isn't this over yet?

Ok. I'd REALLY like to stop coughing. It would be most appreciated, if someone could get on that, I'd love it....anyone?

Not going away. As my sister says, a plague upon my house.

And I'd like to not want to die by 9 pm on new year's if that's ok, there's some good music to be enjoyed and some good people to enjoy....GEEZ!

I now need to make dinner. I'd like spaghetti (as in meat sauce) but I don't want to eat tomorrow, so I'm going to make a veggie/cheese pasta dish, quicker.

Yummy.

Maybe some seafood? Hrmmm good idea.

Me so smart :)

Back to barking. Resume your regular programming.

choice made!

Ok, so I took photos of myself wearing the 2 tops, and that made my decision for me, seriously, no question, so here's a shot of the top on, and a shot of the detail on the shoulder....

Girlfriend of mine saw both, and said this one hands down - said it says "boys, it's new years and I'm here to party!

So here ya go.....

holy children from hell

So I was at my parents place yesterday, for my nephew's birthday. Good. LORD. Not only were the children annoying, but they were horribly behaved on top of it all. All 3 of them complaining about what they got as gifts. My youngest sister and I talked about it on the way home (thank god, she decided to come with me, her bf's dad was better than she had originally thought)....even she has decided my sister wouldn't know how to discipline her children if her life depended on it, and I think her husband has given up.

I'm not going to get into my thoughts on a little smack on the butt, but I think my sisters and I turned out pretty normal and we had a lovely healthy fear of our parents. Always the thought that if I did something I might get in trouble. I think my parents whacked me once and it was one smack on the butt. That's all it took/

But I had a good time with my youngest sister, mother and my dad's mother, I decorated my nephew's cake, made the dip, etc etc, we had a good yak, had some fun.

Then today's ice rink. Holy god. Managed to fall twice in the space of about 3 minutes, once on each hip, so I went into the house and got my Yaktraks and wore them everywhere (except note to self, they are NOT a good idea on tile).

Because I would like to look nice next week for the New Years party (dare I say I might actually manage to get a New Year's kiss for the first time in 8 years? naww...let's not jinx it...), I went out to shop. I got 2 tops and I can't decide which one I should wear. Sigh. One is extremely booblicious, variegated grey tank with a flowing bottom, beautiful silver accent straps....and then the other is a bit more restrained, black satin, lace accents, also booblicious, but no spaghetti straps, fitted...

I dunno. I'm going to have to put them on with the bra I plan to wear yadda yadda and go from there. Black pants, and either a hot pink or black pashmina and I'm good to go. Will attempt to wear my contacts...but the glasses always must accompany me, I get really dry eyes.

Other than that...I had lunch with a girlfriend at the local pub, and will now get myself some leftovers for dinner and curl up in my pjs on the couch with the dooogs. Yeah. Nice evening.

**yawn**

Hey all. I'm coming to you from in between naps. This cold. Ugh.

I've spent the day alternating between watching tv (I had no idea that the Cosmo channel was so fun!?!?!), sleeping and eating. And after listening to the complaints of friends whose family stories are enough to make me run and scream, I'm thinking I made the right call.

Turns out my sister will not be coming to my parent's place with me tomorrow, her boyfriend's dad collapsed downtown yesterday, had been sick, turns out he's had an aneurysm, being a nurse, she wants to get down to the Neuro to find out what is up. He's conscious etc, but she has 3 days off and wants to make sure she doesn't miss anything by being at the 'rents place. Hate that shit during Xmas. I have a wake to go to on Sunday, our director's mother passed the other day. Merry whoo-ha.

Had a lovely dinner last night with HF, dropped him and friend from Brazil at the St Joseph's Oratory for midnight Xmas mass, and I made my way down to jam night, to test out what in hell with Jam Flirt and to drop off a few deviled eggs to his friend (long story due to the cancelled brunch). There he was standing on the stage playing guitar wearing a Santa hat...big grin, and when he realized I was there the grin got bigger. Back to normal with an explanation of having been horribly sick (um seeing as I have the same cold, yeah, horribly, and my mood has been terrible). Note to self, gets Man Colds. Back rubs, huge hug, and a lot of attention paid to me.

