig was very early, but post-gig I was home rather early also. Sooooo tired. Spent most of Saturday snoozing and some cleaning (I have about 4 weeks to get my place ship shape). Then dinner with my friend, avoiding having to tell Troubled Friend about it (god we're shifty), went down to a place in Chinatown and it was completely amazing, fantastic actually! I needed to be home rather early, because I had an appointment with a web cam.....turned out he was late home from his other job (which he does for fun and profit like I do photography), and I got to see the sunrise in London, England. How amazing is that?

Between being able to actually speak to each other on a web cam, and actually see things like a sunrise in another country entirely, the technology is amazing me. I get text messages from him during the day (oh the meltage at "hi gorgeous", god I'm such an easy woman), and I respond, within seconds I've got a response from a place across the Atlantic. Totally amazing.

Sunday I spent at the SPCA, of course, boy is the place packed, and I received 4 animals yesterday. Spent the afternoon on my feet, was exhausted. Was supposed to go to a BBQ but truthfully, Troubled Friend was in attendance, and I didn't want to see her, and her "look at meeeeee!!!!" ways. Always needs to be about her. So I stayed in, I was exhausted, fell asleep at the computer. Edited photos (still very behind) and was getting texts and eventually instant messages from.....oh what am I going to call him?.....my friend in the UK while he was at his parents place for father's day.

All in all, I was able to rest and relax, which is something I have not done alot of recently. Phew!

Ok back to day dreaming....

ring ring

Nothing like your phone at work ringing for the first time of the day....seeing the number and quickly realizing that it's from UK (which considering I do international transportation isn't out of the question).

It's him. Calling to wish me a good gig tonight and wanting to hear me.

Meltage.

For a woman that doesn't do girly very well, I'm managing.

so here we go

I would like everyone to note a few things.

I am the one that poo poohs the idea of long distance relationships. In fact gives people crap for even considering the idea. It's crazy, it's probably heart-wrenching....I mean what the hell???? Why would you do that to yourself?

I am the person who sits when a male character in a movie says something to the effect of "you're beautiful" and makes gagging sounds and simulates throwing up. Yep. Totally classy b*tch I am!

I am the one without an inch of romance in her body. In fact it makes me cringe completely.

I am the one that hears those stories of long lost love and goes "oh god, puhleezeeeeee!!!!!"

Yeah.

So. One then ponders what the HELL I am thinking doing what I'm doing, planning to speak online (ooo we've both managed how to get voice working, this is going to be a fun talk!), trying to fit it in when it's not too late for him and not too early for me, the one sitting at work getting emails that say "I'm thinking about you" and "why didn't I kiss you back then again?" and melting like a complete idiot. Giggling at the text messages that arrive in seconds from across the pond, who knew back in 1994 (it's not 18 years ago it's 15 years ago) that this would be at all possible?

I can certainly get used to hearing someone tell me I'm beautiful (for those of you that have seen photos of me, while I'm cute, I'm no freaking beauty queen, but eye of the beholder et al).

Ungh. The bizarrity of this whole situation hasn't settled for me, him neither probably.....

And so one foot in front of the other, one step at a time, figure out what hell, spend some time together in person, and decide what to do at that point.

Patience is a virtue. A virtue I do NOT have in spades...well I do sometimes, and other times not. Right now? Not.

Bear with me. I'm just getting my head around this whole situation. I'll stop talking about it shortly I'm sure....

GACK!

ummm hello????

Hey there.

Blithering idiot coming to you from Canada......

Holy crap what am I doing? I'm making visit/travel plans with someone I have only had minor contact with in the past 15-18 years (I really can't remember when I took that course and can't find my tickets etc for it either so that I CAN remember)

You, dear readers, all 5 of you, are going to bear the brunt of this experience with me, because in reality, with exception of 2 people, I can't tell anyone about this for fear of being considered completely out of my gourd.

Which I am, but hey.

It's like the 15-18 years never happened. Absolutely amazing.

I am going to have to manage to explain him when he comes to visit this summer, but, I'll deal with that then. Close friends have heard about the guy from England from my class before, but wouldn't believe me that this is him.

He and I have agreed, this is the stangest, most bizarre situation ever, but my, the possibilities.

I am remembering why I liked this guy, and vice versa. Amazing how with internet it is so easy to try and get to know him again. That I can see from across the Atlantic his facial expressions when I write something, watching him laugh his ass off at something I've told him or said.

Totally different from the letters that used to go back and forth. Which I can't find. Along with our class photo from back then. I hid them from my ex husband, problem being, where?

I think I'll look while I am cleaning for his visit. Look where I have absolutely no clue. I love it when I put things away for safe keeping. I never find them again!