When leaving around 3 am, well, the rain created an ice rink out there after all the snow, and last year's episode of "Myself breaks her ass" dictates that I'm rather fearful of the ice. My flirt walked me to the car with a quick "hang onto me!". And as he was running back to the bar (yeah I was terrified and he was running), I asked him about my contribution to the new years party and was told I didn't have to. "nope you're not paying". Hrm. interesting.

So there you have it. The Kevlar killing dogs murdered their first toy in the space of 2 hours this morning, the only squeaker, dead, completely disemboweled when I came back downstairs. Dogs enjoyed their $3.00 a tin wet food, as did the cat, the hammies enjoyed their alfalfa treat, and the turtles got spinach.

And on that note, I'm drinking a Neo Citran (Jam Flirt says as gross as they are they helped him thru this cold) and hitting the hay, hoping NOT to wake with a migraine as I do frequently when sleeping too much!

status quo

Still sick. Horrible sick. Afraid of pneumonia sick (I'm asthmatic and get chronic bronchitis, so no, not me being a hypochondriac, me unfortunately being realistic...uck).

Done work.

Done shopping (not that I had much, we only shop for the kids, my sister's kids).

And now, I'm going to bed in the hopes that I don't wake up feeling more like hell.

Supposed to go to the HF's place tonight, if it doesn't freezing rain. Cuz he lives on a big old hill (well the side of Mount Royal, for which Montreal was named). Dropped him off at the airport where he picked up a friend from South America that just arrived (surprise! 80 cms of snow that you've never seen before!)

I don't quite know what to say to people at this time of the year....It's very much like when people tell me that they're getting married or moving in together, I don't get it so I don't feel it, so anything I say will sound horribly fake. So I just don't say a word. Smile and nod.

I'll go to jam tonight. Friends want me to go, so I'll go. I can't really sing tonight, but everyone will live.

And that's about it around here. I should buy stock in kleenex (actually Puffs with lotion & Vicks) so I'll flake out and hopefully feel more human.

One can hope.

sick & tired and...

Yeah still sick. Thanks to Jam Flirt for his cold, donated to everyone.

Still haven't heard from him. Yeah. Wonderful. I pay attention to men why again?

At work, counting down the hours when I'd rather be at home, asleep first off. Woke up last night choking, wasn't able to breathe out of my nose, and I can't sleep when I have to breathe from the mouth. Apparently I decided therefore to stop breathing.
I'd really appreciate this cold being done.

I'm skipping out of here at noon tomorrow, really don't much care if anyone likes that or not, I'm doing it, being here yesterday and today is bad enough, tomorrow just adds insult to injury. Then I'll go get my groceries (making myself a chicken with stuffing & gravy and potatoes & veg for Xmas day) and hunker down and not leave until I have to go to my parents place on Friday. With much booze. I forgot about that.

Thinking of doing jam tomorrow night, but I'll see how Jam Flirt behaves. I'm tired of making the effort to be nice.

that's all I've got. Everything else going on in my brain is much more negative, therefore I'll just not share, k?

let it snow let it snow let it.....ugh.....

Today was a brunch with friends, for which I cooked (and cooked and cooked) and yet, I'm still sitting here at home. Ditto for the concert which I'm supposed to be at for 5. Ain't happening, it's blizzarding out there, and I don't take chances in weather like this.

Of course, I've been left with all sorts of food for the brunch. Sigh.

Heard from my dad. So I am staying home on Xmas day. Going for my nephew's birthday on the 26th. THink I'll just stay in bed.

Never did hear from Jam Flirt who we can just refer to now as Asshole, although he called my friend to say he wouldn't be at her brunch. So he does know how to use a telephone.

Still sick.

So I'm going back to bed.

neglect

Hey.

How you doin?

I know. Again with the not blogging.

In my defense, I'm sick, the cold that reared it's head the other day decided to make a reappearance, 2 days prior to a choir concert, and my having to play flute (very very very visible flute, exposed with 4 voices and organ). Yeehaw.

And I've just been very busy.

Updates on things, Jam Flirt has stopped flirting. What the hell one asks? This is my life, no shocker there.

Christmas #8 alone is looming, I think that when I get back from jam night in the wee hours of the 25th, I'm going to bed and not getting back out until the morning of the 5th of January when I have to go back to work. Works for me. Then I certainly can't complain about being tired can I?

New Years may not happen for me. Long story involving a friend of mine and a friend of Jam Flirt's, but Jam Flirt is the party organizer and hasn't called me back 2 days after leaving him a message concerning my contribution. Which leads me to believe perhaps I am no longer welcome.

Fuck 'em all. And you wonder why men, unless gay, are no longer my friend. Round of terrible luck I have. Seriously. I don't think it's what I'm putting out there, I make a supreme effort to be as positive as possible with my sarcastic spin on all.
Although I *know* there's nothing wrong with me, sometimes the little voice in the back of your head wonders if there's some sort of problem no one's talking about (do I smell maybe? lol).

No plans for Xmas day. Family hasn't called me back, or isn't answering the phone, so guess what I say to them? Fuck 'em all. Can't count on anyone but me...that's for sure.

Work is busy as hell. And here I am blogging. In my defense, I'm pretty useless for the cotton balls filling my brain and sinuses. I think scotch should be allowed at work for medicinal purposes.

And I'm sure a few colleagues would agree wholeheartedly!

So back to work, and give a call to the photo lab, I need to get down there and pick up some more prints for my portfolio. They make me excited to see.

I know I know

I know. I've been super bad about keeping up.

It's this lifestyle I'm keeping you see. I need time, way more time, then I have currently. Always happens that I get double booked on the same night, and multiple events on the same day, never fails, never fear, it's always the same thing!

Anyway.

I'm here, and I'm ready to blog.

Whirlwind weekend, I didn't even see it pass by.....week actually. Duran Duran, Royal Wood, Serena Ryder, then Friday night's foray to see friends play, HF's birthday party & another friend's band Saturday night (which ended in a big ole mix up with friend's car being towed out of a no parking zone, which actually wasn't a no parking zone, and them having to find said car). Sunday brunch, dinner and then jam night (that wasn't planned). Then I got sick. Thank you Simon LeBon for infecting me with your nasty cold! Although my friend the musician says that it's ok to get sick via a rockstar!

I had alot of fun with HF at his birthday party, met some of his friends, and what he wanted me to give him for his birthday was to sing him a song. So I looked like a bag lady arriving at his place with booze and purse, camera and guitar in tow. But he was happy, and this morning gave me my birthday cake which I missed :D Man can cook like a demon, seriously! I lurves the boy like a best friend....I do seriously. Good dude.

Reason I missed his cake was due to Jam Flirt's gig....yeah I thinks he likes me. Huge smile when I arrived, big hug, a kamikaze kiss on the cheek (almost like an afterthought). He and friends convinced me to do something New Years (jam session sounds better then anything else that's been on offer). So....we shall see.

I don't count chickens after all my false starts. I sometimes wonder if I imagine things all the time :)

This week is much slower, however I keep being offered hockey tickets. Whites (which means if you have a vertigo issue you're fucked) on Saturday, and reds I can't use (those are the really really good ones...........gACK!)

I hate it when that happens.

Busy life. And tired. But I'll live. I swear I will.

karma et al

Technodoll made me think of an incident that happened to me way back when with her recent post . So in the spirit of this season I hate horribly....I'll tell a little story that for some reason I forgot about and TD's story reminded me of.

I used to be a dog groomer, I had my own business in my home and I picked the pets up and deivered them in order to get around a city ordanance that kept me from running my home business if I didn't have enough parking available etc. It wasn't a bad thing, I picked up alot of elderly clients that didn't drive anymore etc, and I loved most of them.

So I was driving up a big local artery, taking a cocker spaniel home (I don't remember her name), it was freezing raining, winter. As I was driving I witnessed a taxi cut off a small car, and the person driving it lost control and hit a light standard, hard. Front of the car completely crumpled.