Yep. A visit is in the works. Call me crazy. Call the two of us crazy, or maybe, like TD said previously, maybe this is the way things were supposed to go. Maybe we were supposed to go our separate ways, me to my husband, him to his life where he never did marry ever or have kids, never found anyone that made him want to do that. His words are that he has pretty much given up on that thought. But maybe he should move to Canada? Hehehehe. Comedian.

Well. It'll be an adventure. He's lovely, funny, and downright adorable...how can I say no?

My airline rep gets a hug from me tomorrow for reconnecting us.....

one word

Tabernac.

(I don't mean that in a religious way, it's just what comes to mind right now)

man this world is small part deux

Ok well an hour and a bit of chat...

Many things revealed.

Amongst those, were that if I hadn't been married I would have followed him to London.

And him that he would have loved for me to follow him to London.

Makes you wonder "what if?" doesn't it?

man this world is small

So a million years ago (ok 18) I worked for the German national airline, in freight.

I went on a cargo accounting course at our training center in Germany, I think it was my 4th time there. These courses could be neat, you have people from all over the world attending them, sometimes you get good co-course attenders and sometimes not so much.

One thing was for sure, the Canadians, Brits, Aussies, South Africans and Americans always hung together, and got along like crazy. If you had a class of the above, or at least a few people in different classes from those countries, you were guaranteed of a drunken good time after class (and into the wee hours).

In my class was this guy from our London office. He was shorter then me, but totally cute, dark hair & blue eyes. And we got on like a house on fire.

Now. I got married in March that year, so a few months prior, now, nothing happened with the guy from London, but we spent the entire week together, were inseparable, got along so well, so much in common, and he stayed overnight in Germany on Friday when he didn't have to (he was only an hour's flight away London to Frankfurt), accompanied me to the airport for my flight in the morning, saw me to my gate gave me a good long hug and a kiss on the cheek good-bye, and I cried on my flight back to Montreal.

We tried keeping in touch, but I got laid off from the airline, and internet wasn't common at the time, we wrote for a while, but it died off as it does when people get busy.

I've thought about him over the years. He has popped into my mind. Wished I'd gone on that course before I had gotten married, I suspect that things may have been very different, he had a brother that lived in Toronto at the time, came to Montreal to ski at Tremblant, but I had a husband, and well, that was just the way it was.

Fast forward to March this year. I was talking to my new sales representative from the airline in question, who is located over in Toronto, he has a British accent, so I asked him if he had worked for the airline in London, UK. He said yes, he took a transfer over to Canada instead of being made redundant, he'd been with them for about 20 years. So I asked if he knew my friend from my course, to which I was told of course he did, he was a good friend! Apparently on a sick leave, but my rep said I should contact him.

Last week the rep called to say he would be in Montreal this week and could he come by. Totally reminded me about my London friend, so I emailed this morning. Wow. Like we had never stopped talking. Turns out he's being laid-off shortly (also after 20 or so years), but was planning on coming over here this summer (and I've been thinking of visiting my friend in London this summer also, haven't been over there in years).

He's adding me to his FB later tonight........I'm sort of curious to see what he looks like. He remembered me immediately. He's almost as excited to hear from me as I was to hear back. And vowed that we are never to lose touch again.

I feel like I'm 12, how stupid is that? But this is a guy that has never, ever left my mind, ever, I've thought about him alot....and I mean, alot. Which is probably super strange, but we had an instant kinship that was unbelievable...

I am sooooo happy about this, and it's ridiculous, however, I can't even explain that week in Germany to you, I've never understood it, and 18 years later I still can't understand it, but I am really pleased to be in contact again with this guy....

Our world is so incredibly small, it completely amazes me.

bizarre

Ok. I'm all confuzzled....

The problem with having male friends is that I just assume that they are precisely that, friends. And nothing more.

Then at one point, I realize said friend wants more from me. I wasn't prepared for this. And not entirely sure what I want with this.

He's cute. He's tall, he's employed, he doesn't have a girlfriend......I like him. Common interests etc....

Oh but I wasn't prepared for this. I also know his ex....and I like her and that makes this all the weirder.

Can't anything that happens to me be normal? Or some proximity thereof?

Geez.

Unsettled

That's how I'm feeling recently.

Is it going to be my turn at some point?

I just realized that everyone I know is pairing up again. And as usual. I am not.

I'm feeling restless, unsettled, alone, lonely....sigh.

These things happen when I'm not looking. No, not me meeting someone, but everyone else I know meeting someone. Male or female. Doesn't matter, it's out there, hanging over my head. Half the time I don't realize it, but almost one third into the summer, reading things about how happy people are, it's hit me full in the face yet again.

Depressed? Not really. Despondent? A bit. Confused for sure. I don't get it. I am not looking for it, in fact have been known to not realize interest of the oposite sex...and yet.

Here I am again.

procrastination

Ok. I'm being bad. Life is racing right now.

I'll be back, I promise.