So I pulled over and ran over to help the driver. There were a few other people who had done the same thing, but I got to the driver and started to check her over to find out how she was hurt, and called 911. I relayed all the information to them, they assured me an ambulance was on it's way. During this time, a few of the men wanted to pull this woman from the car, but unless there's imminent danger of explosion or fire, you don't do that, you could injure her worse, so I ordered them around to find something to cover her up with to keep her warm, I was afraid she was going to go into shock.

So I talked to this stranger, held her hand, asked her what hurt (ankles that were trapped in the car and a wrist were injured from what she was telling me in her dazed state) and she kept repeating that her husband was going to kill her for having an accident. She asked me if I would call her husband for her and let him know she'd had an accident, so I did, but he wasn't there so I left a message (I can't imagine there's anything worse than hearing a stranger on your cell phone telling you that your wife has had an accident), told him what had happened and that if he wanted further info he could call me.

So I held her hand and told her everything was going to be ok until the ambulance came, wanted to keep her from losing consciousness, it hurt, I would have...

So the ambulance arrived, took info from me, as did the police and fire department, and they released me, having taken the husband's contact information.

I drove the dog home, after telling my clients about the reason for the delay, and then headed on home. As I was going down the same road, the husband called me. Asking me if I knew where the ambulance was taking his wife. I had no idea, but the fire department was still cleaning up the site and waiting on the tow truck. So with the husband on the phone, I stopped and asked the firemen, they called the dispatch and found out the hospital, I relayed the info, and the husband thanked me profusely and went to meet his wife.

Unlike Technodoll, I got to hear the end result. The husband called me a day later to thank me for helping his wife, that she wanted to thank me herself but she was pretty banged up, 2 broken ankles and a broken wrist, the car completely totalled, but that he was glad I had stopped and held her hand while she was pretty hurt and pretty scared.

Can't tell you how happy I was to hear from him....closure I guess....and I was happy to help her, and I'd do it again in a minute.

It's finally Friday

Of course, we got snow overnight. Yeehaw not. So I have no idea what the drive to work will be like this morning. Off to the garage with the car, so I'm in late today. And when I get in, it's jeans and a company shirt, I'm exhausted to the extent I can't even tell you at this point.

Duran Duran on Thursday, yes Technodoll, I photographed them. And when I get my ass in gear, I'll letcha know where to find the shots. The boys pose like demons...it was a good concert, I felt like I was 15 and watching them on Muchmusic.

One point, I'm in the photo pit with the other photographers, and the women (please note they were mostly 35 and upwards in age) are SCREAMING like teenagers, and this photog and I look at each other, I told hi I was somewhat embarassed for them, being same generation and all...yikes!

If I get a cold, it's Simon LeBon's fault, he was sick (as was the backing singer I think) and of course being so close I could see up his nostrils, he was horking all over us photogs. Yay. Not.

Went to jam night afterwards, and met up with, ummm what have I called him? I can't remember, Jam Flirt, as well as others. Got called right up on stage to flounder, got a kiss as a reward (on the cheek, don't be too excited) and I think he bought me a drink, he won't say, but mine were mysteriously paid for by the end of the evening. Stay tuned, I'm photographing a gig on Saturday that he's performing in. He's not hot like HF, but he's got the most beautiful eyes and smile...and has a brain in his head (which for me is the most important part!). I'd say there might be interest. And again he can rub my back anytime :)

And last night I photographeda Six Shooter Records artist by the name of Royal Wood. Who has the most beautiful voice I have heard in a very very long time, despite being sick as a dog. As with most of the Six Shooter roster, his look is very stylized, very mod, they're an interesting band looks and sound.

I also discovered Serena Ryder, who it turns out was the headliner, and got a few shots of her. She was very good, really neat voice (ooo a smoker, bad bad singer) but while a pretty girl, is not a pretty singer, meaning that she looks like she's in pain frequently. Nothing against her thought, I know exactly that problem I have it also. I hate photos of myself singing!

Man I was late getting home though. Fucking city and routing you off highways, but not offering an alternative route. For those in Montreal who will understand this, the from the 720 the off ramp to the 20 west was closed off, as well as 15 south, so we were routed up Decarie, where the signs said that the 40 east and 40 west ramps were closed.

Um. Where in hell am I supposed to go to get home? Turns out the 40 west ramp was indeed open, thank god, because I think the first road guy I saw was going to die a death by my bitch. Not pretty.

Got to bed at 2. So for those keeping track, I think I got a total of 10 hours in 2 nights. So when I drop dead don't be surprised.

The chickenshits at work cancelled our dinner tonight, because of the snow. We're Montrealers, fuck the snow. But anyway, at least I can come home after work tonight. And go out after...oi!

nuttin!

Ya know, nothing like this time of year and being busy to suck the ever loving life out of one!

That and sitting in an hour and 15 mins of traffic for a trip that should take 15 mins! People are selfish, inconsiderate bastards when on the roads, here at least, and put them in a very expensive luxury vehicle or SUV and multiply by 100 % the asshole factor.

This morning wasn't an issue however, almost no one on the road, all took the excuse of the freezing rain (I had a Pontiac-sicle outside when I walked doogs this morning) to come in late. Delaying my manager's meeting and pissing me off greatly.

HOWEVER.

Duran Duran tonight, photos ensue, can't wait for that part, the concert, well, meh, I'm going with a friend who is big into them. It's to make her happy. What a good friend eh?

And then I'm going flirting, oh, I mean jamming.

Yeah.

Ok back to workie.

I'll read ya all probably Friday at some point the way things are going currently, just wanted to make sure you all know I'm not dead or anything!

and it's officially....

going into the homestretch of the time of year I hate/loathe/detest and I'm not really happy about it.

Nothing makes you feel like a lonely, alone, loser more than this time of year, if so inclined.

Getting it from all ends about New Years. I tried the "pretend to be happy" thing last year and made everyone at the party angry with me, so I'm not doing that again this year. It has been announced that I am staying home on New Years and everyone that thinks that I should go out and pretend to give a shit that I won't be able to write the correct year on my cheques in January (because that's what the new year is to me) are hounding me to go out.

Um. No.

Pay exorbitant amounts of money to be surrounded by drunk people who are to drunk to realize that it really doesn't matter, and we aren't having THAT much fun?

Not so much.

So I get thru all the parties, the little shopping I need to do, send it off to my family with my sister, and then I am not even answering the phone until January 5th.

Yep. That'll work just fine for me.

finally Flyday!

Thank god for the end of this week. It didn't start well, so let's hope it ends nicely.

Actually got a photo pass for a concert I'm going to because it'll make a friend happy. Makes up for not really wanting to see the artists in question, and paying the huge amount of moolah I did for a general admission ticket. Seriously. I think it's their last yahoo or something.....

ANYWAY....

Not much to say today. Too much work. Too much to do on the weekend, and as usual the house is a disaster. Yay me.

Ok running downstairs for food. Think I've cooked once this week? Nope....

why do I do this to myself?

You would think that at my age I would know better...but no, 2 am entry back to the house. Unlike last week though, a) I had one drink only and b) I had sleep the nights before - I was totally running on empty last week.

That being said, fun was had by all. The cute musician guy flirted with me shamelessly and admitting to having internet stalked me. Told him I guess I deserved it because I had done the same with him. He's playing downtown not this weekend but the one after, I'm going to take some photos. Only thing that worries me is that his drummer is a guy that hit on me last year and is a bit too intense for my liking, he wouldn't leave me alone to the point that last time I saw him I was mean. I don't like doing that, but seriously, dude, I'm not interested. Too bad, he's cute, but, personality-wise....erm no thanks. Also has unresolved ex/child issues, no thanks. If I end up alone due to my "no kids" policy, so be it, I don't want to get in the middle of that shit. Unless the bitch is dead. Then...maybe.

And I like the band leader better anyway :) And this month is pretty lean for photography subjects, and I have none of these guys. Here's hoping he plays that pretty guitar he doesn't bring to jam night!

So I'm like mud at work, but I had a blast singing and watching last night, listening, met some new people.

And back to the fun that is my job.

NOT. I'd rather go home and sleep.

hump day (I wish)

Well, today is a better day I think, I'm feeling better, feeling thankful that nothing really has changed with HF.....he's still calling me, talking to me, and I'm making damned sure that he doesn't feel any sort of change in me, because truth be told, I like him and we have a helluva lot of fun together and I don't want that to change. And I'm doing my damnedest to make sure he doesn't feel like there's been a change because of what happened on Saturday.

My previous feelings can fuck right off. I can do nothing about this. And they seem to have taken a back seat, which is a relief. Haven't shed a tear today. And for anyone not in the know, it has nothing to do with hope that his feelings will change in the future, they won't, not gonna happen.

Today at work has been insane, and I have a business dinner tonight as well. Then off to the jam session, at which I flirted ceaselessly with one of the organizers. He's cute. Met him during the summer, but he had a girlfriend, who is since gone. Turns out that we went to high school together. And if I'm repeating myself, please excuse me, I'm wiped out tired from today, I hate spending my day deep in thought. Too much thinking or something.

Anyway. He's cute. He's single, and we flirted alot last week, so let's see if it happens again this week. I liked the way he looked at me while we were on the stage and I was doing his backup vocals. Yeah baby. Flirting is good.

I also learned how to play the part in Maggie May that is done on the mandolin (as in my mandolin). Wasn't too hard thanks to Youtube.

Ok. Need to get more of this shit done. yay work.

thanks for your comments all. I think a good night's sleep helped immensely last night, but you guys help too :)

PS

This sucks.

warning #2: blues still haven't gone yet

I've been mulling this over all day.

HF came up behind me in the stairwell this morning (yes, I am purposely irritating the bad leg with stairs....call me stupid if you must, but, I'm craving exercise). He told me I smelled good and looked so nice in the color I'm wearing.

While it's nice for a friend to do that, it doesn't quite have the same impact.

Same thing with the cake he brought me. Last week, it was wonderous, stupendous and fabulous.

Now it's just something nice that a friend like my female friends would do.

It's lost it's sparkliness. Lost the charm. He's still a wonderful person. But not my possibly special wonderful person anymore. Just my good friend.

Sigh.

Back to the thing that pays the bills :S

warning: the blues haven't disappeared

I think I might take a break from blogging until my period of mourning and self-loathing is done, I don't want to depress anyone....

It's going into my absolute favorite season. <-----that was sarcasm

During which I have a general need to cry at just about anything.

Actually. I think I've been crying in my sleep if the condition of my eyes in the AM is any indication. I know I haven't stopped thinking about HF. He's been in my dreams.

Going into year #4 of singledom. In fact, I think I can count the dates I've had in the past 3 years on maybe 1 hand? Ok maybe 2 fingers?

Not that being single usually upsets me, in fact, normally it doesn't. But this ridiculous commercial season is so about being in a couple, being with family, and in all truthfullness, for as much as my family tries, I don't really have either of those things.

Friends have all hooked up. And I'm left on my own again.

It's probably best, I'm am horrible company at this time of year. Tears are always just *this* close....and come at the most inappropriate of times.

Ok shutting up now. I've had just about enough of myself.

fallout

So, I'm sitting here at work, leg KILLING ME (can I sue the federal government because I fell on the grounds of the parliament buildings?) and I have a song cycling in my head.

It's french, so I'm not going to put the lyrics here, but I'll betcha Technodoll knows it and will laugh.

Keep in mind I absolutely loathe Celine Dion, yet this song is in my head - Un homme pas comme les autres.

Have a laugh TD!

Edit:

I'm also feeling a keen sense of loss. Things at work are nowhere near as fun, and truly, I don't want to be here. We spoke in the kitchen this morning, but, obviously, it's just not the same thing. I've been teary all afternoon.

And it's stupid because this is neither my fault, nor is there anything I can do about it. Period. Hell, it's not his fault either, it's no one's fault (although we could have had that talk a hell of a lot earlier, but I get it).

Guess I just feel like an idiot.